The Chokehold
by 26Chapters
Summary: Goku returns for his first visit from Uub's village, only to find Chi-Chi set on leaving him.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1, **A Twist In My Story.**

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'Hi, Chi-Chi, I'm home!'

She didn't hear the door open, but she imagines that it must've burst open in the exact manner that her heart did, when she heard her husband's voice.

The normal and natural thing to do in this situation, would be to remove her chin from both of her palms, leap out of her chair and then dash to the door to meet her husband in an excited welcome. _That_ would be the natural thing to do, and yes, she _does_ want to do it. In fact, she's internally struggling with herself not to do it as she wants to, but the end remains that she simply _can't_.

It's for the sake of her heart, it's this day, it's what's going to happen, that has her unable to react appropriately.

Fortunately, from the cheerful ring in his voice, she knows that whether she meets him at the door or not, he will not be bothered. If she knows him, at this very moment, he's too happy to be back, to expect a reaction from her. She can't quite explain it as simply as pointing out black from white, however, she can think that in _that_ regard, Goku has always, in a special non-malicious way, been selfish.

Whenever he returned home, (and the same could be said about when he suddenly felt the urge to leave) he didn't factor other people's reactions to it. It's never been that he doesn't care what they think or feel, it's just, well, it's always been a Goku thing. It's the same reason now that she knows he doesn't mind coming to her, like she senses him doing.

In less than a second, he appears next to her. She turns her face to him, to find him like she thought she would. The big child-like smile and eyes shining with excitement, are all on his face like she imagined they would be.

'Hi, Chi-Chi,' he repeats, the same excitement as before in his voice.

It breaks her heart.

How can a grown man, someone with a heart of purity and nobility, be so blind? How can her great husband, the strongest (in several ways) man that she knows, not sense that from the minute that he burst the door to their small house open and she didn't spring up to meet him, that her heart burst as well? And how can he not read her face, to see that something is wrong?

'Hi, honey,' she chokes out, trying to swallow a stubborn solid lump down her throat.

Her heart is breaking. It really is. His sudden appearance and presence, have burst her heart open to a sea of pain and love, and now she feels overwhelmed by it. She didn't think that this day would come today.

'Hi,' he greets back, lifting his hand in a wave this time. 'I'm home.'

Chi-Chi tries her best to convince herself to smile, or at least to get up and touch his cheek with her hand, but she fails. Her burst heart has crippled her ability to move, it seems. Besides, smiling and touching him would be deceptive of her.

'It's so good to see you,' he cluelessly continues. 'Man, I missed all of you.'

He missed all of them. He didn't specifically say that he missed _her_ , he said that he missed all of them. She's his wife for goodness sake, not a part of the collective that is his friends!

Slowly, she gathers the strength to get up and show him a faint smile as she stands before him. It's that she feels the last thread of hope break apart, resulting in a now gushing heart. If he'd held out his hand for her to stand up for a welcoming embrace, perhaps this last thread wouldn't have broken.

'I'm sure you must be starving,' she quietly says, 'I'll make you something to eat.'

'Thank you, Chi-Chi,' he sincerely agrees for the meal to be made, placing his hands on her shoulders.

As though stung by a large enough bee, she stiffens from the tip of her hair to her last toe.

It's not the contact that surprises her, it's the fact that she didn't prepare for it in her head. Goku has touched her before, especially when he thanked her, so she should've known to prepare for his touch. But she didn't.

She swallows with difficulty, 'You're welcome, honey.'

'I'm going to see the others, okay? I'll be right back,' he says, letting his hands drop from her shoulders and somehow he's already halfway to the door.

'Goku,' she calls to get him to turn back.

He turns back to her, 'Yes, Chi-Chi?'

Amazing, she thinks. He's as naïve as he was when they first met. Even now, the devilmite beam wouldn't do him any harm. She's suddenly remembering that little piece of information that she heard from old man Roshi, because he's making it blatantly clear that no evil dwells within him.

She was going to ask him if he loves her, but she changes her mind to say, 'Don't come back too late, okay?'

'Sure thing, Chi-Chi,' he promises, 'Bye.' And then he flies off.

She blinks twice to clear the image of Goku standing near the door, from her head. And then, she succumbs to the tears of her heart.

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 **26Chapters**

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Ever since she finished preparing the food that she promised her husband, and she laid it out on the table for him to find ready, she's been standing by the door with her purse in her hand.

It's been around an hour of standing, but she doesn't feel the effect of standing idly for an hour. It's probably because her mind is filled with a single thought; she's painfully closing a book of her life. After all these years, she's leaving.

Just then, the door opens and Goku appears.

'I'm back,' he announces as though to say that he kept his promise.

Robotically, she turns to him to tell him, 'I'm leaving.'

She doesn't expect alarm to come from him, because she knows him. He's Goku after all, and Goku doesn't automatically assume the worst at the first piece of information that he receives. Unless in the case of fighting and earth being threatened, bad news has to be literally spelled out for him, otherwise it'll just be a series of questions, as he tries to get to the meaning of the first hint.

'Oh,' he's innocently surprised, 'are you going to see the Ox King?'

'No,' she sniffs.

Apparently perplexed, but not yet alarmed –far from it-, he frowns. 'Uh… are you going to visit Gohan?'

The idea apparently suddenly excites him and he gets boyish excitement smeared all over his face. Where it would've been endearing in the past, it just tears her inside brutally now.

'Please, please Chi-Chi, can we go together?' he begs, 'I promise to eat as fast I can. I'm dying to see Pan.'

This man, she looks at him with pained wonder, this man will never stop to amaze her.

Chi-Chi sighs heavily. 'No, Goku,' she gently tells him, 'I'm not going to see Gohan or Pan.'

'Then…' he frowns again, 'where are you going?'

In the past, she would've yelled the answer, but today, she doesn't have the capacity to. Calm and wounded, is the only way that she can do anything today.

'I didn't say I'm going anywhere Goku,' she tells him, 'I said I'm leaving.'

'Oh,' is all he says.

Interpreted correctly, she knows that he has no idea what she means, neither does he know what to ask next. It's up to her to make him understand what she means, even if it will shred her apart to say aloud.

'I love you, Goku,' she decides to spell it out for him, putting all of her shattered heart into the words that will come out of her mouth. 'I really do, and I believe that I will love you until I die, but as from this moment, I am no longer your wife.'

Confused, not understanding what she really means, he scratches the back of his head. 'Huh?'

'I know it seems cruel and vindictive to leave just when you've arrived…'

When Goku's friends hear about this from him later on, one of them is bound to think that she waited for him to arrive, so she could leave and he would feel the pain of being left indefinitely without a proper goodbye. That's honestly the furthest thing from the truth, because she would never intentionally hurt Goku; she loves him.

'And when you go over it in your head, you might come to think of this as my way of punishing you, but honey –she still thinks of him this way- I'm not doing this to hurt you or pay you back for the many times that you left me without a single hug.'

'But I don't understand, Chi-Chi,' he tries, 'Are you saying that you're leaving like I left?'

The way he asks that, though, grinds her shattered heart into a pile of ash ready to be blown away by the wind. It's exactly telling her that he doesn't mind her leaving if she feels like she needs to leave. His tone says that he thinks it's perfectly okay for her to leave for a cause; he wouldn't want to keep her back from doing what she feels is right in her heart.

How can any wife not be destroyed by that?

Every woman wants her man to cherish her, while every man never fathoms the idea of being away for longer than a month from the woman that he loves. Heck, even stone-cold-exterior Vegeta never leaves his wife the way Goku just ups and leaves.

'Yes…' she starts, resigning to the fact that she can't begin to explain her leaving to him.

'Okay,' he gently accepts, 'You'll come and visit, right?'

'No,' she says as two tears from her respective eyes.

Experiencing this with him right now, she realises that this is how it must be with him whenever he decides to leave or stay away from home. In his head, he probably always sees their reactions from his own point of understand. He must truly believe that everyone accepts decisions they way that he does.

'Goku...' What does she say next?

She will not come to visit, because it won't be good for her. She understands that what she's doing is not right, and that she can't mend years of waiting, with leaving and hoping to find peace, but what else can she do? If she stays, it will only be a matter of time, before Goku decides that he needs to leave again and then she will be all alone all over again.

All throughout the years that they've been married, that she's been loving him, Goku unfortunately, never mastered the art of being the adequate family man. He mastered the art of training and he excelled on all levels of fighting, but he sadly never got to understand that a man, a married man, was truly needed at home.

Goku didn't ever learn that two heads in a household, made better than one. He didn't fully capture the essence behind two hearts, and that one heart, couldn't love itself, it needed to love another. And, sadly, even the carnal part, he didn't give extreme importance to. Where any man would give his time to have sexual pleasure, for Goku, it wasn't something that he necessarily required. While he did thoroughly enjoy intercourse with her, he apparently never grasped the importance it had in sustaining a marriage.

'What do you mean no?' Goku wonders, 'Do you want us to come visit you instead?'

He's died three times, he went away for year periods or he chose to stay away for as long as he liked, and all the while, she waited for him. Yes, she yelled and screamt at him when he was home, and yes, she was harsh, but that was how she endured the absences. When she was all alone and her son and husband were off in battle, and her heart was racing with fear of whether or not they were still alive, reminiscing on all the ways she yelled and lost her temper, kept her sane. She knew that once they were back, she wouldn't have them with her for very long and having happy memories, would only eat away at her and bring her longing, added onto the anguish that she felt in their absence. It's a coping mechanism that many wouldn't understand, but it has worked for her.

'I'm sorry, Goku,' she chokes, wiping her tears away, 'but you will never see me again.'

With that, she brushes past him and steps out of the door.

'Chi-Chi,' he calls after her.

She bravely ignores him, keeping her steps in check. This is one of the times that she wishes she could fly.

'Chi-Chi, please wait,' he calls desperately. 'I don't understand.'

Now he is beginning to worry, she thinks. It's not something that she can revel in, neither does she want to, but it's a fact. He's starting to feel that something _is_ wrong.

She feels a pair of large hands take hold of her from the back before Goku appears in front of her.

'Tell me,' he pleads with his eyes more than he does with his words, 'what is going on? Why won't I ever see you again?'

She lets out a breath, dying inside that he's feeling lost like this. She's not supposed to be doing this to him. He's a good man, the man that she loves, she shouldn't be the reason for his sorrow.

In attempt to at least feather away some of his lostness, she cups his face in her hands.

'I'm not doing this to hurt you, or make you feel what I felt every time that you left,' she sobs out, 'but Goku, if you love me-'

'I do love you,' he protests as though he suddenly feels accused that he doesn't.

'Then let me go,' she softly pleas her request. 'Don't stop me, just let me go. Please.'

If she's ever craved anything more in her life from him, it's nothing compared to now. Right now, she desperately, with all of her soul and her barely existing heart, needs him to let her go.

'Please, Goku,' she begs with defeat, 'Let me go.'

Before his hands drop from her body, a light dies in his eyes and the confused incomprehension that had been on his face, transitions to a pale mask. She can't allow herself to see his true expression, when he realises (which will happen shortly, as he is in deep thought) the meaning, so she steps to the right and heads for the car, so that she can leave right away.

She doesn't know what she's going to do next, she only knows that the one thing that she's excellent at, she can't be anymore. She used to be the understanding, bearing and patient wife to a Saiyan man, but from today, she knows that she's only going to be hurting like hell.

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Chapter 2, **Before.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2, **Before.**

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If there's one thing that Goku doesn't like; besides being hungry, besides losing energy during a fight and besides being late for a meal, it's definitely not knowing or understanding something. It's always such a bother to not know something, much more, not to _understand_ something. He absolutely doesn't like it! It makes him feel lost and stupid, and unknown by him, to other people, it always seems like a spark within him goes out, to be replaced by a rigid face.

No, he really, really doesn't like not understanding something.

The thing that he hates about not understanding something, is that, inevitably, he'll _have_ to do that thing that hurts his head to do; to think. Thinking too hard or too much when trying to come to terms with something, always makes his head ache sorely. He doesn't know why, but that's the way it's always been.

Right now, he doesn't understand a single thing, and he just knows that his head will suffer the consequences.

Okay, well, he knows that Chi-Chi is gone, and he knows that he has a funny feeling in his stomach for some reason, but more than that, no. He doesn't understand much of anything else. It's strange really… if he had to describe it, he would say that he suddenly feels like he's staring out at a vast galactic sight, a sight that has nothing for the eye to see, even though it's filled with an array of things. He doesn't know, that's just how he would describe it…

He blinks three times to clear his mind of the current incomprehension, thinking that if he does that, he will have the ability to regain himself and really try to understand what it is that just took place with his wife, and most importantly, _why_ he doesn't understand it.

'I should probably eat first,' he reasons aloud to himself, 'because I can't think when I'm this hungry.'

The problem is, the prospect of eating doesn't excite him as much as it had when he was flying back from Bulma's, and although he notices the lack of excitement, he doesn't ponder on it. Instead, he makes his way to the table where Chi-Chi laid out his dishes.

'Oh man,' he says, excitement once again beginning to bubble inside him, 'the food looks great. I can't wait to eat it.'

At nearly the same level of intensity as how he doesn't like not understanding something, he likes to mentally taste food before actually putting it in his mouth. Being as fast an eater as he is, the time to mentally taste his food is significantly less than a second, but to him, it's enough. It's the reason that he gets hyperly excited when he sees food.

He especially likes to mentally taste Chi-Chi's food before he gulps it down his throat like he hasn't had any food to eat in days. Right now, however, just thinking that the food looks great and remembering that Chi-Chi made it for him, he realises that he doesn't quite have the same anticipation as always.

 _Huh_ , he truly thought he was as excited as he imagined he would be, but apparently, that isn't the case.

He should wonder why that is, but he doesn't. In his head, (taking into consideration how poorly he performs when he's hungry) he thinks that if he gets something in his stomach, everything will automatically fall into place. With a filled stomach, his mind will start work as it should, which will lead him to begin understanding what happened with Chi-Chi and why he feels… _strange_ for some reason.

Taking in a small breath and brushing aside his decreased anticipation, Goku picks up his fork, immediately digging into the food. He takes down three forks of spaghetti in a rush, before dully setting his fork on the table.

'Hmm,' he says to himself, his eyes narrowing. 'The food's delicious, and I sure would love to eat it,' he says thoughtfully, 'but I wonder why I don't want to eat.'

This doesn't make sense. He usually loves to eat. Even when he's not hungry, he would never turn down the chance to eat.

'I'm not sick, am I?' he wonders, adding a frown to his face.

The only other time that he lost his appetite, was when he was sick with the virus. Back then, he really had no interest to eat anything, even though it would've contributed to his health. However, this is different, because while he doesn't feel like eating, he's still hungry and would very much like to get his stomach filled. He still has an appetite, but strangely, he doesn't want to eat. That doesn't make sense at all.

'I know,' an idea comes to him, cheering him up, 'I'll go and get a bean from Korin.' That should take care of his predicament.

The idea refreshes his mind even more than it usually during a fight. His refreshment hurriedly drives him out of his chair and has him taking off out of the house and midway in the air, when he remembers that he didn't close the door to the house. He impatiently lowers himself to the ground, and then goes back to close the door, before taking off again in the direction of the land with Korin Tower.

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 **26Chapters**

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'Korin?' Goku cheerfully calls as he throws his leg over the stone railing leading into the home of the Tower.

Being a slave to any and all forms of training, Goku climbed up the Tower the old-fashioned way. He would've liked to simply fly up there, but he felt like it would be cheating if he did. Even though he climbed up, he made it up the Tower in under two minutes, which is a major difference from when he first climbed up the Tower.

When he sets both his feet on the landing, he waits for a response to come from somewhere inside. Seconds pass with no answer, so he tries again.

'Korin,' he summons a little louder, adding, 'Are you here?'

It's then that Yajirobe lazily comes out of the opening leading to the heart of the Tower. Goku silently smiles to himself, it seems the man has made a permanent home of the Tower. That's great, he thinks, at least Korin isn't all alone all the time.

Yajirobe, for his turn, seems surprised to see him. 'Goku?'

'Hi, Yajirobe,' he waves, disregarding the man's permanent frown. 'Is Korin here?'

Almost immediately after his question, Goku giggles sheepishly, realising how silly he's being. This is after all Korin Tower, where else would Korin be if not in his Tower? He takes it for granted that Korin wouldn't just leave his home.

'Of course he is,' Goku answers himself, 'this is Korin Tower.'

Apparently either unconcerned or unfazed, Yajirobe looks over his shoulder to gruffly shout, 'Korin!'

'All right, all right,' the cat master answers as though, appearing behind Goku. Goku senses him and turns to him. 'Nice to see you again Goku,' he greets.

'It's good to see you too, Korin,' Goku returns with a smile.

Man, it feels like forever since he saw Korin. He should really make a point to come and visit the master a lot more, not just drop by when he needs something. He didn't know that it would feel _this_ good to see Korin. Or Yajirobe for that matter.

'It's good to know I count for something,' Yajirobe sulks in a sour voice, making Goku turn back to him.

'Come on, Yajirobe,' Goku tries, 'you know that I' happy to see you too.'

He really _is_ happy to see Yajirobe, more than he thought he would be. He should wonder why it's like that, but he doesn't. Goku isn't the type of person to analyse feelings beyond what he knows. Fighting techniques and training programs, he can easily decipher, but feelings aren't his forte. He believes that feelings are as straightforward as anything can be. If he's sad, he's just sad, there shouldn't be anything to analyse about it.

Yajirobe grunts and shuffles away back inside the heart, but Goku knows that he likes the appreciation despite his reaction. Yajirobe pretends to be upset and sour, but he's really a good hearted guy, Goku knows that about him.

'So, Goku,' Korin brings his attention back to him, 'what brings you here?'

'Um… yeah… about that…' he giggles sheepishly, 'I was wondering, could I have a senzu bean?'

Now that he's said it, he just hopes that Korin doesn't ask him what it's for. He suddenly gets the feeling that Korin will be surprised (and not in a good way) to learn that he only wants a senzu bean to tame his hunger.

Rubbing his paw on his face, Korin evenly asks, 'You came all the way here for a senzu bean?'

He's almost too embarrassed to answer, what with the way Korin made it sound like it's crime. The way Korin asks that, anyone would believe without a doubt that he's in disbelief of what Goku did. Goku can't exactly say that Korin's face is expressive, but he does notice a minimal change in the cat's usually constant expression. Maybe it's the Saiyan in him that can pick up such a thing, but he notices it all right.

'I'm hungry Korin,' he whines nonetheless.

In the silence that follows, Korin looks at him as though considering his words more than considering him. Goku almost feels uneasy standing before the master. The thing is, he really doesn't know how else to explain it to Korin that he's hungry, but can't eat the food at his house, because he can't seem to.

'What is it, Korin?' Goku pushes to know. He also just wants for Korin to stop looking at him like that, it's making him uneasy.

'I was just wondering,' Korin finally gives him, 'why you came all the way here to get a single bean. I was wondering if between here and where you came from, there was no food.'

Again, Goku notices, there's something in how Korin reveals his thoughts to him, that's incredulous. He can't really blame the master for thinking that way because even _he_ sees how strange this situation is.

'Aw, come on Korin,' he tries something between a complaint and a plea, 'If I could eat where I came from, I wouldn't have come all the way here. Come on Korin, I'm _really_ hungry.'

Korin shakes his head as if to dismiss the matter. 'Catch,' he tosses a bean to Goku.

Goku catches the bean and throws it into his mouth, beginning to chew it almost instantly. He swallows it with a big smile on his face. 'Thanks Korin. Is it okay if I take a little nap here?'

He asks the question, but he doesn't expect the answer to be no, because he's already on his way inside the heart of the Tower. He really could use a good nap now that he's eaten. Sleeping will do him some good, he just knows that it will.

He'll only sleep for a second.

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 **26Chapters**

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Deep within the realm of sleep, Goku doesn't see Korin and Yajirobe looking over him, each thinking their own thoughts. He doesn't see Yajirobe fiercely frown as he tries to bring together what is wrong with him, neither does he see Korin run his paw repeatedly over his chin as he meshes all the cogs together with the pieces that they belong to.

It's Yajirobe who finally breaks their silence, making his observation known for the first time. 'He seems different.'

Korin only purrs his agreement, not willing to speak just yet.

'I mean,' Yajirobe continues, 'he's as cheery as always, but there's something about him that's different. Do you think he's stronger than ever Korin? I mean, nothing about Goku's strength will surprise me anymore.'

'He is different, yes,' Korin confirms, 'but as to whether he's stronger, I would say he's the opposite.'

After disclosing this to the man beside him, Korin turns away from Goku and gets his feet moving in the opposite direction. The sleeping man should be allowed his rest in silence, not with the two of them conversing away while looking over him.

As Korin knew it would happen, Yajirobe follows him.

'Huh?'

'Ah, Yajirobe,' Korin sighs, 'Goku is weaker now than he has ever been. It's true that his physical strength is at its best-'

'I don't get you Korin,' Yajirobe interrupts him, 'you say one thing and then you say another. I think I'll just go ahead and sleep like Goku, because I can't understand you anyway.'

Yajirobe's statement and his leaving don't do anything to Korin. In fact, he doesn't even consider them, because he is too busy lost in thought about Goku. He wouldn't expect Yajirobe to be interested enough anyway.

It's a shame, Korin thinks, Goku doesn't even know what's really wrong with him, just like he doesn't know how weak he really is at the moment. His mind hasn't begun to know that he had security in the simple fact that his wife was always there, but now that she's gone, his security is gone. Korin wouldn't even have known if he didn't upgrade his barrels of water a few days earlier. Thank goodness he decided to pay Dende a visit when he did some days ago.

What's happening to Goku, is something that Korin knows, but isn't within his reach to grasp, and because of that, Korin cannot do anything but wait for Goku to understand it himself. There's a line between understanding and teaching that divides Korin's help from Goku this time. He simply can't help the strong Saiyan, no matter how much he wants to.

The thing is, in all his wisdom and excellence, Korin remains a cat. His mind and being aren't able to literally comprehend the essence of human feelings. To him, in depth, feelings are tactile, related to bodily and physical contact and that is as far as it goes for him. He can know about human feelings and be aware of their effect, but no more than that. Which is why he can't do anything for Goku this time. He can't teach him anything, or give him any guidance, because it isn't in his realm of experience to do so.

'Rest now Goku,' Korin mutters, slightly sorry that he can't help, 'because when you wake up, you'll start the hardest training you've ever had in your life.'

Korin is almost a hundred percent sure that this nap, as Goku called it, will be the most peaceful sleep he will have for a time to come, so it's best that he enjoys it. When he wakes up, his mind will be open to thinking and once that happens, his soul will make itself known to him, and then, his training will begin. His training won't involve weights, running around and combat exercises. No, his training will be much harder than that. It will be more complex and intricate than it originally presents to be. Korin dares to call it training, because with the mind of a warrior that Goku has, he will most definitely see it as training.

Seeing as how this ultimate training is the only thing keeping Goku from being a Supreme Saiyan, Korin thinks, it's only fitting that it has to be the most difficult yet.

* * *

Chapter 3, **Cinderella.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3, **Cinderella.**

* * *

The first thought that comes to her mind as soon she gains full consciousness from the land of sleep, is where she's heard something like, 'It's a new dawn, it's a new day and I'm feeling good.'? Because yes, it's a new dawn and it's a new day, but she's definitely _not_ feeling good.

With her eyes tightly pressed shut, she lets out a long sigh characteristic of herself. Today, it begins.

She should probably open her eyes first, and then lift her head from the pillow, and after that, she should finally get up from her bed. This is what she _should_ do, and she wants to do it, she really does, but she doesn't have the strength to yet. The only strength that she has for now, is to sternly question herself.

 _What have you done, Chi-Chi?_

Did she really leave her home, her entire adult life, and most importantly, _her_ Goku just when he returned? Did she really do _that_? Did she really leave behind everything that's been constant in her life for... for _this_? For a bland unfamiliar room, two cities away from her home? For an overly large bed, in an overly fancy hotel that doesn't appeal to her in the slightest?

This place that she's in, this hotel room, doesn't have any trace of a homey environment. Yes, it's well put together and well organised, but the aura that represents a home, is absent from it. And on top of that, how many people, how many couples and how many thugs and delinquents have spent days in here before she did? That alone should be proof that it _isn't_ a home, and she definitely _doesn't_ belong here.

She belongs somewhere else. She belongs home, she thinks, not here.

She should go back home. That's really what she should do. She should go back home, where she knows where the pots are, even with her eyes closed. Home where her teen son, Goten, would usually be clanging around in the house at this time.

She should go back home, she decides, snapping her eyes open and jerking herself up into a seated position on the bed.

Even as her eyes take in her current room, her heart takes a rapid plunge downwards into her stomach, in turn making her stomach twist in an unpleasant way. She nearly gasps out a rough sob to verbally express her pain, but she catches herself just in time, because it isn't right. _She's_ the one who made the decision to leave, she's responsible for her own hurt, so she should have to take it as it is, and not play the victim. That is after all the way that warriors are taught to know from the time they first start engaging in training. She knows firsthand that once a warrior makes a decision, he or she is automatically exempt from trying to play the victim.

But she cannot help it, she feels that she _needs_ to go back home. She just has to go back home! This isn't who she is, this person that she wants to train herself to be, isn't who she is. The person that she is, doesn't run away from heartache, she doesn't hide herself from pain. No, she stays and yells at it! That's who she is... and so, she should go back home and continue to be who she is.

'Chi-Chi,' she weakly cuts through her own thoughts, making her eyelids droop lazily, 'what are you doing?'

Really, what in the world does she think she's doing? Why can't she make up her mind? The fact that she's here, in this hotel room that Mr. Satan arranged for her, should be a clear indication that her mind is made up. Not forgetting that she asked Gohan to let Goten live with him and Videl, and then telling her very own husband to let her go and allow her to no longer be his wife. All that should be a clear indication of her firm decision, except, she doesn't know, it tears right in the middle of her soul, you know.

Actually, in truth, she feels a combination of things. It's not just that her soul is tearing in the middle, it's a lot of other things too. If only she could close her eyes and go back to sleep again for at least ten years to block it all out. Just like that girl from the fairytale... what was her name again? The Sleeping Beauty as they called her.

She wishes that she could experience that, and maybe someday when Goku finds her, he'd wake her up with a beautiful kiss that would erase all that she feels right now, and all the heartache from the past.

'Hmm,' she lets out a dreamy breath of a sigh, momentarily treating herself to a brief fraction of a second of a luxurious imagination. If only...

'Stop it, Chi-Chi,' she reprimands herself weakly. Even the energy to put her heart into scolding herself, she doesn't want to find.

It's only typical to go through this, she thinks to herself, letting out another long sigh. She knew that she would feel this way, especially within the first week of leaving her life behind. So, it's only natural that her thoughts are trying to contradict her decisions, while her soul tries to defy her body. It's all so natural. Or at least, that's what she believes.

The only solution to it, she decides, is to shake it all off, ignore her feelings and body parts that are aching to return home, and only focus on this opportunity that Mr. Satan arranged for her. She has to put all else aside and just get a move on for the day.

Thinking this, she wildly swings back the covers and throws both of her legs over the side of the bed. From this moment onwards, she will not make her mind linger in the past. From this moment, she will begin her new life.

'If only that was as easy as it is spoken,' she mumbles as she stretches her arms high above to awaken them.

Following the stretching of her arms, her first foot lowers onto the floor and just as she thinks to lower her other foot, her first foot steps on something a little uncomfortable. Out of surpise more than pain, she emits a small exclamation.

'Aaaah!'

What did she just step on, she wonders, gently easing her other foot down so that it doesn't suffer the same fate as her first foot. She takes a small peek on the floor to know exactly what caused her delicate foot discomfort, but seeing her car keys, automatically brings an attack from an ancient memory to her mind.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

'Aaaaaaaaaah!'

That shriek of pain! She would know it _anywhere_. She's heard it around ten times in total since she got married, and the intervals between that specific shrieking sound have been widespread, but she still knows it _very_ well.

She drops her laundry basket at once, spilling the freshly dry clothes onto the floor, as she makes a dash towards the only person in the house who would make such a sound.

'Goku?' she calls for her husband while she runs towards the place where his shriek came from. 'Honey?'

In her mind, she knows that she shouldn't worry, because when her husband shrieks like that, it usually isn't serious at all. However, her heart is a giant sucker for him and it would melt for even the slightest of pain for him. She's almost certain that he's not really in trouble, but she cannot stop concern from bursting out of her anyway. He is her husband, and her duty is to worry about him, and she does it effortlessly either way.

When she reaches the door to Gohan's room, she finds him hopping around on one foot, with his other foot clutched in his hand.

'Ow, ow, ow,' he shrieks in a high pitched voice, so unlike his usually even tone.

First looking around before she can ask him why he's acting the way that he is, her eyes land on one of Gohan's toys on the floor. She then easily gathers that he must've stepped on it. A sigh of relief leaves through her mouth, while a faint endearing smile forms on her face.

'Goku, honey,' she tries for his attention, 'can I ask you something?'

'Aw, Chi-Chi,' Goku continues to hop around on one foot, 'can it wait until my foot is okay? Stepping on that toy really hurt!'

He's adorable, Chi-Chi finds herself thinking. Although the scene before her is a little funny, it's mostly too cute to bear. Watching him dance around like that, because he stepped on a toy, and then hearing him confess that stepping on said toy really hurt him, makes a warm liquid-like sensation spread all over her. She married the most perfect man in the world!

'That's exactly my point,' she tells him, leaning against the doorframe for a better view to admire her adorable husband from.

Her words, make Goku stop at once and shoot her a look of confusion. If she thought that it couldn't get any cuter, she thought wrong.

'Huh? Don't tell me that you're angry because I stepped on a toy.' He sounds like he doesn't want to believe what she just said. 'That's not fair Hon, I didn't do it on purpose.'

Her big lug of a husband, she stares at him softly, he's too adorable for words. However in the world did she end up with someone like him?

Lettig out a soft chuckle, she says, 'I know you didn't. What I mean is, why do small things hurt you and have you screaming, when you enter a fight with a smile on your face? I just don't get it honey.'

It's always been an intriguing thing for her. The fact that he gets excited to the maximum to fight an opponent that's stronger than he is, but screams like a baby when a little clumsy accident happens to him, has always been a wonder to her.

Goku laughs sheepishly, apparently getting what she means.

'Oh, that,' he shrugs. 'I don't know. There's a lot of excitement when I'm fighting, so I guess my body just doesn't register the pain.'

That can't be right, she counters in her head, but to him, she brings up another case to try and prove her point.

'Hmph,' comes from her, 'There's also a lot of excitement when we're doing a certain thing together, but you feel everything just fine then.'

He feels it more than just fine when they are... together like that... so she won't fall for his body not feeling anything when he's excited. She refuses to accept the whole excited body thing, because it's just too darn unbelievable.

As if undecided between feeling amused and feeling caught out, Goku lets out a laugh of the kind, adding a small effect of scratching his cheek with his index finger, before suddenly turning serious. This Goku of hers.

'I don't know why exactly,' he tells her thoughtfully, 'but I know that just thinking of a needle sticking into me, is pretty scary Chi-Chi.'

That doesn't really explain anything. What makes a small needle prick scary, compared to the brutal beatings that he takes during the Martial Arts Tournament? She really tries to understand him by reading his face, only, the serious look that he has on, doesn't help her along.

'Don't think too hard about it, Chi-Chi,' he patiently tells her, apparently seeing what she's trying to do. 'I know I don't.'

That's just like him, she smiles, huffing out a sigh of acceptance at the same time. He probably doesn't even know why _he_ gets scared of tiny things, more than the big things. But then again, in a way, she understands him. It's always the small things that really define something and someone. You would think that the enormous things would say a lot about someone, but in actual fact, it's the small things that matter at the end of the day.

'Okay. Do you want me to look at your foot?' she offers.

'No, thanks,' he flashes her a grateful smile, and then reaches out his hand towards her at the door. 'But I think we better clean up Gohan's toys before another accident happens.'

He'll most likely be a nuisance more than help in clearing Gohan's toys away, but who is she to refuse him her company?

'Sure,' she agrees with all the fondness in the world for him, in her heart.

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 **26Chapters**

* * *

Well, there's goes her plan of not letting her thoughts linger in the past, Chi-Chi thinks.

By just that one memory, she feels defeated, she feels like a failure, unable to do even one simple thing. Why does it have to be like this for her? Why can't she just put the past aside and move on?

She feels weak to move; it's as though her energy was consumed by that wonderful memory, and now, she can't even get her feet to move away from the bed to the bathroom to start her day.

'Ouf,' she verbally complains, making herself plump back into the firm mattress on the bed. She hangs her head in the defeat that she feels.

This conflict that she feels, this push and pull going on inside her, it can't be normal, can it? She would think that it's perfectly normal, seeing as she had everything and then in the blink of an eye, she chose to leave it all, but still...

'Chi-Chi?' a soft voice sounds, making her snap her head up.

She can't believe her eyes! More than that, however, she can't believe herself. Did she really think that Goku wouldn't find her?

'Go… ku?' she stutters out.

She's surprised to see him present in her room, much more at this specific hour, because from what she can remember, he's not an early riser. However, what surprises her more than seeing him, is the fact that he _did_ find her; that is the last thing that she expected him to do.

Showing her a welcoming smile and lifting his hand in small wave at the same time, Goku greets her, 'Hi, Hon.'

And as if that isn't enough, he swiftly manoeuvers to plant himself beside her on the bed, consequently stealing her breath. When she turns her head to him, and their eyes come in contact, she feels her entire system constrict as if bound by an invisible force.

Her husband will surely be the death of her. What in the universe is he doing here?

* * *

Chapter 4, **Don't Make Me Wait.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4, **Don't Make Me Wait.**

* * *

If he's being perfectly honest, it's not easy for him to disregard the look of surprise on Chi-Chi's face. The curious person that he is, would, in this situation, prod and pry and most definitely mention the fact that she's surprised to see him. However, despite being that curious person, he puts Chi-Chi's surprise away for now, to let her be the one who speaks first. He feels like he owes it to her, since he showed up without an invitation.

'What are you doing here, Goku?' she asks.

This time, -because the wonder in her tone has him wondering why she's surprised- it's a little bit harder to disregard her surprise.

'Who, me?' he asks looking to his side, to see if there's someone other than him there.

'Yes you,' Chi-Chi rolls her eyes, 'who else would I be talking to?'

When Chi-Chi rolls her eyes, he remembers, it usually means that she's not all that happy with his responses. Although it's something that she doesn't like, he secretly likes it when she's a little irritated. He doesn't know why, but that's how it always has been; he's always found 'irritated Chi-Chi' ideal.

But for now, something tells him that it's not the time to push her buttons.

'You're right, I guess,' he resigns, allowing her the opportunity to direct the conversation again.

He doesn't want to start up with something that will irritate her, when he just made the decision to steer clear of irritating her. Also, he doesn't how exactly to start with what brought him to her; he's a little apprehensive to bring it up, because she told him to let her go when she left.

Shifting to the side, away from him, Chi-Chi lets out a long sigh, as though tired. She must've not slept well, Goku thinks to himself. She's probably tired from not resting as she should've.

That's a shame, he thinks with a slight frown, Chi-Chi always works so hard, she should always get the sleep that she deserves.

'So what are you doing here?' she repeats after another sigh, 'And for the love of something, why are you flickering?'

What? Flickering? Him? What?

'Huh?' he wonders, screwing his face up in confusion.

'You're flickering!' she sternly repeats, 'Stop doing that!'

'I don't know what you're talking about Chi-Chi,' he cries back, 'I'm not doing anything.'

He's only sitting here watching her, he's not doing anything else. How can she accuse him of doing something that he's not? That's not very fair.

Not so calmly, she gets up, pulling him off the bed by the arm with her, and partly drags him into the bathroom, pushing him right in front of the mirror once inside. He doesn't know what she did that for, because he still didn't do what she said he did.

'Look,' she demands, pointing her finger at the long mirror on the bathroom wall.

He slowly follows her finger to look at the mirror like she instructed. At the first glance of himself, he immediately sees what she's talking about.

'Wow,' he exclaims, excitement bubbling all through his veins. 'Look Chi-Chi! You're right, I _am_ flashing.'

He's flashing so rapidly that no other eyes, other than those of a trained martial artist's, would be able to pick up.

Wow! He's amazed. Not only by the fact that Chi-Chi can see it, but also because he's never seen himself flashing before.

The first time that he turned into a Super Saiyan, he only felt a current reverberate in his body, but he wasn't able to see his hair and his eyes change colour. He even got to see Gohan flashing in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, as he struggled to turn into a Super Saiyan, but he never got to see himself flashing, like he's doing now.

He can't explain the feeling.

It's like watching a powerful opponent speedily flexing his limbs with no effort at all… it's _that_ impressive and _that_ excitement-arousing.

The deep purple colour that his hair is threatening to become for seconds at a time, is mesmerising and yet, so humbling. He can't put into words how tantalising it is to see himself like this, and at the same time, how vulnerable it makes him feel. In the same way that this flashing makes him want to grab the closest person to him and get into a friendly fight with, it also makes him realise that at the end of it all, he's not invincible…

The contrasting is not necessarily confusing, but it does leave him a little puzzled. He doesn't like being puzzled, so he needs to direct his mind away from that. To do that, he carefully studies himself in the mirror, causing excitement to run through his Saiyan veins.

Huhuhu… Goku silently chants in his head… the force of the adrenaline rushing deep within his being… oh, man… what he wouldn't give to have _just_ one little fight…

He suddenly remembers that there's someone _right_ next to him, and maybe, she'll agree to a little match with him. Or at least, he can try to ask her and hear what she says.

'Hey, Chi-' he starts as he turns to her, unceremoniously stopping when he sees the look on her face.

'You don't look too happy,' he observes.

She looks more like she's had enough of being here in the bathroom, more than she looks unhappy, to be honest. He wonders if it has something to do with his flashing. She's always been a perfectionist, and so much more on matters of appearance, so it could very well be the fact that he's flashing.

'You still haven't told me what you're doing here,' she tells him, making it sound like it's the reason for her looking like she is.

Now that she's answered, it's like she's not even considering his flashing. It almost doesn't make sense, because she's the one who complained about his flashing in the first place. But yes, he can say that she isn't all that bothered by his flashing. Rather, it seems that she wants their time together to be as over with, as it can be.

Huh, he doesn't understand Chi-Chi sometimes, she can be _so_ confusing.

But, he promised himself not to upset her, so he'll just have to go along with her rules. He is the one who came to seek her out after all. Against her orders, might he add.

'Oh, yeah,' he fully turns to face her, 'I almost forgot.'

Between seeing himself flashing and getting excited about it, it almost slipped his mind why he came here in the first place. He'd been so caught up in trying to ask Chi-Chi to agree to one little fight with him, that-

'So…?' she questioningly cuts his thoughts out of his head. 'Are you going to tell me or not?'

Right… he was starting to lose track again. He better keep up.

'I don't really understand what you said yesterday,' he confesses, changing his expression to that of a little lost boy, 'and it's bothering me.'

If he's being really honest, he doesn't know why it's bothering him so much that he doesn't understand what she said. He knows that she left, and that she won't be returning to their home anymore. That much he knows, but he just _can't_ seem to understand it.

'I thought you figured it out by now,' she says tiredly. 'I can't believe you didn't think about it at all, _Goku_.'

He would've thought about it, if he hadn't gone to Korin's to get a senzu bean, he starts to recall, only to stop when he sees her slowly close her eyes.

The look on her face, makes him subconsciously step to her and place both of his hands on her shoulders. He doesn't like to see her like that, not like she will pass out at any given moment, because she can't handle all that's going on around her at the time.

'Aw, don't be upset with me, Chi-Chi.'

If she's like this because of him, he would much rather apologise to her and get her to see reason, than to see her pass out. If, for any reason, he allows her to pass out, they'll be a lot of yelling from her when she wakes up. And it's not even about the yelling, it's just that he doesn't want her to pass out.

'Come on, please,' he begs, smoothly toning his voice to get her to open her eyes.

Fortunately, she does. But she also lets out yet another sigh. 'Listen Goku, you're making this very difficult for me.'

There she goes again, saying things that he doesn't understand. What is he making difficult for her? And how is he making it difficult? What exactly is he doing that she's not happy with? He doesn't understand.

'I'm sorry about that,' he lets her know, sticking to his original thought of apologising. 'But I just don't understand anything right now.'

For a second time, she closes her eyes. 'You're supposed to.'

He can only take that as a cue for him to find out for himself what she really means. That's exactly what he'll do, he decides, he'll find out for himself.

The setting is right for him to do it. Her eyes are closed like they need to be for him tap into her mind, all that he has to do, is place his hand over her head and begin to read the thoughts in her head. He'll read everything that she's not telling him, so that he can understand what she means.

Taking in a small breath and closing his eyes too, he lifts one of his hands off her shoulders and places it over her head. He concentrates his energy to start the reading process, but then he realises that he hasn't got the right kind of contact with her head. With Krillin, it had been a piece of cake, because he's bald, but with Chi-Chi, he has to slide his finger into her hair.

'What are you doing?' she asks in a somewhat frightened tone.

He doesn't stop sliding his fingers into her hair, he only tells her that, 'It's okay.'

There's nothing to be afraid of, because what he's doing is not going to hurt her. She must know that.

Getting over the interruption, Goku tries to read her thoughts, except, nothing happens. Thinking nothing of it, he tries again, concentrating even harder than the first time. This time, although he does get into her mind, it doesn't give him the result that he expected.

What he thought he would find at the forefront of her mind, is not what greets him. Instead, it's a loaded thickness that feels grey and gloomy, that's so deep that he snatches his hand away from her head as soon as he's welcomed by the thickness.

'What was that?' he jumps back.

What did he do wrong? The technique has never failed him before.

Digging her thin fingers into her hair where Goku's fingers had been, Chi-Chi looks at him quizzically. 'What was what?'

'I tried to read your mind,' he explains, 'but I couldn't. There's something blocking your thoughts from me.'

'That must be my emotions,' she says, letting her hand drop down.

'Your emotions,' he tests on his tongue.

He's trying to get the feeling of the two words in his mouth, so that maybe, he can understand their magnitude.

'I didn't leave because I wanted to, Goku,' Chi-Chi tells him. 'Don't you know how much I love you?'

'If you didn't want to leave, then why did you?'

When he was on King Kai's planet, he didn't want to leave, so he didn't. What he knows about people in general, is that if they don't want to do something, they won't do it. Unless it's needed for the good of others to do that thing, of course.

' _Because_ …' she stresses.

Starting to feel a dull type of stress himself, he prods for more information. 'Because what?'

' _Because we don't want the same things!_ '

To be honest, he would've preferred it if she yelled that instead of just breathing it out like it came from a place that's in extreme pain. Had she yelled, it would've been easier for him to think of a responsive question, but since she didn't, he remains absolutely silent.

'I wanted four children, Goku,' she starts, 'Two boys like you and two girls like me. I wanted to wake up on Sundays and just lay in your arms for a few hours, talking about nothing at all. I wanted you to ask me to spar with you, just for fun, like we did when we were young. I wanted you to dread the day you had to leave, because you wouldn't get to see me for a while to come. I wanted so much, Goku. I wanted you to rub my feet after a long day. I wanted you to ask me to go and live with you in Uub's village. I wanted you to tell me you love me every single day-'

'But Chi-Chi,' he lets out hoarsely, 'if you wanted those things, why didn't you just tell me?'

It's not like he would've refused her. How was he supposed to know what she wanted if she never told him what she wanted? And _all_ those things, how was he to know that she wanted all of those things?

'You were supposed to want them too, that's why,' Chi-Chi says as though she can't say it enough. 'Some of those things you could've asked about, or brought up in a conversation. I shouldn't have had to tell you.'

'So is that why you left?'

If she left because of things that she didn't tell him that she wanted, why does he feel like he's the one being subtly accused? It's not really his fault if he didn't know that she wanted those things, but she never told him. It's a little unfair that he's being accused for something that he didn't know.

'No,' she cries

The inside of his head is starting to buzz like crazy. Why can't she just say how it is and why it is that way? Why is she driving him crazy like this?

'Chi-Chi,' he cries back, 'you're really confusing me. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't understand why you left, and it's bothering me. Just tell me _why_ you left.'

Before shaking her head, as if to indicate her defeat, she takes two steps away from him.

'If you can't figure it out, Goku,' she seems to conclude, 'then there's no point in you being here. Go and talk to your friend Piccolo, he knows why I left.'

'But-' he tries.

He doesn't want to go without knowing everything. Also, he did sort of excite himself with the idea of getting into a fight, and since she mentioned that she would've liked to spar with him for fun, the idea is sort of not going to leave his head until he sees it through.

'Go,' she insists, 'I have to get ready.'

'I still don't understand, Chi-Chi,' he tries again, it's that he can't just leave. 'And to be honest, I'm a lot more confused now than I was when I came.'

'When have I ever said no to you-' she asks, when he cuts her off.

'I wasn't counting, but it was a lot of times.'

There's almost always been a no involved in everything that he asked her for, so to have kept count of that, would've been useless anyway.

'-and it was effective?' she seems to complete.

Oh, his face drops a little, yeah, well that is an entirely different thing, because for all the times that she said no to him, he never listened to her anyway.

'My point exactly,' she states, taking his silence for an answer. 'If I give you this time, you'll only pull me back in again, and I really can't go back to the way it was. I'm sorry.'

The way she spoke, firstly, makes it sound like her life with him, had been terrible for her. And then consequently, digesting that, makes his stomach turn, but not in the way it does when he's hungry.

Goku stares at her, unable to form words, because all he can think of is if it has really been horrible for her.

The thought makes his stomach so uneasy that he feels like he can't stay here and look at her, knowing that he didn't give her what she wanted and then she became unhappy.

It's time for him to go, he decides on the spot, instantly disappearing without a word of goodbye to her.

He'll get to the bottom of this.

* * *

Chapter 5, **Even When It Hurts.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5, **Even When It Hurts.**

* * *

Finally, Chi-Chi lets out a giant sigh, she's here, she's finally here.

To say that she's relieved, would be an understatement like she's never understated anything before. The giant sigh that she let out, really means to represent her extraordinarily giant relief that she's _finally_ here.

The truth is, it's not so much that she's finally here, at her new workplace, as it is so much more that she's _away_ from the tension-filled atmosphere that she had shared with Goku just a few moments ago. There had been so much clouding around in that room, that she didn't know how she would've stuck on to her decision to leave her home, had Goku stayed for longer than he actually did.

Well, actually, on the one hand, she _is_ relieved that Goku left her to go about her day without his interference, but on the other, considering the fact that Goku left just _like that_ , her relief means nothing, because she knows to expect him back at _any_ time. She's sure of this, because she knows her husband and she knows that in his head, there's no finality to their parting just yet. He might stay away for a while, while he tries to figure everything out, but she's sure that he'll come back. If he came to see her unannounced once, he will most definitely do it again.

 _No, Chi-Chi_ , she reprimands herself, realising that she's letting Goku have her thoughts again, _you can't keep thinking about that man, you just can't. You need to concentrate on the here and now._

With that thought, she fully gathers herself up to her full height and takes in a breath, as her hand closes around the door handle into the guest house.

 _Now_ , she tells herself, _it's time to put the past behind her and focus what's in front of her._

One of the main reasons that she's glad to finally be here, is that it will provide her with the perfect distraction from her thoughts. Starting her first day as the Manager (in charge of the entire running of the guest house), she'll no doubt have a lot of responsibilities to fulfill, which won't leave her with spare time to think about her personal life or her past. She couldn't be more thankful for this job, because it's going to offer her with the relief that she hasn't really had since Goku left with Uub.

Feeling ready, especially since energised by the thought of there being no room for personal thoughts throughout the whole day, she pushes the front door open and takes her first step inside the guest house.

The first thing that greets her from the inside, is the fragrance in the air. The fragrance is too floral and too heavy for a welcoming scent, she notes. The first smell that should greet a person at the front door to any place, should be light and slightly undetectable to the point where the person's nose picks it up, but doesn't dwell on it, because it isn't a hindrance. The fragrance wafting about this guest house, however, is all too wrong, she notes. She'll have to have a few words with housekeeping about that. For now, though, she has to put it aside and move further into the guest house, to officially meet the owner of it and begin her job.

As she walks in through the guest house entrance, closes the door behind her and walks down the corridor, she silently begins to give herself a quick pep talk;

She has to be on her toes in here. She has to be one step ahead of all the employees. She has to be prepared for anything, because she _cannot,_ for the life of her, or rather, for what's left of her life, let herself mess _this_ opportunity up. Heaven knows she already messed her life up, so she cannot afford to mess this up as well. She will have to do better than her best. She will have to do this job exactly as she did when she first got married to Goku…

Back then, she'd done more than her best to make sure that her husband didn't complain about her or anything that she did. She'd aimed high to be the best wife and to live up to that title for all her married life. She afforded him patience, even when he tried and tested every single last one of her nerves. She gave him time to really know her on the inside, and she allowed all the time that he needed to learn to fall in love with her…

Thanks to that last thought, Chi-Chi suddenly realises _what_ she's doing.

There she goes thinking about _him_ again. She's not supposed to be thinking about Goku, she's supposed to be putting her Managing job at the forefront of her mind, so that she can excel in it, but here she finds herself thinking of Goku, as if she didn't debate with herself about it enough this morning. Exactly what will it take to purge that man from her thoughts, _even_ just for an hour?

Work! She tells herself.

It'll take work to empty her mind of that Goku man, at least for a while. But just as she feels renewed hope (from the thought of getting to work) rising within her, she hears the door behind her open. Thinking it's a staff member, she rotates on her feet to see the staff member enter, already preparing a word of warning for them, not to repeat coming in _after_ her again; _she_ should always be the last one to arrive.

To her surprise, though, it's not one, but two figures that appear in the doorway. At first, due to the amount of light flooding in through the open door, she draws her eyebrows together to try and make out the two figures clearly, until one of them says something. Something specific and only for her.

'Hey, Mom,' the voice of the youngest of her two sons happily calls.

Only then, does she clearly see both of her boys standing in the doorway, looking at her. She sets her eyes on Goten first, for the reason that he called her first. It's only been a day since she last saw him, but hearing him call for her, makes her heart think that it's been longer than two months since she last saw him. A mother's heart is a wonder...

'Goten?' she wonders, even when she can see that it's him.

It's her heart that wants the confirmation, because her eyes already have it. A mother's heart truly is a wonder.

'Hi, Mom,' Goten returns, rushing out of the door and coming to pull her into a big hug.

She didn't expect him to do that, she gets a minimal chance to think as her son's arms go around her. It's been a while since Goten actually hugged her, that she taught herself not to expect hugs from him.

'Oh, Goten,' she contently sighs, winding her arms around him in return, 'what's gotten into you?'

Not that she's complaining about the hug, but it's a little uncharacteristic of her younger son to show physical affection like this. If this was Gohan on the other hand, she wouldn't question it.

'I miss you, Mom,' Goten tells her in a slight whine.

Aww, her poor baby, she thinks, pulling him closer into her. It's the first time in his life that he's had to wake up without her there. He must have found it strange to not have had her there when the morning broke.

'It's just been a day, sweety,' she reminds, even though she misses being around him too.

When you settle into a pattern all your life, and you get used to doing the things that you do every day without fail, a shift in that pattern, will no doubt leave its hideous mark. And then that mark, will do its best to disrupt the lives of those involved.

'It feels _longer_ , Mom,' Goten pulls back from her. 'Can't I come and live with you? It's closer to school anyway.'

Oh, how she would love for that to be! She would love it if Goten lived with her instead of Gohan and Videl, but it simply can't be like that. Having Goten living with her isn't that much of a problem on its own, however, when she factors that Goku would easily have an excuse to come to where she lives to see Goten, then it presents as a _very_ big inconvenience for her.

'I know,' she tells her teen son, smoothing his hair. ' But I want to be on my own for a little while, all right?'

With Goten, she didn't really get into specifics. She didn't tell him that she would be leaving his father, so that she can start a life without him, because in her mind, Goten is still a young boy at heart, who would like to believe that his parents are the best in the whole world. The fact that Goten inherited more than just his looks from his father, is something that Chi-Chi sometimes has a hard time with.

'I know,' he accepts with a disappointed sigh, giving her the exact look that Goku makes when he understands that something has to be the way it is, but he still doesn't like it. 'But I still miss you. And Videl's food doesn't even compare to yours.'

'Hey,' Gohan defends, saying his first word since arriving, 'my wife makes the best food in the world.'

Chi-Chi just now realises that Gohan made his way from the door, to them. To acknowledge him, she turns his way and offers him a soft smile. It's always so lovely to see him.

'Only to you,' Goten responds by sticking his tongue out. 'I like Mom's cooking the best.'

'You won't say that when _you're_ married,' Gohan hotly retorts, making all of them to burst out laughing.

It feels so lovely to just have a silly laugh with her boys, that Chi-Chi allows for her laughter to last longer than it should. If she's being honest with herself, she's taking the opportunity to laugh now, while she can, to prepare for the times to come when she won't have laughter, but tears instead. As she's thinking this, a thought comes to her that makes her laughter die down.

She takes a serious look at Gohan. There must be a reason that both of them came to see her this early in the day, and she's going to find out what it is.

'So,' she observes Gohan, 'what is it?'

She knows her first son too well. While Goten took after his father, Gohan is a lot more like her; he doesn't know how to keep his real emotions from showing, even through distractions. She can and will always be able to read him.

'Huh?' Gohan seems to snap out if it, attempting to rearrange himself. 'What do you mean?'

'Why did you both come to see me? I can tell that something happened, so what _is_ it?'

Maybe something happened to the house. Maybe something that Goten and Trunks did, finally got them into trouble in the city. Whatever it is, though, it can't be that serious, otherwise she would have a terrible feeling inside her stomach as a warning. Over the years, she's become good at sensing when something bad was making its way to her, which is how she knows that whatever happened, can't be bad. At least, not extremely.

Gohan looks at Goten, and Goten makes a worried face back at him. What's more, Goten suddenly distances herself from her, as though to be away from her. Although she finds this suspicious, she doesn't comment on it. Her sons can be so playful when they are together sometimes.

'What?' she insists, looking from one to the other.

Although they put on serious expressions, they still keep looking at each other, and they say nothing to her. If they are aiming to get her temper up a little bit, they are doing well so far.

'Gohan, Goten,' she raises her voice, just not too much. 'I'm still your mother, and when your mother asks you something, you tell her!'

By raising her voice a little bit, she's only trying to be stern for them to tell her what it is at once, it's not that she really means to lose her patience with them. At the end of it all, this is still her first day, and she would like to get a move on with her day's work.

'Mom…' Gohan solemnly starts.

That tone is not right, Chi-Chi notes. That tone of Gohan's doesn't sound carefree and light. Could she be mistaken, and something bad really did happen?

'What is it?' she presses. 'Tell me.'

Encouraged by Gohan's sombre tone, Chi-Chi can't help it wonder if her emotions didn't get in the way of her intuition, to alert her that something wrong happened. Now, she's starting to worry. Especially when her sons look at each other again, and this time, all their faces fall when they turn back to her.

'Mom,' Goten breathes sadly, 'it's…'

Goku! It can only be Goku! They wouldn't be like that for just anyone! Something must've happened to Goku! But what? He was just with her. What could've happened in the short time after he left her?

'Don't tell me something happened to your father!' she verbally startles.

She would return home for good in an instant, if it meant that Goku would be all right because of it. Even though she left, she doesn't want anything bad to happen to him...

'No, Mom,' Gohan says with a firm tone, 'It's not Dad.'

The immediate alleviation that washes over her when Gohan says that, is too welcome to be ignored, and so she basks in it with closed eyes and a hand clutched to her heart. There are no words to describe how glad she is that Goku is fine and that there's nothing wrong with him.

'Oh,' she lets out in a long whisper, 'thank God. I was-'

'Mom, Grandpa's dead,' Goten blurts out in a hasty rush.

As though in slow motion, she hears a very distant and delicate object make its way down from up high, to land with a shattering crash on the floor. She tries to get her eyes to open, to look for the object, but she finds that she can't. Her eyelids refuse to budge apart, because it all of a sudden feels like she was robbed clean of all will to do anything for herself.

The delicate object that she heard shattering on the ground, continues to ring within her ears, causing her head to throb with an intensity that she can't tame. Not only that, her throbbing head also unapologetically infects her heart to the same fragility as itself, making her soul cry out with a deeply silent cry; a cry that is a testament to how deep the wound in her heart is.

'Goten!' she vaguely hears Gohan scold. 'You weren't supposed to say it like that!'

'I didn't know how else to say it,' Goten defends, faint tears audible in his voice.

It can't be, her injured heart thinks, it can't be her father. Her father came to see her three days ago, and he was perfectly fine, so it can't be. What Goten said can't be true!

'No,' she sobs, denying it by shaking her head. 'No. Not Daddy.'

She feels a hand on her shoulder and then hears, 'We're sorry, Mom,' come from Gohan. Following that, she feels a soft tug on the sleeve of her shirt.

'Mom,' Goten gently calls, 'Willow gave us this letter. He said Grandpa wrote it for you.'

She doesn't want a letter! She wants her sons to tell her that they are playing some kind of prank on her and that her father, her rock, the big old Ox King, is not really dead! She forces her eyes to open, so that she can beg her sons to stop being cruel and tell her the truth, to find waiting in front of her eyes, a folded letter held in place by Goten's shaking fingers.

For a long second, she can only look at the letter while tears stream down her cheeks, and her heart pleads to God and the Guardian of the Earth that none of this is real; not the insistent and repetitive shattering sounding in her ears, not the wound in her heart, and definitely not the news.

When the second passes and she sees that nothing seems like it will change, she reaches for the letter with a shaking hand. It hurts to make her hand reach for the letter, because in doing so, she's partly accepting and confirming that her father is really dead, but even though it hurts, she still needs to do it.

Once the letter is in her hand, she quickly brings her second hand to help in opening it. If she keeps it in her hand, she might lose heart and not read it. At first scan, the letter doesn't seem to say much, because the content is too short. She nearly closes her eyes to shut it all out, but one tear landing on the page and magnifying a single word, before evening out and being siphoned by the page, makes her momentarily take heart.

Swallowing a sizable lump down her throat, she takes the temporary strength as a weapon to start reading the words on paper.

 _My dearest daughter,_ it reads. _  
_

 _Chi-Chi, you have made me so proud. There's nothing I can say that can express my pride for you, but I want you to know that I was always proud of you._

 _I'm sorry for not telling you about my illness, but I didn't want you to worry. I saw how unhappy you were lately, and I didn't want to add on to that by telling you that I was ill. Forgive me, but it was for the best.  
_

 _Anyhow, I am gone now, and it is your duty to reign as queen over my people. They need a strong and dedicated woman like you to rule over them. I know I can trust you with this. There's no one more capable of this responsibility than you my dear. I've seen how you raised your family over the years and I know it hasn't been easy, but you made sure that they all were taken care of. Also, Willow will be there to guide you._

 _I can't make this a long letter, because I barely have strength. I only wanted you to know that you will be queen over Fire Mountain Kingdom from now on. I can't promise that it will be better than your current life, except, I do hope that you will find some form of happiness in it. I only want you to be happy Chi-Chi, so please try to be happy again. I know you can do it.  
_

 _I love you my dearest Chi-Chi, and know that I will watch over you every day._

 _Your Dad._

* * *

Chapter 6, **Finally The Truth.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6, **Finally The Truth.**

* * *

There he is! Goku spots his friend sitting cross-legged in the air, with his eyes closed and his aura deeply concentrated like it usually is when he's training his reflexes by meditating.

He's so glad that he correctly found Piccolo. If he'd been a little more careless, he would've gone straight to the Lookout instead of making it here to the mountains, where Piccolo actually is.

Really, he doesn't know what's wrong with him that he isn't fully concentrating all that much today. He'd been a second away from transmitting to the Lookout, because he didn't properly concentrate on Piccolo's energy.

Thankfully, though, he silently breathes out his relief, he's here now and the past would-be mistakes are behind him. There's no point in stressing himself out over things that already happened.

He's about to call for Piccolo, when he remembers that there's still an excitement in his body, to try out a little fight. Also, he wants to see how much Piccolo's meditation has helped him in perceiving the true identity of an opponent -if it has, that is.

It's a little bit of a cheap shot, especially after all these years, but Goku decides to use the split form technique. He's going to duplicate himself into four replicas, excluding the real him. Including the real person, that will make five Gokus in total, five Gokus that Piccolo has to deal with. His plan, is to trick Piccolo into attacking the wrong duplicate, that way, he'll get a little warm up while his friend plays with the wrong duplicates.

He's aware that tricking Piccolo won't be easy, so instead of levelling all of the duplicates' powers to match his real one, he significantly decreases one duplicate's power. The second one, he moderately decreases, to fall just above the first duplicate's level. His real power, he lowers just below that of the moderately low duplicate's, while he increases the third duplicate's power to something ridiculously high. The fourth and last duplicate's power, he keeps at his average Saiyan strength, the strength just before his Super Saiyan strength. Really, being a Super Saiyan is so effortless these days, that he doesn't even need to hyperly power up in order to turn into it.

Satisfied with himself, Goku makes himself and his duplicates surround Piccolo. This technique is sure to test his sensing and intelligence abilities. It'll prove just how resourceful Piccolo can be, and he can't wait to be a part of the live and actual discovery.

Not to waste more time, Goku charges all of his duplicates to go for Piccolo, and the fight is almost immediately over as soon as it begins, because Piccolo skilfully dives all of the duplicate's charges and heads straight for the real him. Just in the nick of time, does Goku realise what just happened, to actively block a punch that was going straight for the centre of his face.

'Wow!' he exclaims flying back from Piccolo. 'I thought you'd attack one of my decoys for sure.'

He's impressed by his friend's level of intelligence, because with this decoy technique, it's more about intelligence than it is about sensing power levels.

Smirking, Piccolo opens his eyes and crosses his arms to tell Goku that, 'Your decoys are flawless. I would've gone for one of them if your emotions weren't all over the place.'

Huh? Goku doesn't understand that. What is Piccolo talking about? Sure, he's a little hard to concentrate and keep himself in check, but he's been like that before and his enemies never caught him out because of it. Piccolo must be mistaking the unsatisfied excitement in his body for emotions.

'I guess you're right,' Goku chooses to say, but only because he will set it straight for Piccolo. 'Ever since I saw myself flashing in the mirror, I couldn't help it feel restless excitement inside me.'

'I'm not talking about your excitement, Goku,' Piccolo uncrosses his arms as though to emphasise his point.

'Well then, what are you talking about?' Goku wants to know.

He feels a previous frustration start within him. He really can't go through another round of unanswered questions and hints that are left as just hints. Piccolo should know better than to play like that with him, seeing as Piccolo's not as entertaining as he is.

'Let's fight,' suddenly Piccolo says, apparently choosing not to give importance to Goku's question.

To Goku, it seems out of the blue and so far strayed from his question, that he moves his hand behind his head to scratch. Did he miss something? While he was thinking, did he miss to hear Piccolo give him a reply? Because if that's the case, then he really needs to sit down with himself and get himself to get together.

'But...'

'I'll show you what I mean,' his friend confidently assures. 'Just fight with me and you'll see.'

Well, he does want to fight, and he is curious enough to find out what Piccolo means, so why not!

'Okay,' he happily agrees.

'Don't try to go easy on me,' Piccolo warns, roughly pulling his cape and turban and dropping them far below them.

No way, Goku thinks with a smile. He wants to go all out, so there's no chance of him holding back with Piccolo.

'Sure,' he happily complies, even knowing that he won't start off by giving his all.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

He initially went into the fight thinking that he wouldn't have to give his all, but he soon found out that fighting Piccolo would take more of his strength than he thought he'd have to use. It doesn't make sense to him, though, it's not as if he's not concentrating or it's not even that he's not into the fight. And yet, here he is tired, out of breath...

'Had enough yet?' Piccolo smugly asks, moving back and allowing Goku some space.

'You know what,' Goku says breathlessly, 'I think so. Can we take a break?'

It's quite unlike him to feel burned out during a training session. Something must be wrong with him, otherwise he wouldn't be anywhere near what he's like now.

'So, now do you see what I mean about your emotions?' his friend presents, looking unwilling to get into a further explanation.

Too bad for Piccolo that he doesn't want to get into a bigger explanation, Goku thinks, because he still doesn't see what's supposed to be clear. How can something that's supposedly clear, be so hard for him to get?

'No,' Goku truthfully replies. 'Just tell me.'

'You mean,' Piccolo asks like he's amazed, but not in the impressed way, 'you still don't see what I mean?'

What is it with everyone expecting him to know what is in their minds, when they don't want to say it in the first place? First, Chi-Chi won't-

Chi-Chi! A new line of thought suddenly springs up on him, and he's reminded of why he came to see Piccolo in the first place.

'Hey, Piccolo,' he starts as he flies closer to the other man. 'I just remembered that Chi-Chi told me that you could tell me why she left home.'

He's not embarrassed to mention that his wife left home, because for the most part he still _doesn't_ get what that means. Besides, he doesn't see that anyone will make a big deal of Chi-Chi leaving; they never made it a big deal when he left, so why should it be any different for Chi-Chi?

The frightened expression that Piccolo makes at his statement, is partly funny, but not quite as funny as his jumping back and then shouting at him, like his pants are on fire.

'HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHY YOUR WIFE LEFT HOME?!'

Goku understands that Piccolo doesn't like to be put in the middle of him and Chi-Chi, because it always makes him feel like he has to take a side to be on, but still Goku doesn't understand why he's reacting like that, as though Goku's the one who came up with the words. Also, if that's Piccolo's take on it, how is he supposed to find out what Chi-Chi told him to?

'But she said I should ask you,' he whines in defence. 'She said you know.'

'WELL, I DON'T!' Piccolo continues to shout, apparently flustered that he's being forced to know something that he doesn't.

He's known Piccolo for a lot of years, that's how he knows that he wouldn't lie about knowing something. It could very well be, that Chi-Chi put Piccolo in the same boat as him, and then she expected him to know exactly what it is that she wants, without letting him know.

'I understand what you mean,' Goku sympathises with his friend. 'Chi-Chi did the same thing to me, and I still don't get it. The truth is, she won't tell me what she means and it's frustrating.'

It's more than frustrating, if he's being completely honest with himself. It's making him tense inside and whenever he thinks about it, he feels likes the inside of his head will start to sweat. That's really how he feels, but he doesn't know how to put it into words, so he'll settle for calling it frustrating.

Making a move like he was accidently about to step on something, Piccolo narrows his eyes at him. It's a strange look on him.

'Wait,' Piccolo crosses his arms, 'you said she left home, didn't you?'

'Yeah?' What's he missing?

'So what's there not to understand?' his friend asks dryly, like he's bored. 'It's pretty straightforward to me, and I don't even _have_ a wife.'

How straightforward, Goku wonders with a deep frown, if it's so straightforward, how come he _doesn't_ get it?

'Then explain it to me?' he pleads, starting to feel anxious more than frustrated.

'What _really_ don't you understand?' Piccolo asks. 'If she left, it's because she doesn't want to be with you anymore.'

She didn't say those words exactly, Goku recalls, just something along those lines. Which technically doesn't count as the same thing, right?

'She kind of said that she's not going to be my wife anymore,' he discloses.

'Goku...' Piccolo tentatively starts, when he pauses for no seeming reason. 'What...?'

Piccolo's sure acting strange all of a sudden. Why didn't he say a full sentence like he's supposed to? And why is his friend looking at him like he has clumsy breakfast crumbs all over his face?

'What?' Goku questions.

'I don't know,' Piccolo replies deeply, 'maybe she wants to be another man's wife.'

'Another man's wife?' Goku splutters out.

Chi-Chi? _His_ Chi-Chi to be exact? Another man's wife? Like to cook for another man, and clean for him, and laugh with him, and fall into his arms? His head suddenly feels heavy, even worse than that time that Majin Buu caused him to literally butt heads with Vegeta. Does Piccolo mean that _another man_ is going to sleep with his face under Chi-Chi's armpits, smelling that wonderful scent of hers?

'I said maybe,' Piccolo seems to correct himself. 'I can only assume for sure that she's either tired of being with you, or she stopped loving you.'

He's wrong, Goku thinks with a stabbing heart. Piccolo's wrong. _He_ clearly heard Chi-Chi when she said that she didn't leave because she wanted to. And he _definitely_ remembers her saying that _she loves him a lot_. So that _can't_ be it, it has to be something else.

'Chi-Chi still loves me,' he hotly defends. 'She told me so herself.'

Unfazed, Piccolo shrugs. 'Well, I can't think of any other reason that Chi-Chi would just leave you after all these years. I mean, the woman has been washing your heavy boots and that weighted T-shirt of yours since only she knows when. Most Earthling women would've left you right after your second death, but she stuck with you even when you chose to stay away. Now think about that and tell me why you think _she_ left.'

Basically, he got this; if Chi-Chi had had a reason to leave him, it would've been cleaning his heavy clothing, but she didn't. She would've even left him because he died so many times, but she didn't. So, at the end of it all, he finally understands that Chi-Chi's leaving is permanent and because of something that he did. He definitely understands now that by leaving, Chi-Chi wants to cut him from her life.

'Are you saying that she left because of me?'

Even as he asks that, he mentally starts to deny that it's highly unlikely. Why would Chi-Chi leave because of him? She's always been vocal about the things that he did and she didn't agree with. He's sure that if he'd done something to upset her, she would've let him know. Except...

'Goku, how did you remain married to that woman for so long, when you clearly don't know much about what she wants?'

 _Because we don't want the same things_ , he recalls Chi-Chi saying. Does he really not know what his own wife wants, has wanted all these years from him?

'Huh?' Goku is confused. Did Chi-Chi tell Piccolo what she wants, because then how does he know what she wants?

'The last time that you left, when you flew off with Uub, you just made an impulsive decision right there on the spot, and then you just left,' his friend tells him. 'Bulma commented that you'd have to grow up one day and realise that there's more to life than fighting, and I said-'

'You said what?' he hungrily asks. He has to know.

Apparently coming to a realisation, Piccolo lowers his voice to answer, 'The very thing that might be responsible for your wife leaving after all.'

What? His own friend is responsible for Chi-Chi leaving him? How could Piccolo do that to him?

'What did you say to her?'

'It wasn't to her, exactly,' Piccolo replies, 'but I did say that you were happier than you've been in a long time.'

And, Goku silently mulls, what's the connection that he doesn't see? He doesn't voice it to Piccolo, though, but it still seems that his friend reads his face, because he goes on with what he means.

'If I'm right, she's kept it with her all these months, and I think that _she_ believes that you haven't been happy through all that peaceful time with her after Majin Buu.'

What made her think that? He was by her side all the time, hardly seeing his friends during that time, so how can she think that he wasn't happy with her? He's always been happy with her!

'I think I understand why your emotions are giving you away now,' his friend observes in a concluding tone.

Forget his emotions. He's more interested in what he did that pushed Chi-Chi away from him, to the point where she doesn't even want to be around him anymore. Man, where did he go wrong? How did he go wrong? And why does it all this make him feel like this? He's speechless because of it.

While he wallows in himself, he neglects to see his youngest son fly over to them, only hearing him when he's a breath away from his face.

'Dad!' Goten cries, his face looking too anguished. 'Come quick,' he urgently says to Goku. 'It's Mom.'

Judging from the intensity of Goten's cry, it can only mean that whatever is wrong with Chi-Chi, is bad, really bad. He straightens himself on alert to hear what his son has to say.

'What happened to her?' he instantly wants to know, ready to transmit to her side the second that Goten gets it out.

'We-told-her-that-Grandpa-died-and-she-just-fainted,' his son narrates in a rushed breath. 'We-kept-waiting-for-her-to-wake-up-but-she-never-did-so-Gohan-took-her-to-the-hospital.'

'The Ox King died?' Piccolo asks for clarity.

Oh no, Goku's heart drops, his poor Chi-Chi. If her father's dead and she just found out about it, he can imagine how heavy that must weigh on her all at once. Chi-Chi loves her father so much and she depends on his company so much, that she must probably feel all alone in the world now that he's gone.

'Yeah,' Goten vigorously nods, tears shining his eyes, 'and Mom didn't take it well. I'm scared, Dad. What if she never wakes up?'

'She will,' Goku assures his son. 'Just calm down, Goten. Go with Piccolo to see how she's doing. I'll be there soon.'

He feels bad, in fact, he feels for his wife, feeling as she must be feeling, but he better than anyone else knows that feeling bad, will not solve the problem. To help his wife through this, there's only one thing that he can do, and he's going to get on it right away.

'Why? Where are _you_ going?'

'I'm going to get Bulma's dragon radar, and then I'll go find the dragon balls,' he explains, setting his face straight from showing all and any emotion. 'Everything will be all right, Son. Just go and watch over your mom for me, okay? I'm trusting you and Gohan to do that for me.'

'But Dad...' Goten starts to protest, sounding ready to cry.

'I'll be there soon,' he promises his youngest son. 'Go now.'

'Come on, Goten,' Piccolo steers the young boy, 'Let's get going.'

Watching the two begin to fly off, he thinks to himself that he'll wait until they're out of sight to go to Bulma's. For now, for the little time that they're flying to be completely out of his sight, he'll take a minute. He just needs a minute.

* * *

Chapter 7, **Gift Of Life.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7, **Gift Of Life.**

* * *

Her eyes have been open for a while now, but thankfully, neither of her sons noticed. Both Gohan and Goten have been sitting on the same side of the bed, looking in the direction of the door in silence as though they are expecting a miracle to come bursting in through it.

She's glad that none of her sons saw her coming to consciousness, because she needed a moment to herself first. She didn't want them to fuss over her and ask her over, and over if she's okay or if she needs anything, so she silently remained as she had been, to gather her thoughts and figure some things out. Especially concerning her future, amongst remembering what happened and where she is.

But she's had enough time to herself now, Chi-Chi thinks as she moves to sit up in bed, it's time that she lets her sons know that she's awake. At the same time that she chooses to sit up, the door gently opens and Piccolo -Piccolo of _all_ people- comes into the room. She doesn't know how long she's been passed out for, but she's sure that Gohan must've at least found a way to tell Goku the news, so in the back of her mind, when the door opened, she only expected Goku to be the one to enter the room. Because honestly, who _else_ would drop everything just to see her?

But evidently, (and this fact makes her heart twist sombrely for an unknown reason) Piccolo _did_ drop everything to be here.

As he quietly closes the door behind him, he makes direct eye contact with her for a brief second before looking away to the two boys. She appreciates what he did there; she appreciates how he didn't announce her being awake by keeping his eyes on her long enough to alert the boys. She really appreciates that he's allowing her the right to announce her consciousness to her sons. One day, she makes a mental note, she'll have to verbally tell him that she appreciates him as a living being, and that she _especially_ admires him for being an important part of their family through Gohan. That day, though, she thinks through a sigh, is not today, because today is...

'Gohan, Goten,' Piccolo starts, and secretly fleets his eyes to her for a fraction, to include her in the conversation, 'Goku's here.'

Briefly forgetting her own feelings on the fact that Goku has finally arrived, Chi-Chi watches as both of her sons jump out of their seats to meet Piccolo at the announcement. It's clear to her that her sons have been waiting for their father to get here all along, and it's only then, that she remembers to feel concerning Goku's arrival.

One specific part of her, isn't surprised that Goku's only making it now, because he has the record for _always_ being late, but another part of her, wishes that for just this _once_ , he wouldn't have been late to come and see her.

'Where is he?' Goten asks, sounding frantic, as though he can't wait any longer.

'He's here,' Piccolo answers, distracting Chi-Chi away from her thoughts to think that it's typical of him to answer that.

'Where?' Goten impatiently whines, sounding a lot like his father.

Slowly, Piccolo lifts a finger to point towards her on the bed. Confused, she stares hard at him, silently asking him to explain what it is he thinks he's doing, when Goten happily shrieks, 'Mom! You're awake!'

She barely has time to realise that Goten and Gohan followed Piccolo's finger with their eyes, when Gohan lets out his own excited exclamation, 'Dad!'

The word, 'Dad' nearly gives her a heart attack, making her quickly turn to the other side of her bed to see Goku right beside her bed, thanks to his instant transmission thing. She sees him standing outside the glass of the window of the room, but still her heart doesn't stop its frantic rush. It may take a while yet for it to return to normal, especially now that Goku's here.

While Goten rushes to her side, to awkwardly throw his arms around her, she sees Gohan rush to the window and press his palms flat against the glass.

'Mom, you scared me,' Goten tells her, trying to adjust his arms around her. 'I thought you wouldn't wake up.'

'It's okay, Goten,' she soothes her son, keeping her eyes on Goku outside the window. 'I'm awake now.'

Like a child refusing to believe that their parent will come back for them at the end of the first day of kindergarten, Goten holds onto her much tighter than before.

'Don't ever leave me, Mom,' he hoarsely requests.

Her poor baby, Chi-Chi feels her heart sink for her son as she turns to him and wraps her arms around him for comfort. She really has no answer to his request, because she isn't in control of time and what happens around it. She would love nothing more than to make that simple promise to her son, but when she remembers how her father _just_ died, real life hits hard, and she finds herself turning to the side where Gohan and his father are to avoid giving him an answer.

'Goten...' is the only thing that she manages to say, because anything else will be a false promise, or even a lie.

It isn't fair that her son's feeling _this_ terrible all because of her. All of her married life, she's done her best to never intentionally make anyone in her family feel any sorrow because of her. She's never wanted any of her three boys and her father to bear the burden that she _constantly_ bore. Having been a constant victim of sadness and anguish, because of their dangerous adventures, she never wanted any of her family members to go through it. That's mainly the reason that she didn't tell Goten about her decision to separate from Goku, but apparently, real life always has a plan to mess one's plans up.

It's just as well that Gohan's voice breaks through the thick air between them, because she doesn't know how she would've properly appeased her son to the right comfort.

'Dad,' Gohan starts, 'what are you doing outside? Come inside.'

Not even a second after Gohan tells him that, Goku appears in the room. To be precise, he appears right on the side where Goten is, probably because it's closer to where _she_ is compared to the other side. Her first most basic instinct when her eyes meet with his a breath away from her, is to collapse into his arms and finally succumb to all the unexpressed emotions inside. The instinct is as primal, as if it has been there since the day she was born and _that_ necessary for life.

She doesn't launch forwards into his arms, but she does loosen her arms around Goten to gently ease him out of their embrace. While she does briefly consider that she shouldn't push her son away, she can't ignore that _she_ wants comfort too, and that she wants it from Goku. She may very well not be entitled to wanting comfort from the man that she left, but what can she do? He's been her husband all her life, she's found comfort in his arms before, and maybe it's a crime, but she wants comfort from those same arms right now.

'Dad,' Goten wipes at his face, turning to face his father, 'you came.'

'I said I would,' Goku calmly replies, keeping his eyes on her. 'Chi-Chi,' he speaks to her, 'are you all right?'

Even though she feels far from all right, she nods that she is. If Goku remembers that about her, he should know that she only really wants a moment for the two of them. After all, since Piccolo walked in, she's been hoping that he would soon follow.

'Goten, Gohan,' he looks at Gohan after tearing his eyes away from her, 'I want to talk to your mom for a minute. Can you wait outside?'

Bless him, she thinks thankfully, bless him for knowing her.

'But, Dad...' Goten tries to protest, except fortunately, Gohan, in his mature thinking, comes around to him and begins to steer him away from the bed.

'Come on, Goten,' he says to his brother, 'it'll only be for a second.'

'I want to stay here,' Goten refuses, desperately looking at his mother to agree with him.

'Go with your brother, Goten,' she weakly attempts, knowing that it might not work. 'See if you can get me something to eat.'

'Mom,' Goten cries, 'I'm not a child. I know you _really_ just want me gone.'

Despite herself, she smiles softly. Of course she knows that he's smart enough to figure it out, but what did he expect her to say to him? He already refused to listen to his father, what was to say that he would listen to her? Especially if she takes into account the way he held onto her.

'So will you go?' she asks anyway, touching a gentle hand to his arm, 'I really _do_ want to eat.'

Goten reluctantly nods and she can tell by the way that he pulls his face, that it's taking all the effort to say it, but he finally gives in. 'Okay.'

Both she and Goku follow their sons being ushered out by Piccolo, with their eyes until the door closes behind all three of them. Almost immediately when the door closes, Goku sits on the bed, minding not to sit on any part of her, while she straightens herself in bed.

Only as he fiddles with the front of a bag in his hands, does she see the bag for the first time since he appeared. She's sure that he had it all this time, only, she apparently didn't focus enough to see it in his hands. She wonders what it's for; it's not like him to carry a bag.

'Here,' he thrusts the bag her way.

Although she looks at the bag carefully, she doesn't take it like he's suggesting that she does. For one thing, she's only committing it to her mind now, and for another, she doesn't know why he's handing her a _bag_ of all things. She doesn't want a bag from him! What is she supposed to do with a bag?

Seeing her hesitation, Goku begins to tell her, 'It's the dragon balls. I found them for you, so you can wish your father back to life.'

Noting the pleased optimism in his tone, Chi-Chi separates a second to commend his sweet and genuine gesture, but she only takes a second, because right after that, she pushes the bag away from her and physically slides her back against the bed, to lie back on the pillows. She feels _so_ disappointed; she feels so hollowly disappointed and oddly incomplete, that she cannot keep her seat.

'Chi-Chi, what's wrong?' Goku wants to know. 'Did I say something wrong?'

She then feels his hand on her stomach, following it with the question, 'You're hungry, aren't you? I'll find you something to eat. I'll be right back, Chi-Chi,' he tells her with a promise while he rises from the bed.

Until she feels tears forcefully squeeze out of her eyes as she presses her eyelids together, she wasn't even aware that tears had gathered in her eyes. Even as her tears slide down her cheeks, she urgently and blindly finds his hand with her own before he can fully get up from the bed.

'Goku...' she calls for him to settle back down.

His innocence and way of reasoning, have always been things that she found endearing and instrumental in interacting with him, but _not_ now. Now, she can't feel any other way, but disappointed.

'I'm not hungry,' she tells him, refusing to open her eyes. 'I'm disappointed. And before you ask any questions, I just want you to know that it's your attitude that I'm disappointed with.'

After that, she lets go of his hand, but still doesn't doesn't open her eyes. She feels him settle back down on the bed, only, all of a sudden, she feels tired. It could be from the incompletion that she feels, she only knows that she doesn't want him to ask her question after question, so she will have to tell him what she means. If she doesn't his endless questions will wear her out even more.

'I appreciate that you thought to gather the dragon balls for me,' she begins, 'but that's not what I expected. I know you mean well, but I can't use that wish.'

To emphasise that she has no intention to take his gift, she turns her back on his side, to curl herself together where he won't be able to see her face. She'll admit that it's precious of him to think of her so much, that he didn't hesitate in going all around the world to find her the dragon balls, but in all honesty, she didn't expect _that_ to be his first reaction.

As her husband -disregarding their separation- he should've simply wanted to _be_ with her, to be _there_ for her. Her father was always there with her when Goku died, which is how she's come to rely on the presence of someone after a loss. Another person's presence, is what she needs more than the dragon balls.

'Then I'll use it for you,' he heartily reasons, ' _I'll_ wish your father back to life for you.'

Again, she appreciates that he's willing to do that for her, but the fact of the matter is that she can't have her father wished back to life.

'Don't do that,' she begs, swallowing down hard. 'I don't want you to do that.'

Would she like that her father wasn't dead? Yes. Would she like to have him back with her again? Yes. But...

Goku's hand comes to gently rest on her shoulder. 'But, Chi-Chi...'

'Goku,' comes out of her mouth in a whisper, 'you live in a world where dragon balls fix everything. I'm not holding that against you, but that's not the world I live in, not anymore.'

For all her adult life, despite her ceaseless worrying and the heart stopping fears that she's felt, it has always been that finding the dragon balls would fix the physical damage that happened. Although the physical losses and damages were always repaired, the ordeals always left her with invisible internal scars. But in the past ten years, the dragon balls never even once came up, and she learnt to dispel the need to use them.

'Now, I live in a world where I want you to comfort me when I cry, and stand by my side, holding my hand when they bury my father,' she express aloud for the first time. 'If I thought reviving my father would fix me, I would do it, but I _know_ it won't. I would've liked that you just sat with me, and allowed me to express my sorrow at my loss. I _don't_ want your dragon balls.'

She wants him.

It's completely silent for a little while after that, so much so, that she thinks that she's stunned him by turning down his quick fix. But then, just as she's thinking to turn and lift her face to see him, the most amazing thing happens. Immediately, she feels the bed shift with weight and then she feels herself being scooped up and turned the other way. It takes around a second for her to realise that Goku is in bed with her, with his arms around her.

What in the world is he doing?

Slowly, she opens her eyes to find Goku's eyes sparkling with the gentlest of compassion she's ever seen them have. As she's looking into his eyes, a powerful surge shoots through her, egging her to release the thing that's been holding back her real tears. While she did cry one or two times, it was due to frustration with her inconsistent feelings, not due to natural pit of maimed feelings. The things that she should've cried for, like leaving her husband and losing her father in the span of two days, she didn't allow herself to cry for. She strictly commanded herself to be the strong woman that she's always been.

'I didn't cry,' she confesses through a choke to him. 'Not for losing you. Not for myself. Not for losing my father, and now I feel like I'm going to explode, because all I want to do is cry in your arms.'

It might just be the freshness of her father's death, or it may be that she feels weaker in Goku's presence, all she knows is that she has this urgent need to cry when his arms are around her like this. The security of being held by him, makes her feel like a stranger to herself, because she almost doesn't recognise _this_ part of herself. The part of herself that desperately needs him to _this_ point. The part of herself that isn't as strong as she likes to believe it is, because his arms around her are breaking through the thickness of her strength, to reduce her to this frail woman.

Because she feels weak in his presence, she closes her eyes to stop seeing his compassion for her, since it's only making it worse. Goku, apparently, for his part of a response, silently tucks her into him exactly like he did on the night before the Cell Games. He folds both of her legs between his, tightens his arms around her back and nudges her head to lean on his shoulder.

'Cry,' he simply tells her.

Without a warning, a sob chokes out of her at the verbally given permission, but she still tries to hold back the tears.

'It's okay, Chi-Chi,' he whispers near her ear, showing her that he knows that she's holding back. 'Just cry. Cry as much as you need to, because I can't comfort you if you don't cry.'

That does it for her. A second sob painfully breaks from her mouth, and she forms a frustrated fist to tightly clench the fabric of his shirt inside her palm. How dare he understand her and clearly desire nothing more than to be here for her through this! How dare he! Nonetheless, she willingly moves her head onto his chest to freely cry.

* * *

Chapter 8, **Home To Stay.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8, **Home To Stay.**

* * *

This is the first time in five days that he's seen her _willingly_ climb into their bed and fall sleep before him. All the other nights, no matter how hard he tried to beat her to being the last to go to bed, he never managed to do it. Today, however, after spending more than half the morning at the castle after they finally buried her father, she easily slipped into bed for sleep as soon as they entered their bedroom.

At the castle, when she turned to him and told him that she was going home, and he offered to come with her for the simple reason that he had yet to be physically away from her. Ever since the day at the hospital, he has made it his purpose in life to be there for her, like she needs him to be. Although he has not once left her side since that day, neither has he considered the idea of even leaving her side, he still feels like he _didn't_ do enough in being there for her; the feeling is especially bombarding him now that he's watching over her while she sleeps.

It's been three hours since they returned home, and he still can't tear himself away from her side. It's that in all the time that he's known Chi-Chi, (including when she was a child) he never saw her so _dependant_ before. Of course, throughout the past few days, she remained capable, but he noticed right away that something in her essence was just crumbled during the last few days. If he can, he'll have to say that her resolve, the source of a collection of the deepest things that make up her core essence, diminished so rapidly that she really needed him as her crutch.

Has she always had _this_ part of her, or did her father's death make her into this, because he never saw this side of her. It's not that he finds it problematic or even bothersome, instead, it's just... Well, with all the talk of her leaving him and not being his wife anymore, he can't help it wonder if maybe, life with him _hasn't_ always been as great as he thought it to be on _his_ end. Maybe she's always been dependant on him, but he never noticed, because he was not always here with her.

To examine her face for possible answers, he leans forward to her on the bed.

'Is that it, Chi-Chi?' he asks her even knowing that she won't give him an answer. 'Have you always been dependant on me?'

He can't imagine that she's been dependant on him throughout all of their marriage. If anything, he's _rather_ the one that depended on her to be the person that he is today. In all honesty, if it wasn't for the way Chi-Chi's presence and love tamed him to be, he would surely be a fully fledged Saiyan, who only cared about fighting and nothing else. But because of her, he's someone _different_ , and in that sense, he can't imagine that she's always been dependant on him, because really, what could _she_ possibly draw from him to be as courageous and enduring as she is?

'I know that you can't hear me,' he says to her, 'but I can't believe that you've always been dependant on me. I just can't believe it,' he stresses with as much disbelief as he feels, 'not when you've always been so strong and loving.'

In his head, it doesn't make sense for Chi-Chi to be dependant on him, but when he takes the prior days into consideration, the days before Ox King died, a part of his mind can actually see it as being true to a _degree_. When he remembers how she left him with the saying that she wouldn't be his wife anymore, and especially the talk he had with Piccolo, the idea of Chi-Chi being dependant on him, isn't as unbelievable as he initially thought it was. But, at least, _all_ that is in the past now and Chi-Chi is back home with him. She's been back home with him for the past few days, and he just knows that she's here to stay.

Faintly smiling, he reaches his hand to stroke her cheek as his silent promise to her, that he'll pay better attention to her from now on. He _won't_ let her leave home again.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

Goku opens his eyes due to a small passing wind-like swooshing noise. He testingly lifts his head off the back of the chair to find that Chi-Chi's gone from the bed. The sight of a primly made up bed, has him hastily sitting up in the chair to better take the reality in.

The last thing that he remembers, is loosening the tie around his neck as he leaned back in the chair to keep a careful watch on his wife, lest she needed him in her sleep. He doesn't remember feeling drowsy or sleepy in any sense, but apparently he fell fast asleep. It was careless of him to do that, because who knows if he missed to be there for his wife when she needed him.

Triggered by the last thought, he quickly springs out of the chair, simultaneously calling for his wife in a somewhat frantic tone, due to the concern of her possibly needing him, her crutch.

'Chi-Chi?'

'I'm here, Goku,' instantly comes her softly soothing reply.

It's like she looked inside his head and saw how worried he is, for her to answer him in that appeasing way. Even though he can't see her yet, he instantly accepts that she's all right, consequently ridding himself of all the worry within him.

Feeling pacified, he turns around to find her and while his eyes immediately land on her at the closet, he can't stop himself from pulling a perplexed frown, because Chi-Chi's busy pulling clothes out of the closet and throwing them onto the floor.

'What time is it?' he asks.

He's asking, because he can't easily agree with what his head has come up with as the reason for her throwing clothes onto the floor.

'Probably seven in the evening,' she replies without looking back at him.

Aha, he thinks, that's what he thought. He wasn't sure at first when he came to, but soon after he adjusted his eyes and took his bearings in, he realised that the light in the room is from electricity, which he took to mean that it was night-time. Now that she's confirmed it, he's even more confused than before.

'So then why are you going to do laundry?' he wants to know.

Although he consciously knows that she does laundry with the clothes from the basket, not the closet, no other reason besides laundry can explain to him she's going to do laundry is the only explanation for her pulling clothes from the closet.

Chi-Chi turns around then and quietly looks at him for a second, before telling him, 'I'm not going to do laundry, I'm packing my clothes. There's my suitcase,' she points to where her clothes are on the floor.

His eyes follow her finger and to his surprise, a suitcase he didn't see before, suddenly becomes visible to his eyes. Had it been some days ago, he would've thought nothing of it and continued to dance around the issue in a carefree manner, but he has since changed the way he interprets the information presented to him.

No, no, no, no, no, he internally starts to panic, his eyes darting from the suitcase, to the haphazardly thrown down clothes beside it, and then to her face.

No, no, no, no. I can't be, he thinks, the panic in him rising to a near extreme level, so much so that he almost forgets to breathe. He doesn't even need to ask her if she means what she said, because the truth is _written_ all over her face.

'You still want to leave, Chi-Chi?' he cries incredulously, taking three chunks of steps to be closer to her.

Where did he go wrong, he starts to desperately question himself? Where did he give her nothing, when she silently asked him for a lot? Where did he disappoint her that she _still_ wants to leave?

All right, he accepts that he feels like he didn't do enough for her, but he _tried_ ; he really did. He dedicated himself to selflessly be who she distinctly needed him to be for her, and more than that, he kept himself from using the dragon balls to bring her father back all through her mourning, even though it was painful to see her in pain so deep, that it wouldn't show on the outside. She can't imagine how many times he fingered the balls, just wishing he could use them to take her pain away.

'You make it sound like we came to an agreement that I wouldn't leave, but we didn't,' she answers him calmly.

The expression that she has on, though, he observes, is _only_ a word short of heartbreaking for him, because she looks more than solidified in her decision to still leave. Just like he previously understand what she meant by saying that she was leaving, he can't reconcile with the fact that she _still_ wants to leave.

'But...' he begins, only to trail off in order to wet his suddenly dry throat.

More than his throat feels arid, it feels like his heart is beating in a rhythm to contend with her conviction. This new rhythm that's its creating, is not like anything he's ever heard it sound out, not even when he thought all hope for the earth was lost during his fight with Majin Buu. It's like this new rhythm is sure that it will win over her conviction to leave, but she only looks at him questioningly, unaware of what his heart is going through.

'But what?' she asks, her voice as calm as before.

'After everything that happened,' he gives her, almost every muscle in his body pulling as he says each word, 'you still want to leave?'

Chi-Chi must not understand! She must not understand that the thought of her leaving, literally places him in pain that he _doesn't_ want to bear. There are pains that one ought to bravely bear, but being left by one's wife, is _not_ one of them.

'You want to leave when I finally know why you wanted to leave?' he begs as though he is begging for a last chance at life.

'That you now know, doesn't change the fact that I'm leaving,' she softly informs him. 'Even the fact that you've been here all this time, doesn't alter my decision. I'm sorry, Goku, I'm still leaving. We already went through this, and I gave you my reasons. I'm not going to go through them again.'

But... he thinks, blinking one time after another to... to somehow clear his sight and then maybe wake up from this nightmare. She _can't_ leave, he continues to think while looking at her passive face, which is giving nothing away. He was so sure that she finally came back, only to hear her say that she's still leaving? No!

'Damn it, Chi-Chi!' he exclaims his probably third of ever used harsh expletive, through gritted teeth, 'Why didn't you leave when I was killed the first time? Why didn't you leave when I was on Yadrat?' he pleads for her answer.

He wants to know why she didn't leave when he _willingly_ stayed away from home, because _then_ it would've been understandable. Now on the other hand, there's nothing to be understood in her leaving. He's back home now, and that should be the start of being enough to make her stay.

'Because I still had Gohan to look after and I _knew_ you were coming back,' she cries, expressing a reaction for the first time since they started talking.

Seeing her reaction, it occurs to him, that apparently, even when he didn't know it, she's always been the one that played the strings of his heart. This moment right here, is the avid proof, because what else would explain the way her reaction is acting as a bow to his violin of a heart? He forgets his own feelings on her leaving, and rather places himself in her shoes to see how she means it.

She couldn't have left then, because she'd had a responsibility over Gohan and even more, _he_ said he would come back, and that's exactly what makes his heartstrings start to itch with a sour pain. Chi-Chi must've suffered so much living in hope for his return, day after day and year after year. Although he can't change what happened in the past, -and he won't even try to start making up for it, because it won't undo the damage- he can change the present. He's here now and he won't let her slip away from him.

Stepping into her, he tries to bargain, 'I'm here now, Chi-Chi.'

He takes another step to be that much closer to her, in the hope that she notices the desperation for an answer in his eyes.

'I can't stay,' she whispers, closing her eyes as though the very sentence hurts to say and closing her eyes is the only way to alleviate the effect.

At first, he doesn't speak. As her words resound in his head, his own feelings return to him and then he suddenly doesn't know what to physically do with himself. He takes a step back from her, only to step back to her. He doesn't know what to do, so he runs both of his hands through his hair and then puffs up his cheeks and exhales through his mouth to deflate them.

'I don't want you to leave, Chi-Chi,' he finally utters in a quiet tone.

'But you're _not_ asking me to stay,' she softly sobs out with intense emotion, immediately snapping her eyes open.

When he sees that there are tears in her eyes, he starts to feel an odd burning sensation build up from the base of his throat, spreading all the way up to gather as in his own eyes and leaving him unable to respond.

'You're so concentrated on pointing out that I still want to leave, that you're not saying the thing that you need to say,' she explains it to him, her voice shaking.

He sees her point, he even understands the need that she has for him to ask her to stay, but his argument is clear proof that he's begging her to _please_ stay. He _could_ ask her to stay, but that would be making himself vulnerable in front of her. If he makes himself completely vulnerable in front of her, he'll only gain her sympathy, and when she stays, it'll be because of that. He doesn't want her to stay for sympathy's, so he can't _ask_ her to stay.

'I don't want you to leave,' he repeats, keeping his eyes fixed on hers.

It's essentially asking the same thing, right? He thinks it is, when her face tears up in all tones of hurt and she turns her back on him before the tears in her eyes fall for him to see.

'Anyway,' she says with her back turned, 'if I stay, one day, it can be tomorrow or two weeks from now, or even six years, one day you'll decide to leave again.'

He can almost hear the tears fall down her cheeks, and for all that's sacred to him, he wishes that she wasn't crying, but it's her words that do the real damage. So, he concludes, it's not even really that she wants him to ask her to stay, it's that she really doesn't believe in him staying until the end.

'I'm right here, Chi-Chi,' he tries to assure her. 'I want to be here.'

'It's not enough that you want to be here,' she tells him, 'because I can't count on you to stay.'

'It took me days to get here,' he explains in a tone that sounds like he is closer to death with each syllable, 'but I thought…' he shrugs, 'if I got here, it was better than not getting here at all, right?'

Before, he didn't understand that he didn't perform his husband duties as he should've, but after he spoke to Piccolo and the observed his wife in the wake of her father's death, he grasped what he needed to grasp, in order to get to this place of understanding. He really believed that understanding what he didn't, would make a difference to her and that she would choose to stay after all.

Chi-Chi turns to face him then, almost immediately beginning to speak.

'I understand why you would think that, but no, it doesn't make a difference. Much less now that I have the responsibility to rule over a village of people. I love taking care of people, Goku, you know that. But with Gohan married and Goten all grown up, I have no one to fuss over, only the emptiness of a house, because you are gone. You may be here now, but you _will_ leave one day and that will crush my heart to death.'

For no apparent reason, all of a sudden, he starts to feel physically strange. What is wrong with him, he wonders, why does he suddenly feel strange?

He feels really strange. On the one hand, he feels passionate to fury (or is it denial) at her insistence to leave and yet, at the same time, he wants to break down and cry for the inevitable loss. It doesn't make sense; it's like two different versions of him are battling wildly, each aiming for the golden prize of ruler.

That's when it hits him that he _is_ battling with himself.

It seems, that the usual Goku that he is, wants to break into a cry for losing his wife, while a deeply buried version of Goku, is apparently unearthing from within, to deal with this situation as he _should_.

The thing is, where ordinary Goku and Super Saiyans one through three Goku, are easily prone to compassion and accepting things and even losses. Super Saiyan four Goku, however, is almost whole heartedly animalistic. _That_ Goku, doesn't easily listen to excuses. _That_ Goku, isn't easily tameable, and mostly, _that_ Goku doesn't make way or allow for possible defeat; he either wins or he wins, because his feral pride, cannot accept anything else.

 _That_ Goku, he realises, is the one responsible for the strangeness within him.

As he feels the beginnings of his transformation bubble inside, he finally understands that while the base Goku that he usually is, would've easily allowed Chi-Chi to leave, deep inside him, deep inside his heart, he knew that he couldn't afford to lose his wife for anything, so his brutal side made itself manifest, to do what his base self isn't capable of doing.

He doesn't get to see her reaction while he transforms and his tail violently pokes a hole through his suit trousers, but his first thought when he sets his eyes on her in the new transformation, is that she has no faith in him for her at all. Does she really think that he's giving up just like that, he wonders with a smirk as he looks at her dead in the eyes. Does she really think that he will let her leave after everything he learned of what she wants from him? If that's what she thinks, then she's got another thing coming.

To begin, he quickly moves to stand behind her, carefully wraps his tail around her front as he presses his front into her back, and then brings his lips to her ear to gruffly tell her, 'I _won't_ let you go, Chi-Chi.'

He doesn't have a clear plan of what he will do to keep her from leaving, but at least he's sure that in this form, he won't accept to see her walk out of here. While he won't physically do anything to stop her, he can trust this form to be effective in shutting her leaving game down.

'You have to,' she replies, pulling in a sharp breath.

'I don't have to do anything that I don't want to. You're my wife,' he roughly says, and then wraps his arms around her front to pull her closer into him, 'I need you here with me.'

'You only need me now,' she opposes, softly wrapping her hands around his tail, 'but it won't always be like this. I know better now, Goku, so let me go.'

Her hands try to pry his tail off her, but he tightens it to ensure that she doesn't achieve getting his tail away from her. He softly chuckles to let her know that he won't let her go. If she doesn't think that he's serious, he'll prove it to her. If it means sitting with his back blocking the door, then that's what he'll do. But for now, he manoeuvres speedily to back her against the wall next to the door. She has to look into his eyes when he tells her from the core of his soul, that if it kills him, he won't let her go, because that'll mean losing her.

Once he backs her against the wall, however, he notices that panic has settled itself all over her body, starting from her eyes. Without a warning, it changes everything for him, making him promptly release her and take a step back from her to ask, 'Are you scared of me, Chi-Chi?'

He doesn't even realise that he just significantly powered down to his base form, or that the broken feelings of his base form are now the ones at play in him, because he only wants to hear that she's not afraid of him. She must know that he would never hurt her, not even in his somewhat primaeval Super Saiyan four form.

To answer him, she crosses the distance between them and then only shakes her head. Reaching him, she brings her hands to either side of his, to start caressing the skin under his eyes with her thumbs. Although Goku does welcome the contact as a positive response to him being in his Super Saiyan four form, he still uses his hands to hold onto either wrist of her. Touch, the feeling of being touched, is one of the things that he loves most in the world. He wants her hands to stay right there, under his eyes and continue caressing the skin, to make him feel emotionally connected to her.

Pushed by his need to feel connected to her, he gently pulls her into his arms, pressing her flush against him to both embrace her for giving him this chance and because he wants to feel close to her again. It was such a long time ago that he was close to her that it feels like he's forgotten how it feels like. Fortunately, even though Chi-Chi lets go of his face, she readily melts into him.

'I don't know what will happen to me if you go,' he admits in a whisper, trying his last weapon with his lips pressed on her shoulder.

His mind has already imagined the worst that could happen to him if she leaves him by himself. Also, he's experienced how it's like, to not have her security, he just knows that if she leaves him, nothing he does, will interest him like it used to.

'It's okay,' she soothes in a whisper, 'I'm here now. Isn't that what matters?'

No, he mentally refuses to accept, he would rather hear her say that she'll stay, because those words coming from her, make him feel like she's deflecting so as not to lie to him.

'I love you, Chi-Chi,' he breathes to her, choosing to bare himself completely vulnerable for her to see. 'Please stay. Stay with me.'

He feels her nod and then she winds her arms around his neck. His heart uncontrollably swells with relief, while he puts his forehead to hers, but then his heart reminds him that he needs verbal assurance.

'No,' he declines, 'I need to hear you say it.'

Slightly pulling her her forehead back, she says, 'Feel it instead,' immediately pushing her lips to capture his.

The act, is so sudden, that he's easily sucked into without protest. Within two seconds of her lips touching his, he gets lost in the alluring touch of her hands on the back of his neck, and forgets to ask her if she'll really stay. He gets lost in the delicate way she presses into him. He gets lost in her soft contact and the small vibrations of her trembling. He gets lost in the sensual way that her mouth is massaging his, and he almost completely gets lost in the thick air of desire, when it hits him that something's _not_ right.

Chi-Chi tactfully deflected his plea to stay, and then suddenly they are here, sharing a deep kiss that tastes of deep sorrow? No, something's not right! Whatever else he doesn't know when it comes to being her husband, he instinctively knows how to draw conclusions of her emotions through her kisses. He will never be able to explain it to anyone, because he doesn't understand it himself, but that's the way it is. Her body clearly wants what it wants, there's no denying that, but her emotions, are not in accordance with her body's wants.

To be sure of the fact, he suddenly pulls back to look into her eyes and his heart sinks heavily. In the mirrors that her eyes, he sees the sadness that he tasted in their kiss. As clear as glass, he sees gloominess within her eyes, letting him know that he was almost tricked! He was almost fooled right to his core! It becomes clear to him that Chi-Chi wasn't ever going to stay.

After staring at her for a second, he evenly proposes, 'Fight with me.'

For a second, Chi-Chi looks at him, completely confused by his proposal, and then, 'What?' she wonders in a confused tone.

 _She_ may not know what he's up to, but he knows all too well what she'd been planning to do. Surely, if and when they do join tonight, he'll fall as deeply asleep as he usually does, and when he wakes up in the morning, she'll be long gone. He realises that now and while he can't entirely blame her for choosing a deceptive route to make her escape, it still hurts a little. Especially when he thinks of how heartbroken he would've been when he woke up the next morning, to an empty house. His Saiyan body is incredibly strong, but the same can't be said for his heart.

'I want you to fight with me,' he tells her, meaning every word.

'Goku,' she says, taking in how serious he is, 'I can't fight with you.'

He likes that she can tell when he's being serious, because it saves him the trouble of trying to convince her that he is. Except, it's important that he explains it to her what he means to achieve by proposing a fight with her.

'I can't make you stay,' he admits. 'I know that if you want to leave, you will, but I'm not giving up without a fight.' He's determined to fight for her to stay.

When he remembers how he felt from the moment that she set his plate of food in front of him, and then proceeded to tell him that she would no longer be his wife, he didn't even want to eat for goodness' sake! He lived roughly three days with the knowledge that she wouldn't be coming back home, and everything changed for him; it was like an ingredient was taken out of his life and it just became bland. To this day, he hasn't even spent time with Pan, because he didn't have the zest to do anything and when he did, he didn't do it properly.

He needs to fight for Chi-Chi to stay in his life.

'I'll give you _all_ of my energy,' he sets out on the table, 'and only leave a little bit for me to move around.'

If there's one thing that he knows makes him a strong fighter, is his endurance. Whether he will be mortally weak or not when they fight, he's sure that his endurance will get him through to the end; that's the one thing that he can count on about himself.

'Why?' she asks, her brows drawn together.

He can't be sure if she's asking why he wants to fight her, or why he'll give her all of his energy, but he has an answer for both. To her, however, he will only give one answer, one which doesn't exactly answer for both accounts, but serves better as an explanation.

'Because if you win,' he steps back to her, 'then you can leave.'

Chi-Chi lets out a short laugh, one that he takes to mean that she won't be fooled. 'I'm not going to win, you know that, Goku. You have more experience and... I won't fight you, Goku,' she finishes by shaking her head.

He understands where she's coming from, but apparently, she's disregarding her own abilities and strength, without giving it even a little thought. Doesn't she know that if it wasn't for her, Goten wouldn't have been as strong as had been at the young age of seven? Doesn't she realise that she's handled a lot of things from him and came out with but a scratch? And to top it all off, she's still able to ride Nimbus after all this time, which means that her heart is capable of wondrous things if she sets it to them, including surpassing him if he pushes her _just_ right. Gohan is her son after all; he must get his hidden power from her, because he definitely doesn't get it from his father.

'Please, Chi-Chi,' he pleads, circling his thumb and index finger to form a ring around her wrist. 'Just one fight, you and me. I'll even train you myself.'

'My coronation is in two days,' she weakly tries to excuse, but he won't have it.

'One fight,' he insists. 'That's all it is. If you really want to leave, you'll win. And if I really want you to stay, even at my weakest, I'll win.'

She can go to her coronation if she wants, he won't stop her from going to it. She can even be queen at the castle; that doesn't bother him, but he'll go with her. From now on, where she goes, he'll go. If she packs her suitcase and decides to leave tonight, he'll follow her. In the end, her coronation doesn't make a difference to him, because for as long as she puts off fighting with him, he'll be stuck to her side.

Chi-Chi rolls her bottom lip into her mouth and brings her teeth to push on it, indicating that she's considering his proposal. She then looks at his hand on her wrist and then brings her eyes up to his, letting out a breath of indecision.

'One fight, that's it,' he tries to convince her one last time.

When her eyes flutter shut, he can't help it bust out the biggest smile, because he knows that he's won this round, even without her voicing her answer.

* * *

Chapter 9, **I'll Be Your Strength.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9, **I'll Be Your Strength.**

* * *

This is perfection, Chi-Chi thinks as a soft and sated sigh leaves through her lips. Waking up in the morning lately has been _absolute_ perfection for her. She deems it perfections, because the security in knowing that there's someone on her side, making her battle _his_ , and solely being there for her, for the purpose of being there for nothing in return, can't be compared to another type of security.

Opening her eyes in the morning these last few days, has always been accompanied by the wonderfully soothing realisation that yes, her husband's warm arms _are_ surrounding her like a protective barrier, and yes, that absolutely feels like _perfection_ to her. Considering how much of a rough time she's been having internally lately, the protective barrier of her husband's arms has been acting as the exact thing that she needs for strength, to know that she can make it through the day; come rain or hurricane.

Yes, this is perfection, she thinks again while she carefully moulds her body further back into her husband's body. She wants, no, she needs to linger in his hold for just a while longer, before she has to begin going about her day, because who knows, this might the absolute last time that she gets to wake up in this perfection.

When she leans into him, however, it apparently rouses Goku from sleep, because he first of all makes a sound that is a cross between fulfilled and still wanting more, to then follow it with a question in a sleep-filled tone.

'You're awake, aren't you?

Although mildly startled by the fact that he's awake, she doesn't allow her body to show it. She manages to just barely conceal the light gasp of surprise, by covering it up with a soft thrumming mewl, which is unusually uncharacteristic of her.

Realising how momentarily inappropriate it is for her to be making such a sound for no apparent reason, Chi-Chi clears her throat to timely reply to his question, before she gives him any ideas.

'Morning, Goku.'

The truth is, she's curious that he's awake already, because he never wakes up in time with her. During the last days (last night excluded), she would always go to bed late, long after Goku had fallen asleep, but somehow, when morning came, she would always find herself in the safe hold of her husband. She's always been able to escape from his hold once she awoke, until today.

' _You're_ awake?' she asks, giving in to her curiosity.

For his part, Goku gives her two consecutive replies. The first one is physically expressive, because he draws her further back into him as he places his leg over hers, while the second reply is a verbal one.

'Morning, Chi-Chi,' he sleepily greets, following his greeting with a soft kiss just behind her ear.

It could be that she hadn't been expecting the kiss, or it could be the kiss' feather lightness, but whatever it is, something about the kiss delivered on the bone just behind her ear, sends a long warm bout of a current throughout her body; the kind that she should be savoured for as long as it's possible.

'Mhm,' she expresses the effect of the kiss vocally, desperately closing her eyes not to lose the effect feeling just yet.

'Did you sleep well?' he wants to know, huskily whispering that into her ear.

Particularly avoiding to give attention to the shiver that erupts in her centre to spread all through her nerves, she concentrates to think about his question. It had been her thought that since last night didn't end on a particularly even note for them, but rather, on a pretty strangely unresolved one, she wouldn't be able to find sleep so easily. She really believed that she would toss and turn in bed, and be consumed with thoughts on what to do when morning came, but as soon as Goku carried her over to the bed and held her in silence as though to pacify himself with her in his arms, she remembers feeling calmed herself and then nothing after that. In that way, she supposes that she _did_ sleep well.

She nods her answer, knowing that he will feel her do it, even if she doesn't say it.

'I'm glad,' he breathes, sounding as glad as he said.

After that, a serene silence settles itself between them, and while she doesn't want to break it, it's within the silence that she remembers about the one thing that she needs to have cleared for her. She couldn't ask about it last night, because it didn't seem fitting. Not when she saw how upset and overwrought she got him to be. It didn't seem fair to keep pushing further into a corner, when he was already on a rollercoaster.

This morning, however, it's different. Thanks to his unexpected display of emotional affection, she feels like they can talk openly and air out their differences. While it's quite clear that he figured out that she wants to leave, they have to properly talk about it to come to a conclusion that doesn't leave either of them worse off than the other.

'Goku,' she starts after taking a steadying breath, ' _why_ do you want to fight me? You know I won't win, you just know that I won't.'

There's no question about and around it, even if Goku gives her _all_ of his energy, she still won't win their fight, because the fact of the matter is that she _doesn't_ want to leave. She feels compelled to leave by her fragile heart, but in all honesty, she doesn't want to leave her whole life behind, and that's what will cause her defeat.

Inhaling lightly, he admits, 'I know. I know you won't win.'

'Then why?' she begs for a reason.

The silence from his end that meets her question, makes her believe that he's thinking, although, she understands that he's not _necessarily_ thinking of an answer to give her. Being his wife, she best knows how Goku works, especially when it comes to fighting. Goku always has an answer ready when it comes to the subject of martial arts, but the trick is that he doesn't simply give it away. She's always believed in her heart that that's the one thing that he holds dear as his safety per se.

'Goku,' she slightly pouts for him to answer her, pulling her arm free from his embrace, to tug on the fabric of his shirt.

'Because,' he finally gives in, 'I love that you came to me through fighting, remember?'

Interesting though his posed answer is –what with its direct way of pronouncing that he loves her warrior-like nature and its indirect way of asking her to delve into his mind-, she's more touched by it. Her heart melts at the revelation, that being encased in his arms isn't enough to keep herself together from becoming a gooey mess.

He _never_ told her _that_ before. Although it's true, she _did_ work her way to him through dedicating her heart and soul to the art of fighting, she didn't know that he noticed that particular detail exactly. As a young child, after Goku declined staying for the wedding to go off for an adventure, she immediately realised that to capture his attention, she _had_ to do and be involved with what _he_ found interesting. That's what made her devote herself to her father's strict training, and only now to find out that he _did_ notice it…

First freeing his hand to bring it over hers now resting on his arm, he breathes out to tell her, 'I also remember that you said you wanted me to have asked you to spar with me, but I never did. So I don't know, Chi-Chi, I just want one fight with you. I can't really explain it.'

Liar, she thinks with a faint smile, her subconscious pushing her to turn her hand around and intertwine it with his. She isn't consciously aware of it, but her subconscious is reaching it out to _that_ part of him, that she loves as well about him.

He's subconsciously lying to her, she mentally reasons, because he _can_ explain it. She's more than certain that there's a purpose to his proposed fight, especially since he just admitted that he knows that she won't beat him. When it comes to fighting and strategies, Goku's highly articulate and quick to think to have it all figured out. The only problem is, he doesn't give more than a fraction away when he gets into fighting mode, but he _always_ knows and has a reason for everything. It's how she sure that there's more to this fight that just wanting to fight with her as a gamble of whether or not she ultimately stays by his side after all.

'Well, then I want Piccolo to train me,' she tells him.

Goku has her gently trapped under him so fast, that when she opens her eyes upon realising that he just moved her out of his embrace to push her back into the mattress, his hair and eyes that are flickering catch her attention immediately.

'Piccolo?' he asks with furrowed eyebrows, his eyes darkening.

There he is flickering again, she wonders curiously. He's flickering just like he was doing for the majority of last night when they couldn't see eye to eye. Just like she couldn't bring it up last night, she won't bring it up now either. She doesn't know, but it feels like at this point there's nothing that she can do to get him to stop making his hair and eyes flicker to a completely different colour.

'Yeah,' she answers, 'I trust him, and I want him to train me.'

The truth is, she would rather not have this proposed fight with Goku, and much less train with him. But if he insists on fighting with her, then she has to have some form of advantage over him as well, and that advantage is Piccolo. Piccolo is the next best thing to her husband, and much more, she knows that she can trust him to do a good job with her.

' _Why can't I train you_?' he asks in a sulking manner, clearly showing her that he doesn't appreciate being overlooked.

Because spending more time with him will not be advantageous for her, she replies in her head, but to him she says, 'You? Are you sure? I might just get stronger than you currently are.'

It's a joke that she meant to get him to smile at, then forget all about the Piccolo thing for a moment, except, he doesn't smile, not even a bit. What he does do, is gather his facial muscles together to show her a serious expression.

'You, Goten and Gohan being stronger than me,' he evenly tells her, moving his body further into hers, so that their bodies are touching and she can feel his heart beat on her body, 'is something I can perfectly accept.'

Wow, her heart moves out of place without a warning, there's such a raw, stainless love in his words, in his promise, that even if her heart wanted to, it wouldn't be able to remain in place. Like a warm fire kindled at just the right temperature to heat up the perfect mug of tea, her heart reacts in the exact same way to his words. She can't fully describe it, but all she knows is that from where her heart moved, it doesn't at all feel like it's out of place.

'But _only_ you three, no one else,' he concludes.

This side of himself that he rarely displays, she thinks, feeling a comfortable lump beginning to form in the throat, is one of the reasons that she couldn't ever think of another man in place of Goku, despite Goku's absences. Although he rarely showed this raw side of himself, the few times that he did, covered enough depth and volume in her soul to cater for a few years to come. Now that she thinks about it, this probably why she grew attached to him as a young child.

Even feeling emotional tears burn behind her eyes, she lifts her hand to dig her fingers into his hair as she deeply stares into his eyes lovingly.

'You're impossible,' she flawlessly recites an old affectionate saying between them. It's always been their secret way of communicating that the other just said or did something worth more than all the money.

In response, he crunches up his nose for a smile that infects her to smile too in the time that he brings his forehead to hers. Like this, feeling touched to her core, she just wants to fall back into his arms and stay there forever, but then an abrupt bang on the door ruins her plans. The only consolation is that Goku isn't at all fazed to move his body from hers.

'Mom!' Goten shouts from outside the door. 'Piccolo was over at Gohan's and he said he wants to talk to you.'

'Don't knock like that, Goten!' she yells so hard, that even Goku jumps back a little.

Really, Goten shouldn't be knocking like that at such an hour, and least of all when his knocking threatens to cut through such a tender moment!

'Sorry, Mom!' her son apologises, but she can imagine that he has a smile on his face. It's just like him to take something serious lightly. 'But can you come out now? Piccolo's kind of getting impatient.'

Goku lifts his forehead off hers, so that he has a better view of her eyes. 'Say no,' he quickly tells her to stop her from giving Goten an answer.

'What, no!' she just as quickly protests. 'I can't say _no_.'

Piccolo wouldn't specifically just ask to see her if what he wants to tell her is not important. Very rarely in her life, she's had a private audience with Piccolo, but when she did, it was for something that matter. There is no way that she can refuse to see Piccolo now, even if it means giving up this little piece of heaven.

'Yeah, you can,' he argues too much like Goten would do, pressing her chest down when she tries to lift her head. 'Just say no so we can stay like this for a while.'

Huh, her mind stops mid-track, _where_ did that come from? Goku's not the sort of person to pass up an opportunity that presents itself, let alone to deprive someone else of an opportunity for deliberate selfish reasons.

'That's awfully selfish of you, Goku,' she remarks, raising her head. 'What's gotten into you?'

About such things, he is usually very understanding and easy-going, but here he is, telling her to let Piccolo go in order for them to have this time to themselves?

As though an unwelcome blast of energy just went through him, Goku swiftly climbs off her, to plant himself on his behind and show her a deep frown that has no sign of amusement in it.

'What's gotten into _you,_ that you want Piccolo to train you? I can train you just fine, Chi-Chi.'

She swears, the horrified face that he makes after his words, is the funniest yet that she's seen on him. It's like he doesn't want to believe that she wants Piccolo to train him, and yet, there's no way he can avoid believing it, because it came right from her mouth, and the conclusion of his inner conflict is manifested in his expression.

After several disbelieving blinks, she lets out a shocked, 'Are you jealous?'

'Mom!' Goten screeches. 'You didn't answer me!'

Ug! Goten! He cut right through a vital moment again. The first second right after her question, would've been the perfect time to assess Goku's reaction, but now, that second is lost.

'Tell him I'll be with him soon,' she barely manages to keep from shouting, because she chooses that moment to lift off the bed to start leaving to talk to Piccolo.

'Okay,' Goten cheerily replies. 'I'm going to Trunks'. Bye Mom, bye Dad.'

Goku, however, doesn't let her get off the bed, as he quickly moves to get her in the previous position that she had occupied underneath him. His skill is impressive for a man in formal attire that he normally complains about.

'What are you planning, Goku?' she wonders as she's unable to see into his mind.

Before giving her an answer, he looks at her for a moment, and then suddenly, twinkling sparkles rise in his eyes. Barely giving her the time to take his newly a dazzling smile, he rubs his nose over hers.

'I want us to remain in this bed, and be like this for a while more,' he tells her after drawing back.

'I want that too,' she involuntarily confesses in the heat of the sweeping moment.

All right, fine, she _does_ want to indulge in this, she can admit that much. But is it so wrong of her to want intimate time with Goku after all the months that he's been away with Uub? She understands that it's contradictory to the leaving mantra that she's been spewing, but heck, she'll still a woman with a beating, and the heart is never known to make sound decisions. Whether or not she should want to indulge in more time with Goku before ultimately leaving, doesn't take away the fact that she wants this with him right now.

'Okay,' he laughs in a way that gives vibes from the day that they got engaged.

She's taken back to the time when Goku rejected Kami's offer to be Guardian Of The Earth in a silly, playful way, saying something about that not being the kind of adventure that he's looking for. It's the same now; he has that same mischievous look on his face and she can't help it laugh along with him.

'So just trust me, okay, Chi-Chi?' he whispers in a promise, sealing it with a light kiss just next to her earlobe.

Butterflies uninvitedly begin to flutter in her stomach, leading her to wrap her arms around his neck and pull him into her neck as she happily laughs from the base of her soul. When she releases him a few seconds later, he jumps out of bed without giving her a warning before he speedily removes his clothes and underwear too. As confused as she is curious, she sits up with a frown on her face, wondering what in the world he's doing, only for him to rush out the door of their bedroom as naked as he is.

Knowing Goku, she's not alarmed to think of him going around naked in the house to be seen by Goten. Except, when she thinks of Goten seeing his father naked, she remembers what he announced about Piccolo waiting for her, and that's more than enough reason for her to jump out of the bed with super speed, and run out of their room to catch up with Goku.

She catches up with him just in time to find Piccolo letting out a manly yet horrified scream at Goku's nakedness. 'Aaaaaaah! Goku!'

'Hey, Piccolo,' Goku cheerily greets with a seemingly innocent wave, 'Chi-Chi and I were in the middle of something. Can you come back later?'

'Oh!' Piccolo gasps, and before she can tell him that Goku's not being honest, he flies out of the house, leaving Goku cackling in glee.

So that's what it is!

She looks at her husband in complete awe of him. Really, does the fact that she wants Piccolo to train her bother him that much, that he would deliberately present a situation that's open for insinuation? Goku knows how embarrassed and uncomfortable Piccolo gets about such things, which _must_ be what Goku is aiming for. If she wasn't here in person, she wouldn't have believed it possible for Goku to act this way.

But then again, now that she's thinking about it, there's just something different about Goku this morning. She can't put her finger on it, but there's definitely something that he's brewing in that head of his, that's meant to have some type of effect in the long run. She only needs to find out what.

'That wasn't nice,' she smacks his chest to get him to stop cackling.

'But at least he's gone,' he answers, 'and I have you all to myself.'

Well, if she has to, she'll admit that yes, the idea is appealing. Very appealing in fact.

Shaking her head, she softly says, 'You're impossible, Goku,' to which he replies with an angelic grin, which would be disconcerting on someone other than him.

* * *

Chapter 10, **Jealous.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10, **Jealous.**

* * *

Going by the look on her face, not merely by what she said, he can certify that she wants what he wants too. Just a minute ago she admitted that she also wanted to stay all day in bed with him, so he's sure that nothing will get in the way of his plans with her. Goten is gone, Piccolo is also gone, and there's nothing standing in his way to hog his wife away from him. Especially Piccolo, who she for some reason she wants to train with, instead of him.

'I want you today,' he lets her know again, properly keeping his eyes on her.

He needs for her to read how serious he is, but she only looks at him like she doesn't understand what medication he's taking, that's making him say something casual, yet incomprehensible. Maybe he doesn't have a serious expression on his face, he considers. Or he just wasn't clear enough.

'Just me and you,' he explains, 'that's what I want.'

'Oh,' she accepts. 'I thought you meant...' trailing off, she runs her eyes from his face down his very naked body, making her eyes complete her incomplete sentence.

Oh, _that_ , it clicks for him, he could include _that_ in his plans too, but primarily, he has other plans for her.

All through the night, he couldn't sleep as well as he should've been able to, because his mind couldn't stop thinking. In all his life, he rarely had to think deeply, because his impulsive instincts guided him in the stead of thinking. Last night, however, his mind wouldn't stop thinking. It refused to stop thinking about Chi-Chi having the serious thought to leave him, and thus, came up with his plans for today. Making her see that she _can't_ leave him, takes priority over all else that he may or may not want to engage in with her today.

'Maybe later,' he says, casting a side-glance her way.

He's not going to promise her that they'll have _that_ moment later on, but he needs her appeased to carry on with the plan that he has for her, so he hopes with all his heart that it sounds like a promise to her.

She makes an expression that says she doesn't believe him, but a small, 'Okay,' comes from her mouth, and that's more than enough for him.

'I want to take you somewhere,' he tells her, holding his hand out for her to take.

Running her eyes down his body, Chi-Chi puts a displeased look on her face, her eyebrows drawn so close together that it almost looks like she has one long eyebrow.

'Get dressed first,' she tells him in a way of warning, making it sound like it's either that, or she won't do what he wants.

For an answer, he only giggles before swiftly moving past her to go and get dressed in normal clothes. He would usually prefer to be in his training and fighting attire, but for this day with his wife, he'll wear normal clothes that have nothing to do with fighting.

However, as much as he'll get dressed in normal clothes, he doesn't want to take up much time getting dressed, in the case that someone else decides to show up and ruin his plans. Not bothering to pull on either underwear or shoes, he only pulls down a T-shirt and the his trousers before returning back to her in under two minutes. In fact, he goes right past her to the door.

'Let's go,' he calls for her, once again holding his hand out for her at the door.

'You're not wearing shoes, Goku,' she observes with distaste as she comes to him.

He knew that she would comment something about his shoes, which is why he quickly pulls her into him and then lifts her up with him as he starts to levitate off the ground. He then closes the door before he gets too high up to close it.

'Hihihi… Hold on, Chi-Chi,' he tells her through a giggle to soften her to let him of the hook for not wearing shoes.

Thankfully, she heeds him by wrapping her arms around his neck. In turn, he puts his arms around her waist to secure her his hold. He usually doesn't like to fly upright, but for Chi-Chi, he will.

They begin their first few metres of ascension away from the house in silence until he looks at her and sees that she has a wondering look on her face. He knows that face well, he's lived with her for so long that he's accustomed to knowing what every face that she makes means. For the most part, he finds it more exciting to pretend to not know in order to provoke an exciting reaction out of her, but he _always_ knows what each look that she puts on her face means.

'What are you thinking about?' he questions, genuinely curious to know.

The thing is, if he wants her to ultimately stay and not leave him like she's planning to, he'll have to let go of what he wants and dive into her mind, to gather what _she_ wants from him. It may just be that attention from him will get her to stay with him.

Chi-Chi looks at him, the same look of wonder still on her face. 'Do you know why I never learnt how to fly?' she asks him.

That's a good question, he thinks, returning a similar version of the look on her face.

To be honest, he never really thought about it, so he can't say that he has an immediate answer. What he does know, is that he's always assumed that she had no real interest in flying. In the back of her mind, he always reasoned that had she had interest in flying, she would've learnt how to do it, especially during the years that Gohan would take off without her permission.

'No,' he answers honestly, stopping mid-air. 'Why didn't you learn how to fly?'

The real question he should be asking, is why she never asked him to teach her how to fly, but somehow, his question seems like the right one to ask.

'Because after I met you,' she quietly says, 'I never felt like I needed an escape.'

He was half hoping that she would say something about Nimbus being available. Actually, in his head, he had it that she would say something along the lines of how both of her sons and her husband have the flawless ability to fly, and so there was never a reason for her to learn how to fly, but her answer…

He can only really look at her, marveling at how simple yet profound her answer is.

'I don't know if it will make sense to you,' she starts to explain softly, probably thinking that he doesn't understand, 'but after my mother died, I always wanted to fly up to the heavens to be with her. I always wanted an escape.'

Again, even though she's expectantly looking at him to give her something of an answer, he can only look at her, amazed by how she's felt this way about him all these years, but she never once told him about it.

But then in equal measure as his amazement, he begins to feel an accusing feeling in the pit of his soul, making him wonder if he never truly paid attention to his wife during all these years. When he remembers the previous night and hearing this now, he suddenly feels attacked by the accusation that he took his wife for granted. He married her and he fell in love with her and that was that…

'My father was always there for me,' she carries on, 'and he loved me, but there was always a part of me that wanted to fly high up in the sky and escape to be with my mother. But after I met you, I don't know, I found ground with you. I didn't know it back then as a child, but over the years after being married to you, I realised that you grounded me, Goku. That desire to fly up high in the sky left me after I met you, because you gave me something firm to hold onto. It probably doesn't make practical sense, right?'

Oh, man, Goku lets out a breath, feeling his heart clench as his wife shyly looks away from him as if what she just said is the wrong answer, where did he go wrong as a husband that he never took the time to know this about her?

He should be disappointed in himself, he thinks, looking down in slight shame. Chi-Chi knows all there is to know about him, while he… In this state, he lifts his head to look the other way and then yells a loud, 'Nimbus!'

Within a second, Nimbus shows up and sweeps both of them off their feet to land plump onto their bottoms on him. Both giggling at Nimbus' eagerness, they settle comfortably on him. Goku swears that Nimbus has never come to him so fast before; it's like Nimbus has been waiting an eternity to be called and his chance finally came, so he seized it without wasting a single second.

Once they are seated and their giggles have died down, he carefully rotates Chi-Chi to make it so that they are sitting staring at each other, instead of being side by side.

Being able to look at her face and look into her eyes, is what he wanted all along. He didn't like that he had limited access to seeing her the way he really wanted to see her. But, he finds that somehow, having her face him, doesn't satisfy him nearly as much as he thought it would.

'I think I understand what you mean,' he confesses, looking into her eyes, but still finding that it doesn't feel satisfying.

For a reply, she arches a brow in question, silently asking him to elaborate on what he means by that.

Pointing down, he tells her, 'Look down there.'

There's really nothing specific down there that he wants her to see. Rather, he only wants to adjust her around so that she is leaning her back on his chest.

Wrapping his arms around her, he asks, 'Better?'

She quietly nods, easing out a satisfied sigh, which makes him smile inside. It's better for him like this too.

'I met Bulma first,' he starts to tell her, 'and then I met you. After you, I met the most gentle girl in the world and her name was Suno. Suno was a really good person, who saved my life. After Suno, I met another girl named Arale. Arale was my kind of person, she was hyper and really strong… I had so much fun with Arale. And then when I was training with Mr. Popo at Kami's place, there was another sweet girl that saved me, her name was Churi…'

Shoo, that was a lot to get out at once, he breathes out. He doesn't know why he didn't allow himself breaks between all that. Well, he guesses that he's just in a hurry to show her that he understands what she means about feeling grounded with him. In his heart, he just wants them to bond and relate to the same thing, because he thinks that it will help her see why she can't leave him.

'I didn't know that you met so many girls,' Chi-Chi remarks tightly.

'Hahaha,' he scratches the back of his head, picking up that she doesn't sound approving at all. 'But that's my point, Chi-Chi,' he tries, 'I met all those girls, and they were wonderful people, but the truth is, none of them could've held me down like you do.'

From Bulma to Churi, while they all had their respective wonderful qualities, none of them had that zest enough to find a way to capture his interest. Yeah, sure, there'd been food, but that really only appealed to his stomach, not to the person he was at heart.

'I think... hmm...' he starts to think of a good example, one that she will understand. 'Take Bulma for example, if I'd married her, I would probably have had a lot more freedom to feed my desires. I think if that had happened, at least twenty years would've gone by before I saw all my friends and family again. Bulma shouts and slaps, but she doesn't have what it takes to wrestle me down, and keep me stable.'

Bulma has never had what it took to keep him down like he needs to be. She's always been too soft with him, and even now she just can't resist giving in to what he wants. Now that he thinks about it, it's never been a challenge for him to work around Bulma. He's never seen her in the light that he sees Chi-Chi, but if he had, he doesn't think that he would be the man that he _is_ today.

'She managed to wrestle Vegeta down,' his wife remarks again, this time sounding a little too sour for his liking.

Frowning, he stoically replies, 'I'm not Vegeta.'

Whatever Bulma did to and with Vegeta, doesn't apply to him in any way, shape or sentence. He's not Vegeta, so he can't be compared to Vegeta.

'I know you're not,' she whispers apologetically.

Good, he thinks, nuzzling his chin on her shoulder to show her that he's letting the subject go.

'I just mean to say that you know how much I love adventure, Chi-Chi,' he continues. 'You know how easily I get bored, but with you, I'm grounded, and I don't know, it's kind of like your reason for not learning to fly, don't you think?'

He really needs for her to say that yes, it's like her reason for not learning how to fly, but she only angles her head almost as if to look at him, but not fully, because she's not able to.

'That's why I need you with me,' he completes sheepishly when she doesn't say anything. 'I was going to take you on an adventure to remind you of that adventure we had just before we got married. I was going to show you the world, to make you remember the first years of our marriage and how wonderful they'd been...'

Thinking back now, he realises that after Raditz showed up, everything changed and he just changed as a husband. Unlike in the first years of their marriage when he was devoted to learning what the married life entailed and consisted of, after he died that first time, he grew consumed with the idea of battle and without paying attention to how it took him over, he let it rule him. That lifestyle ruled him so much, that he took it for granted that he loved her and she knew it, but he never truly surrendered to the whole idea of marriage past the honeymoon years…

Woah, he needs to reel himself back in before he gets too lost in all the ways that he went wrong as a husband for the woman that he married and loves entirely.

'But now I feel like I just ruined that, so um…' he uses that as his reel. 'I want you to know that I need you with me, Chi-Chi.'

'I'm glad you brought me,' she admits like it was exactly the thing that she need. 'Thank you, Goku.'

'I'm all out of ideas,' he laughs lightly, his chin still on her shoulder. 'I don't know what else to do now that my plan is out in the open. Do you still want to go for an adventure?'

He's sure that he can take her some place else if she's till up to it, even Uub's village if she would like that.

Shaking her head, she refuses his offer. 'Let's just ride like this and talk. I like this.'

Smiling, he asks, 'Just ride Nimbus and talk, huh?'

'About anything you want,' she assures him, as if she knows that he's searching for what to talk about.

There are a million things that he can talk about with her. He can start by asking her what she wants from him, what it will take for her to finally agree to stay for real, or even bring up their pending fight, but more than all of that, there's only one thing that he'd like her to know above all.

'Don't leave me,' he says.

No, he doesn't say it, he requests it from the deepest part of his soul. It's an actual request that he can't bear to have turned down. At first, he didn't realise why he wasn't in the mood for anything since he returned from Uub's village, but after his talk with Piccolo and then the Ox King's funeral, he discovered that he couldn't be without her. He figured out that his security has always been in Chi-Chi's presence back home, and now that there's the threat of losing that security, he just can't…

'Chi-Chi?' he prods, feeling like it's been too long a silence, and maybe she didn't hear him.

'When you were sick with the heart virus,' finally comes from her, 'Yamcha was there every single day. He helped me with everything, even the cooking…' she trails off.

Why is he suddenly talking about Yamcha? What does Yamcha have to do with her not leaving him?

'…and one day,' she picks up in the same quiet tone, 'I remember thinking if I would've had a different life with him... a painless life.'

Without noticing that he's doing it, his arms around her tighten at the mention of a life with Yamcha.

'I swear Goku,' she chokes out a sob, her sob reverberating through her body so that he feels it, 'every time that you left the house, or you died, it was worse than the last time. I used to think that there couldn't possibly be a way to bring you back each new time... It was the worst kind of pain to live through. That's the life I wondered if I wouldn't have had, had I married Yamcha.'

Married Yamcha? He doesn't like to think of Yamcha and her in the same sentence, because it's just incorrect, even worse than being compared to Vegeta. But oddly, the thought of Yamcha is shadowed by how bad he feels for never knowing that she hurt so much, that she wondered of a different life _without_ him.

Is he really that bad of a person? Does he _need_ to let her go, so that she never has to suffer like that?

'Chi-Chi…' he sighs, feeling like he just took on the weight of the world into his heart.

'I told you, Goku,' she lets out in a low tone, 'I'll be the one who suffers if I don't leave. I appreciate you trying like this, and to be honest, I needed to be with you one last time like this to just… to let you go.'

He can't afford to lose her, he realises that now, because nothing is the same without her, but after hearing her say all this, he feels like if he convinces her to stay and he leaves one last time, that will be the end of her. She already explained to him that she doesn't have anything else to do in their house, not since their son's are all grown up and they don't need her to tend to them anymore.

Should he really let her go? Should he go back on his word to himself and not fight for her to stay?

'Chi-Chi,' he tries to make something come out of his mouth other than her name alone, but he can't.

His heart is tearing apart in a way that he never knew was possible. All his life, Chi-Chi has been his safety net, the cushion that he always knew was there. Just the knowledge that she was there, made it possible for him to do things correctly and not mess up. He always had the guarantee that she would always be there for him, and that she would never leave him, but now, he doesn't know if making her stay will be good for _her_ or not.

The poor woman already lost her rock, her father, he remembers, swallowing a thick lump down his throat, and if he insists on making her stay, it might destroy her in the end. He can't be responsible for destroying the woman that he loves, he thinks sourly as he stiffens, coming to a conclusion for all this.

King Kai once told him that being a hero, saving lives, sometimes meant walking away. He never agreed with that, because when he thought about walking away from a fight with all of the guys that he fought, no one would've been saved. Except now, he clearly understands what King Kai meant by that.

He has to let Chi-Chi go. Even if it kills him. If he can take responsibility for being a bad husband after Raditz came to Earth, he should be able to take the responsibility of losing too. Even if it defies his fighting principle of never giving up until he passes out, he has to let her go.

'Can we go to the castle?' he asks her, resigning to his destiny.

He feels her stiffen as she asks in a small panic, 'Why? I thought we'd stay like this for a while.'

He thought so too, but he can't do this to her. His throat constricts as he tries to think of an answer to give her. In the end, he can only press his lips on her shoulder as though to place a kiss on them, when he's really only trying to keep himself from letting out a howl of a cry for finally realising that he hasn't been making his wife happy.

'Goku?' she probes.

Taking in deep breath, for an answer, he barely manages to get out, 'Your coronation is tomorrow.'

His heart feels like it's freezing just saying the words. He's never had to bow down, to give up a fight before, and this feels like forfeiting without even getting a choice in the matter.

For a second, she freezes, but that second passes and she relaxes in resignation before she nods. Unlike him, she's been prepared for this, and apparently, it isn't as hard to accept as it is for him to do.

'Let's go,' she quietly gives him the go ahead, and then proceeds to unwrap his arms from her.

He's trying, even as she untangles their arm, he's trying his best to not show her how badly he feels inside. He doesn't want her to feel sorry for him, and so yes, he's trying to keep himself together, but he doesn't know if he's succeeding, because he sure doesn't feel like he is.

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 **26Chapters**

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The Nimbus ride to the castle, is the hollowest of silences that he's ever faced. During his adventure-filled life, he's encountered several silences; absolute, haunting, frightening, daring, and even provoking, but none of them had ever been hollow like this one was.

Once they arrive at the castle, Goku silently hops off Nimbus. Gently, he reaches for her to pull her off the cloud by holding her in his arms to gently place her down on her feet.

'Thank you,' she tells him, giving him a smile that's not from the heart.

How can she just keep herself together, knowing that this is it for them while he… He looks at her trying to find a vulnerable spot that will change this whole thing for them, but he just… He just can't. Looking at her is too much, so he faces the other way, except her hand gently bring his face back to hers.

'Goku.'

Face to face with her, he wants right there and then to cry. He's only ever cried once in his life and that was the time that he met his grandfather at Baba's tournament. He never cried again after that. He got angry and frustrated and he felt sadness in his life, but he never again cried, because there hadn't been a reason to. Until now.

'My Goku…' leaves her mouth in a thick whisper, the tears in her eyes not helping in any way. 'My sweet Goku…' she rubs his cheek.

He feels them coming, he feels the tears building up in his eyes, so he closes his eyes, leaning into her touch to stop the tears from moving out of his eyes. How dare they want to come out now?

'My biggest fear has always been that one day I would stop loving you, and then everything that I endured would've been for nothing…'

Slowly, he opens his eyes, not caring if the tears building in his eyes spill out. He never realised what he did to her, he didn't know that she carried such a burden with her for so long.

He takes a step into her. 'Chi-Chi, I'm so sorry,' he croaks, not knowing what else to say.

She instantly drops her hand from his cheek to surprise him with surrounding him with her gentle arms. As though prompted, he breaks out into a strained sob in her arms. It's not what he had planned, and it's not what he would've liked to do in front of her, but he can't help it.

Although he bites down on his tongue to keep from fully crying, he internally continues to cry. He doesn't know if he's crying for himself, or for her and everything that she's had to deal with all because of him, all he knows is that he's crying and he can't stop.

Being the angel that she is, Chi-Chi allows him to remain in her arms, while he wills himself to not break down in front of her. She softly repeats the words, 'I love you,' to him to soothe him, but as soothing as they sound, they aren't doing anything for him. Maybe she means to tell him that her worst fear hasn't yet come to pass, but that still doesn't soothe him.

Can anything soothe him?

* * *

Chapter 11, **Kaleidoscope.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11, **Kaleidoscope.**

* * *

Studying herself in the mirror, Chi-Chi can't stop a tiny part of her mind from asking her if she's doing the right thing here. Is it really okay for her to go through with this ceremony? Is it really okay for her to sit in front of a thousand people and entertain the idea of becoming their queen, when she's leaving her own home broken in pieces? How will she be a good queen if she couldn't even endure the hardships of being a wife? Is any of that really okay?

Enough now, she sternly tries to tell herself, you made your choice, now accept it. If you keep up like this, it'll play out exactly like the morning in the hotel, and who knows, Goku might even transmit here just like he did the last time. And if Goku shows up again...

No, she can't think like that. She and Goku already said their goodbyes yesterday. There wouldn't be any reason for him to show up this time, so it's better that she not think like that.

In an attempt to shake those unwelcome thoughts out of her head, she turns to her side to see how she looks like from that angle. It only takes one look at herself from the side, for her to see right away that she went all out to get dressed for this day. And it's then that the tiny part of her mind that had been trying to fill the rest of her mind with doubt, contaminates another chunk of her mind to question if she's really doing the right thing here.

Look at yourself, Chi-Chi, her mind speaks to her, you're dressed like _that_ , looking like _that_ , a far cry from who you usually are, and you want the people who know you, to take you seriously? Look at the make up on your face, look at the flattering way your hair is running down your face, instead of being held back like it usually is. Look at that dress, showing every single slope of your body, that you usually keep well-hidden for only Goku to see… This isn't you, Chi-Chi, this is an escape that you're trying to make for yourself, so that you can justify leaving your husband.

It's so loud in her head, she shakes her head a little, once again attempting to clear her mind of all doubts. It's _too_ loud in her head in fact, she concludes with a worried sigh, feeling like she's using her last breath. It shouldn't be like this, she shouldn't be having second thoughts about taking the throne to her kingdom, much less about being dressed up and looking like a woman for the first time in the longest time.

There had been so many times that she was invited to an event, when she achingly longed to make herself up and enhance her beauty, but since she couldn't be there with her husband, she thought it disrespectful and attention seeking to dress up. She's been waiting for a chance like this for the longest time. She's been waiting for an event where she could put on a flattering dress and paint her face with light touches of colour like other women her age do. She's been waiting for a chance to let her hair breathe, without worrying about tying it for the rest of the day, because she has so much to get done in the house. And yet, now that she's dressed up like she always dreamed to be, she feels like it's wrong? No, that must be a sign of some kind.

In serious doubt, feeling just a breath away from calling the whole thing off, she takes four steps back to the dressing table, but her eyes remain on her figure in the mirror.

Her mind's right, she realises as her eyes run up and down her figure. She may not be wearing a show-stopping dress, but she still looks beyond amazing. And green really, she wonders, she just had to wear the green dress? Green compliments her in several ways that other colours just don't seem to do. It must have something to do with her pale skin complexion, but the colour green, especially the olive shade that she's chosen out, has the flawless ability to accentuate her figure. From her exposed shoulders, almost glistening for no apparent reason, to the contours of her body…

No, she's starting to see that this isn't a good sign for her. In fact, maybe she should-

Abruptly cutting her away from her thoughts all of a sudden, the air in her room gets stuffily thick. It's almost unbelievable how humid it suddenly is in here. Suddenly feeling unable to move, she stands frozen on the spot, holding her breath and praying that this will be easy.

'Goku,' she whispers just as she closes her eyes.

From the way they parted yesterday, she isn't the least surprised that he's here to see her. He wasn't satisfied with how they left things yesterday, and she knows first-hand that when Goku is not satisfied, he keeps pushing. While she knows this about him, a part of her still wants to wonder if he isn't tired of going through the same cycle lately.

Weren't three goodbyes enough for him? Does he still want to get them to a point where wringing out their feelings is inevitable? Because she can't take any more of it. Every day that she wakes up, she has to struggle against herself between staying and going, and when he keeps appearing in her path, he makes ten times worse.

'You're not supposed to be here,' she tells him, folding her arms across her chest to maintain her little sense of composure.

The answer that she gets, is thick silence, even thicker than the air surrounding them in the room. The silence makes her feel trapped in the room with no escape. Unlike him, who has the wonderful ability of appearing and disappearing when it suits him (and not just literally), she doesn't have that luxury; she's never had it.

She wishes that he would break through the heavy silence, because in the silence, her doubts are heightened beyond their limits. Fortunately, just when she can't take the silence anymore, light footsteps come to a standstill almost directly in front of her, making her open her eyes.

Where she mentally prepared herself to come face to face with a distraught looking Goku, she meets a dreamy-eyed face, looking as though he's looking at the very thing that he's been tirelessly searching for throughout his entire existence. His innocent black eyes say the words that don't come out of his pressed closed mouth. His eyes are asking her to let him have even five minutes to simply look at her, to feast his eyes on her just the way she is.

Feeling her heart sink for him, she pulls in a short breath and takes half a step backwards to compose herself to give off the air of someone who's puzzled.

'Are you just going to look at me?' she questions. 'Is that why you came in here?'

Her questions apparently startle him out of his dreamy state, because he jerks his head up in hurry as though to shake it to life, before clearing his throat to ask a confused, 'Huh?'

Although he loses his dreamy state, something about the brightness in his eyes tells her that he's not quite over feeling like she's the best discovery that he's made all his life. Nonetheless, she pushes that to the side for her own sake. If she doesn't, she could easily get lost in his feelings right along with him too.

'I… I… Why are you here, Goku?' she finally manages to ask.

'Oh,' he says after clearing his throat a second time. 'I, um… I brought you these.'

He presents his hands in the small space between them, which are holding the same bag that he brought to her at the hospital. Unsure what to think or say in this moment, she only keeps her eyes on the bag.

'It's the Dragon Balls,' he softly tells her. 'I found them for you anyway, so take them. _Please_?'

It's not just his partially desperate 'please' that appeals to her, it's also her own reasoning, her intelligence that hasn't ever led her into dreadfully wrong places before, that urges her heart to take a second to consider his request.

He sounded genuine enough. He even sounded like if she refused him, it would break his heart. It's for that reason that she reaches out her hand to take the bag from him. Once she has the bag in her own hands, she takes a chance and looks back up at him, even though she's still not sure what to say to him.

Almost immediately, she regrets the decision to look at him, because more unsettling than before when he looked like he was looking at long-sought-after gift, he's now staring at her with such raw emotion reflected in his eyes, that she feels the beginnings of a blush creep up her face from the base of her neck. She would be lying if she said that she ever saw such raw desire in his eyes before today. Not even in his Super Saiyan four form when he was bluntly agile about sex, did he ever look at her so urgently with archaic desire before.

This time, she's the one who needs to clear her throat, thoroughly. She needs the time it takes to 'clear' her throat, to regain herself for what feels like the tenth time today. She also needs the time, to try to redirect her focus away from the fact that Goku _deeply_ desires her. She needs to shift her vision to something else, something else like…

'You're wearing a suit,' she brightly observes, extremely thankful to have found something else to bring up.

With this new topic, with this new distraction, she can comment on how she knows that he doesn't like to especially wear suits, but then squandering her plan, Goku replies with his own response so fast that she doesn't get to finish her thought.

'And _you_ look different,' huskily comes from his mouth. 'Intriguing different.'

 _Intriguing different_ , she slowly repeats in her head. That sounds like he means to say that she looks the kind of different that's begging to be explored. And as if that wasn't enough, he quickly uses her silent moment to close the space little space between then to pull her flush against him.

Once again, she feels helplessly trapped.

'I want you so much,' he smoothly tells her, clearly unashamed to admit it. 'It's like I'm looking at a strong guy powering up, while I sense his incredible energy… and I just want to fight him already, you know?'

He finishes his simple explanation by looking deeply into her eyes as if that way, he'll drill his meaning into her, to make her understand the way he wants her and the way he doesn't want to have to wait to have her.

And here she thought she was trapped before, she thinks as she swallows something invisible down her throat. The analogy was quite clear for her, she continues to think, trying her best not to hold her breath in. He didn't need to drill his desire-filled eyes into hers to make her see his point.

'I want to kiss you so much, Chi-Chi,' he quietly, yet deeply says to her, bringing his thumb to lightly run over her bottom lip.

Eyes glued to his, too mesmerised to even dare to look away, she tries to open her mouth to say something, only, she can't get her constricted throat to co-operate. She didn't realise that her throat had closed up. When did that happen? Should she swallow down again to doctor her constricted throat? Will that help in getting her to say something, anything to him in return?

Goku, apparently unable to wait for her, gently pulls her further into his arms, pressing her to both embrace her and feel her close. At the new adjustment, stunned surprise overtakes her whole body, leading her to freeze in his arms and uncharacteristically drop the bag in her hands. If the seven balls hit her feet, she doesn't even notice it.

She hears him pull in a small breath as if to show her that he's barely containing himself, which does nothing to make her feel at ease in his arms. It's not that she's afraid of being in his arms like this, it's more that she's afraid of acknowledging her own feelings in his arms. Already, her heart is rushing wildly as though it was let loose in the jungle after a long period of imprisonment, she can't…

'I want you so much,' he speaks softly close to her ear. 'I don't even understand why, suddenly… but I just want you so much, Chi-Chi and I don't know if I can wait. I've never been good at waiting for what I want.'

His measured intakes of breaths, his thinly latent quivering of muscles both touch her soft soul so much that she uses all of her willpower to force herself to snap out of her stunned state. She needs to move out of his arms, to look into his eyes, to look at his face, and then decide…

Surprisingly, Goku lets her ease out of his arms, however, where she thought she'd feel a little relief and experience the freedom of not feeling trapped, she feels… incomplete.

It's a draining feeling, goes through her mind while she separates herself from the man that she loves with all that she has.

As she's no longer plastered against him, she takes a good look at the man standing in front of her, no words forming even her mind.

'Chi-Chi, please,' brokenly leaves his mouth.

Inexplicably, she feels herself giving him a small nod. It's not necessarily consent or even an invitation, it's more that she's communicating how all right it is for him to want her.

Her Goku… How can she deny him anything when he looks ready to burst open? How can she deny him a last goodbye, if that's what his heart wants? How can-

Suddenly, she feels her nose collide with his. She can't be sure if she leaned into him or if met her in the middle (that's if she moved at all), but she doesn't get to wonder long about it because a loud knock sounds on her door just then.

Sucking in a breath, she hastily pulls back from him, light heat touching her cheeks. Begrudgingly, she turns towards the door to answer, 'Yes?'

'It's Willow,' comes the fluid answer. 'I've come to inform you that the ceremony starts in seven minutes.'

'All right,' she notes, partly thankful and mildly disappointed. 'I'll be right out.'

She turns around to tell Goku that it's just Willow, but she finds him gone. The place where he'd stood is now empty and when she looks down, to make sure that he's not crouching on the floor, only the bag with the Dragon Balls meets her eyes.

' _He left_ ,' weakly leaves her mouth, feeling her knees shake as if ready to give out at any second.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

Sitting on her highlighted majestic chair on the balcony, she has the perfect vantage point to see everything below.

As a child, she always used to like standing up on the balcony of their huge auditorium to pretend that she was speaking to a thousand students, teaching them whatever thing her mind wanted to teach that day. She'd always had the passion for teaching and their private auditorium made it able for her to live out her passion for a little portion of the day before she had to go out and train with her father.

Never in her wildest dreams, did she imagine that would one day be sitting on the same balcony, looking just two metres below at the sea of people who've congregated to witness her coronation, like she is doing now. If someone would've told her that she would be here, seeing an array of people, coloured in so many majestic shades, as though she was staring at a kaleidoscope, she would've told that person that they were out of her mind. She would've even screamed that she didn't ever see herself in a life away from her beloved marital home.

 _But_ , here she is, sitting in the same chair that her father used to sit in, not paying attention to what the ceremony minister is saying, but rather focusing her energy on finding a single person through the multitude. Although she partly notices everyone looking at her, her eyes don't heed their attention, because she's only on the lookout to find specifically spiky hair.

'Welcome the sworn in Queen, Son Chi-Chi to the podium,' the minister announces, disrupting her search for Goku.

Son Chi-Chi huh, she wonders to herself as she slowly gets up from her seat, if only they knew the whole truth. No one would be here to witness her coronation then, she sadly tells herself.

However, to her surprise, the second that she's firmly on her feet, an unexpected warming round of applause erupts in the air. Caught completely off guard, she nearly staggers back to fall into the chair. It's only thanks to the many years that she's spent as Goku's wife, that she's able to catch her real feelings in time, to prevent them for surfacing. If that hadn't been the case, her eyes would've erupted with tears without restraint right then and there in the same way that the applause erupted.

In all her life…

Apart from her first ever Tournament fights, she's never had the privilege of being applauded for. Even then with the Tournament, the applauses had been to urge her on, to encourage her to keep fighting so that _they_ , the crowd could keep being entertained. In this case, she doesn't feel like she's being cheered on to succeed, rather, she feels like she's openly being accepted into a community by willing hearts.

The tears in her eyes increase profusely from the genuine warmth that the applause brings her. From her very toes to the tips of her hair, is a sensation that she's never truly experienced in its fullness like this. It's quite something how all these people are bringing their hands together to show her support, but in a _genuine_ way.

She feels appreciated. Really, really appreciated, so much so that it makes her heart swell with an indescribable warmth. As a consequence, she could almost say that her heart is humming a soothing melody designed to lift her spirits –if only for a moment- from the languish that Goku's current absence left her with.

She's never felt so… important and valued before.

With a new sense of restored strength, she evenly makes her way to the podium for her moment, taking careful step after careful step to enjoy the beautiful sound of the applause for much longer. A chance like this may never come again and so while she's able to, she must take proper advantage of it, for her brain to etch it into her memory.

The applause gradually dies down when she reaches the podium, something which she appreciates greatly. She wouldn't have like it if the people stopped clapping for her all at once as though robotically. No, this gradual fading cements in their warm reception and appreciation for her, and she would be the biggest liar if she said that it didn't boost her ego more than she's ever had it boosted before.

'Thank you all for coming,' she evenly starts with a warm smile, shifting her head from side to side for the benefit of all of her audience.

She wants every single person in the auditorium to feel included. Like they gladly received her and made her feel important, she wants to return the favour. Except, returning the favour is not necessarily the reason that she's trying to include them all, it's more that she _does_ want to include them all. However, her plan flies through the window of her mind when she spots _him_.

She could've sworn that he wasn't there before. She'd looked at the front and second rows of the auditorium quite a few times to make sure that he wasn't there, to conclude that he wasn't there. She'd seen all their friends in the first and second rows, but he really hadn't been there. But now, there he is, calmly seated with Goten and Gohan on either side with his eyes solely focused on her.

Just as he did in her room, his expression tells the story of someone who's seeing her for the first time and at the same time, seeing the very gift that they've wanted to have for the longest time. Contrasting how trapped she felt when it was just the two of them in her room, this time, she positively just wants to melt on the spot. Maybe it has something to do with the ego boost that the audience gave her for a welcome, or maybe it's just her heart that's the cause, but all she knows is that she could just dissolve in the way that he's looking at her.

Not now, Chi-Chi, her mind warns her, dissolve when you are alone, not in front of a waiting crowd.

Oh, right, the crowd.

She returns her gaze to a neutral spot, and realises that there's dead silence in the place, for her to continue with here speech. Her mind knows it's not true, but something in her manages to make her feel like the whole auditorium can see inside her and they know her feelings. Suddenly, she feels self-conscious, so much so that she wishes that she'd taken off the green dress for another less exposing one.

She better get this over with as soon as possible, so that the people can start eating and then no one will be left to focus on her.

'Most of you don't know this,' she picks up, 'but my father didn't start out as a real king of this kingdom. There was a time when he was a violent man that people were afraid of. But it was one little boy's cheerful heart and promise to help, that made my father decide to be a better man.'

She doubts that the majority of the people present in the auditorium know the whole story of hoe her father came to be the real King of the kingdom, but that isn't the matter now anyway. What matters, is that she gives them a short background, to pave the way for her following reign. Even Goku doesn't know the extent to which he played a role in changing her father's overall attitude.

She gives off a little smile, a little nostalgia for the old days with her father dancing around in her head.

'It was from then on, that my father started caring for the people on his own,' she continues, 'without being told to. He started using his wealth to built better conditions for the people and created more jobs for them too. And when I was around sixteen, the kingdoms' people got together to elect him and officially ordain him as king.'

She'll never forget how much her father cried that day. The honour that he felt mingled with remorse for the way he'd previously been towards people in the past, had made him an emotional basket case that day. But, she'll admit that it had been one of the best days of her life, especially since it made her father happy. Seeing her father happy had always made her happy.

It's part of the reason that she wants to be Queen of this kingdom, amongst other reasons.

'Um…' she pauses to pull in a small breath, 'It's true that my father groomed me to be queen after him, but deep down, he always knew that I would get married to the man I loved one day and that his dreams for me would die. I did get married, and neither of us ever imagined that I would be here, doing what he used to do, being placed with the same responsibility that he had. My father made it look so easy, like it was as easy as maintaining a house is easy to me, however, I know better…'

During this second pause, she specifically looks at Goku. She can't think of a better person who would understand the weight responsibility has on one person. Goku has a knack of making opposing threats look easy to deal with, easy to defeat, but only _she_ truly knows how difficult it is for him to wear the crown of responsibility to keep everyone safe, just like she knew how difficult it was for her father to look after the wellbeing of his kingdom.

Goku, for his part, almost takes her breath away when he does one of the cutest things that he does. He puts on an uncertain smile as his index finger moves to patiently rub under his nose, to reflexively show his embarrassment. She's always found that signature move of his endearing, but to be witnessing it up from up where she is, and being the only one privy to it, almost takes her breath away. It's something so simple, and yet so vulnerably intimate that she can't help it feel connected to him right now.

But then suddenly, a blunt pang hits her in the centre of her chest just as she's thinking to show him a pleasant smile. She's supposed to breaking all connections with him, not encouraging them on. She needs to look away, and that's what she does.

'I know that being a leader means taking on everyone's burdens for the better,' she says after turning back to the rest of the crowd, 'and even though I have no experience with that, I've had two great men show me how to do it. I can only hope that I do not let my, or my kingdom down. Once again,' she quickly concludes, 'thank you all for coming. Please feel free to start eating now.'

This time, when an applause breaks out, she doesn't give attention to it, she steps away from the podium and starts to leave in the other direction for a private moment with herself.

She wonders if it will ever get better, if she will ever stop going back and forth between wanting Goku's presence and firmly sticking to the decision to go. Here she thought she'd been looking at a kaleidoscope of people, when she is the real kaleidoscope. Ever since Goku returned, she's between faltering between wanting him and needing him and also protecting herself from the heartache that will inevitably follow afterwards. She can't-

Her thoughts come to an abrupt end when she feels herself bump into someone. Feeling apologetic, she quickly lifts her head to convey her apology for her clumsiness and inattention, only to discover that she bumped into none other than the person who's in her mind.

He really needs to stop appearing like that to her.

Reaching for her arm, Goku tells her, 'I really need to talk to you, Chi-Chi. About earlier. You understand that, don't you?'

And she needs a minute to herself, she thinks with her eyes focused on his. She needs to sort herself out and get herself together, especially as from today onwards.

'Not now, Goku,' she tiredly tells him.

After that, she tries to walk past him, but he slides down his hand to get a hold of her wrist. Because his hold is much too tight, she retraced her step to end up where she'd been a second before; before him. His eyes do the begging for him, and she nearly caves when a glee filled voice sounds behind them.

'Mom! Oh, wow, Mom, you're really the Queen now!' Goten happily announces, and judging by the pitch of his voice, he's probably doing a little dance to that. 'So that makes me and Gohan princes, right Mom?'

Thank heavens for the interruption, she breathes out her relief and then looks around Goku to her son.

'Yes,' she answers him. 'You and Gohan are both princes now.'

Rushing over to be with them , Goten comes to start asking, 'And Dad's-?' but unceremoniously cuts off, his face drawing on a frown.

'Mom? Dad? What's wrong?' he wants to know, sounding worried while switching from the one parent to the other.

Sometimes, she hates that she raised such perceptively intelligent children. Like now, she lets out a minimal sigh, she doesn't have the strength for this. She can't let Goten find out about her and Goku like this.

'Goten sweety,' she gently tries to appease him, at the same time trying to ease herself out of Goku's hold. 'Nothing's wrong. Your father wants to talk to me, but I need to talk to Piccolo for a minute first. That's all.'

She just barely managed to remember that she never got the chance to talk to Piccolo yesterday and so made it her excuse. The problem is, Goten doesn't look a breath close to being appeased. If anything, he stares hard at his father, and then at his father's hand around her wrist…

'But Dad doesn't look-' Goten starts to say, but she doesn't let him finish.

'Goku…' she tries to tell him to let her go without saying the actual words, but highly resistant, Goku doesn't budge, which forces her to plead an urgent, 'Please.'

As though coming out of a trance, Goku takes in a sharp breath and then looks at his hand around her wrist, and then only does he let her go.

'Sorry,' he mutters to her.

She takes the opportunity to reach to her left to lightly cup Goten's cheek. 'I'll be right back with you Goten,' she promises before walking past Goku with a trembling heart.

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 **26Chapters**

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After she makes her clean escape to Piccolo, and she gets him, she quietly asks him to follow her to a more secluded corner where they can talk in private. They get to a less crowded place, because everyone seems to be interested in the food –that she unfortunately didn't make- more than actually engaging with each other at the moment.

It's curious, she begins to remember, Goku didn't rush for the buffet table like he would've done. He came to find her instead of running to eat. His urgent insistence to talk to her is now falling into place for her...

'Chi-Chi?' Piccolo calls for her attention.

Right, she's here with Piccolo to distract herself.

'The other day,' she sighs out, let her Goku thoughts go, 'you wanted to talk to me?'

Piccolo isn't the type of person who simply wants to talk for no reason at all. He is a reserved guy, an intellectually driven guy who doesn't say more than what he needs to, and he certainly doesn't like to get involved in things that have little to do with him. That's how she knows that whatever he wanted to talk to her about, is important.

'Oh,' he sounds taken aback, like he was expecting something else. 'I just wanted to ask if I'm the reason for your decision to leave?'

For a second after his question, her eyes stay on his exposed antennae before thinking to put on a puzzled face.

'Huh?' she asks, unsure of what he's talking about.

'What I said at the last Tournament,' he slowly explains, 'is that why you're leaving him?'

Oh, _that's_ what he's talking about. The truth is, when she told Goku to speak to Piccolo about why she left, she didn't really think that he would do it. She mostly told him that to get him off her back. She knows how much it goes against his nature to ask for help with things that he holds dear to his heart, and so she believed that he wouldn't actually go to Piccolo. It turns out she was wrong. Very wrong.

'No,' she quietly assures him. 'It's not because of you.'

Looking at Piccolo, and seeing the uncomfortable trouble that he went to, to put on a suit for her ceremony, she would just hate it if he believed that he's the reason for her leaving, when he has _nothing_ to do with it all.

'I didn't mean to make it sound like he wasn't happy with you when I said that,' he tries to explain.

He feels guilty, she realises. He's not showing it, but she knows him well enough to figure out that he feels guilty for what he said. Goku must've said something to him that dug under his green skin and made a home there.

'Piccolo, it's not you,' she says a little firmer this time, even going as far as to take his hand in hers. 'I didn't even think about what you said during all these months,' she tells him honestly. 'Piccolo, I left because…'

When she trails off like that, she observes how quick he is to summon a deep frown on his face.

'Is there someone else?' he questions, suspicion stitched onto every syllable of his question.

Some- Someone else? Seriously, someone else? Is that really an serious question that needs an actual answer, because…

Letting out an impressed huffing sound first, Piccolo half smirks to say, 'I thought you might react like that.'

She can't help it produce a small smile for his benefit. 'Well, it was a stupid question,' she tells him, letting go of his hand.

Instead of stepping away from him, Chi-Chi brings her left hand to one side of his face, and then lifts herself up on her toes to place a small kiss on his cheek. It's a simple gesture to tell him that she appreciates his concern for her family, but when she pulls back she finds that he's blushing a deep purple. She momentarily forgot that such things make him uncomfortable.

'I appreciate you coming here, and trying to fight for him, but this isn't your fight,' she says to him, deciding to tell him more so that he can have it in his head that he isn't to blame for any of this. 'You know Piccolo, my father once said to me, -she starts with an impersonation of his voice- 'Chi-Chi, if that man ever makes you cry, you come right back to me, and I will take care of you.' Goku _did_ make me cry. He made me cry so many times and my father was always there to dry my tears, but he never once asked me to come back with him…'

She never told her father, but she always valued that he never asked her to come back with him to the castle, no matter how many times Goku died or left. Although, had her father asked her to come with him, she wouldn't have gone with him, except maybe this last time. This time is different.

'Out of my own free will,' she continues to tell him, 'I always made the choice to stay. So please know that I didn't leave Goku, because I can't continue to stay, Piccolo. I _can_ stay. I could've continued to stay there like I always did. I left because he _can't_ stay.'

And that's the truth. For no other thing would she consider leaving Goku. The love that she has for him is a patient inexplicable thing, something that doesn't hold grudges or even just disappear like that. But the truth of the matter is, she's reached an age in her life where living in hope will do her more harm than good. At forty-three, she can't allow herself to wither away in hope, when she could be doing something useful and productive with herself.

She shifts her eyes back to focus on Piccolo, and for a second, he seems to understand what she said, only to have that look replaced by a frightened look and enlarged eyes as he blurts out a shocked, 'Goten!'

By the time Chi-Chi snaps back to see if her son is really there, her heart has leapt out of place and Goten is already heading a way from them.

'Oh no,' she laments with panic. 'I don't know how much he heard, but I have to go after him,' she says, immediately starting off after him.

There's a reason that she only spoke to Gohan about leaving Goku and not Goten. She knew that her youngest son wouldn't take it well, not when after all, he idolised the portrait of their perfect family during the years after Majin Buu. She needs to catch up with him.

All but running in her elegant dress, she finally catches up with Goten who's tugging on his absent-faced father's suit jacket. Lazily, Goku turns to Goten.

'Are you and Mom getting a divorce, Dad?' he asks, tears audible in his voice.

Oh boy... Chi-Chi can only imagine the kind of feelings that must be going through Goten's mind right now. It just then sinks in for Goku that something went wrong, so he looks at her with silent panic on his face, silently asking her what he should do.

'Goten, please listen to me,' she attempts to calm him down, but he wrenches himself free of her.

'It's true, isn't it?' Goten takes Goku's silence for a yes. 'You guys are getting divorced!' Like he's begging for mercy, he cries out, 'Mom! Tell me the truth!'

Like flies to decaying flesh, a flock of people suddenly gather around Goten and Goku to hear what Goten's talking about. She hates that they've attracted a crowd, and much more that Goku's just standing there, doing nothing to diffuse the situation. He's so good at disappearing at times when he's not supposed to, so why doesn't he grab their son and disappear into thin air, to keep their family affair a secret from the rest of the world?!

'It's not like that, Goten, you don't understand,' she tries once again.

She doesn't dare to lay her hand on him again, lest he cause a bigger scene, or heaven forbid he bursts into tears like he used to do when he was a child and something upset him. Although she's not happy to be dealing with this in the open air, she's more concerned about her son's breaking heart, bleeding to have a definite answer.

Unwilling to listen to her, he turns to his father. 'Dad, say something. You and Mom are really getting divorced? I heard her telling Piccolo that she's leaving you. I'm not a baby, I know what that means.'

'It's…' Goku sighs defeatedly, looking at Chi-Chi with a broken face. 'She's…'

'I knew it!' Goten screams at the top of his lungs, his hair fractionally turning blonde before he storms off at top speed.

In his wake, in the aftermath, feels what was left of the cords holding her together come undone, while the ground her feet are standing on starts to crumble. Tired, lost and humiliated even, she looks around them and sees people looking at her with shocked expressions on their faces. From her viewpoint, stemming from her internal conflict, it looks to her like they are judging her with their stares. Unable to think of anything else, she flees from there.

* * *

Chapter 12, **Leave Out All The Rest.**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12, **Leave Out All The Rest**.

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For a long minute, Goku can only remain still with his head hung down as though he is standing right in the middle of shame and there is nothing in the world that he can do about it. Not only that, but he also can't even begin to catch his mind up with what just happened. He can't do anything but stand where he is, with his head hung low, and the dull beat of his heart sounding in his ears.

Thud… thud… thud… is all that he can hear in his ears.

It's the strangest thing for him, to feel like this. He's sure that if he tries to think back to his past, he won't find a memory where he felt completely numbed by the shame that he felt. It feels like being stuck in place with no windows and no doors, and yet so exposed that nothing is hidden for the world to see. Because he's never been in a situation where he felt so actively included, and yet _very_ helpless, he doesn't know how to appropriately react. He can only stand there with the sound of his heart as the only certainty that he has.

Thud… thud… thud… his heart continues to beat.

Chi-Chi… Goten… everything just seemed to fall out of place and he'd just been there standing unable to do anything, unable to form the right words to say. His mind saw the whole thing unfolding before him, and it even understood that he couldn't allow for that to happen in front of everyone, but somehow, his mind couldn't pull itself together enough to make him react to stop all of it. Until now.

Until now, his mind couldn't pull itself together, but prompted by an external factor, his mind gathers itself together to catch up.

Before he slowly lifts his head–as though he's using the last bit of strength's granted to him by grace- to find out what happened, before his watering-from-the-pain eyes, find all of his friends looking at him with bewildered expressions on their faces, and before he sees a livid Vegeta glaring at him with a flushed face and flaring nostrils, he feels one of the most bruising punches hit him squarely in his stomach, sending him jumping back a few steps to escape another surprise attack.

With his hands clutching his stomach, and his eyes now set on Vegeta who's looking ready to murder him with his bare hands, Goku nearly feels like he's going to start crying. For one thing, there's the Chi-Chi and Goten thing that he has yet to internally address, and for another, his own feelings of shame and embarrassment, added onto the unwarranted pain that just struck his stomach, he can nearly feel the water in his eyes transforming into something more from the soul, rather than physical pain.

'Veg-' he starts to breathe out, when Vegeta lets out a low sound that sounds like an infuriated growl and then disappears from the crowd so fast, that anyone would think that he can instantly transmit as well.

He doesn't understand, Goku manages to think amidst all that he's feeling externally and internally. Did Vegeta just hit him? Because it hurts like hell, and he can still feel the effect physically resonating in his lower gut. Why did Vegeta suddenly hit him without a warning?

He returns his eyes to his friends to see if they can help him out with the Vegeta attack, but again, he finds that all of his friends are looking at him with shocked expressions. The only difference now, is that when his eyes specifically land on Bulma, he notices that she looks the most annoyed of all of them.

'Goku!' she angrily shouts when their eyes make contact. 'Don't just stand there!'

What is with her and Vegeta, Goku wonders with thick concrete around his throat, what did he do to them? Why are they _so_ angry with him? What did he do?

He can only stare at Bulma blankly, because one, he feels like everything is going too fast for him to catch up on, and two, he just wants to breakdown. Not just from the pain that Vegeta caused, also because he feels so unabashedly exposed that… That he's tearing up inside simultaneously, while his friends are looking at him as if they don't recognise he person that he is, isn't helping the matter either. All of it, including Bulma's anger and Vegeta's well… whatever it is that Vegeta's thinking… all of it just makes him want to breakdown and growl out with a roar to express it all.

'What-?' he barely manages to make his mouth begin to ask Bulma what she means, when a sharp sting arises on his cheek.

She slapped him, he realises after a second. Although he saw Bulma step forwards to him while he was trying to figure the situation out, he didn't pay attention to it. Maybe he would've been able to duck away from her slap.

'Don't just stand there, Goku!' she repeats in an angry hiss, her eyes blazing more than all the fire in the world.

For a second time, with the help of the sharp contact on his body, change happens for him, just like it did when Vegeta punched him in the stomach. True, he doesn't understand what Bulma and Vegeta are upset about, but he suddenly knows that he _has to do something_. He can't just stand here as Bulma said.

Chi-Chi and Goten both took off, more than upset and only now, he realises that he can't just stand around blankly. He has to find Goten, he decides right there. He would like Chi-Chi to be his first stop, but with the way he can't command himself to snap himself together, if he goes to find her, he might just upset her more, and he really can't afford that. And even if he could afford it, he doesn't want to upset her more with his insistence.

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 **26Chapters**

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Goku doesn't know what he expected to find Goten doing, but it sure wasn't what's in front of him now. His own feelings aside, it tears his heart to see his boy sitting on a cliff with his legs hanging down and his eyes staring out into the distance like he's waiting to see a distant light. A distant hope that will change things… somehow.

'Goten?' he tentatively calls.

For his part, Goten neither looks his way nor answers his call. A part of Goku understands what Goten's going through, and how he must be feeling, because he and Goten are alike in so many ways, but overall, he can't say that he knows anything about how Goten feels. Not only that, he can't say that he knows anything.

Hovering in the air in front of his son, Goku can't say that he knows anything at all, not even what to say to his son; not as a father, not as a person, because he's actually at a loss as to what to do now. He should be able to know, he should be able to do better, but he honestly doesn't.

'Goten,' he tries again.

Maybe this time, he attempts to convince himself, he'll think of something to say to his youngest son. Something will fix his son, but the problem is, his mind is coming up empty, almost make him shout out in frustration at what he's not capable of.

He doesn't like this. Not earlier with Chi-Chi, or with Goten, not with Vegeta and then Bulma and definitely _not now_. It's almost as frustrating as it is heartbreaking that he's so helpless in all of this, that he feels so useless and so cut open.

Where did he go wrong? Where did he go wrong today that he became like this without his notice? How did these things manage to creep into him, without consulting him and making him aware that they were going to be friendly with him for a while? Where did he not pay attention that he's here now?

He begins to call for his son's attention again, 'Goten-' when a softly testing voice stops him.

'Dad.'

Because he's looking straight at Goten, he knows that it's not him calling him, and being in his current state, he momentarily forgets that he has another son. However, he swiftly looks to his left to see who spoke that single word. When he doesn't find anyone on his left, he switches to his right and there he finds Gohan with a worried expression on his face. The only relief that Goku can take from Gohan, is that _he_ doesn't look upset. At least one of them is not upset.

'Gohan,' he breathes out in slight relief, but also to say that he still doesn't know what to say.

'Dad, are _you_ okay?' Gohan asks.

The concerned frown on Gohan's face brings him so much closer to resembling his mother, that Goku feels almost like Chi-Chi is looking at him and asking if he is okay. Gohan has no way of knowing that he's so much like Chi-Chi in this moment, Goku thinks, Gohan has no idea how much it tugs on his heartstrings to see Chi-Chi reflected on his face, bringing him that much closer to feeling like breaking down.

'Dad,' Gohan calls for him again, 'are you okay?'

How does he answer that question, Goku wonders, keeping his eyes on his son's face, while really seeing his wife's perfect concerning displayed for him. He doesn't know if he is okay, and even if he was okay, he still wouldn't be okay because he made both Chi-Chi and Goten upset.

'Goten…' Goku gestures to his other son, unable to say more.

In his life, he's always been quick to pick up on his feelings and decide what to do to make them go away, but this time is different. It's extremely different and new, that he wouldn't have an answer for anyone who asked him to tell them how he feels.

'I'll talk to him,' Gohan soberly assures him, coming to place himself between them.

'But…' he tries to protest, because in a way, he's responsible for Goten feeling like that.

Had he not tried to push Chi-Chi to talk, maybe none of this would've happened. His and Chi-Chi's private affairs wouldn't have been aired out in open for the whole city to hear, and neither his wife and son would've taken off like they did.

'I know about you and Mom,' Gohan tells him, 'so I can talk to Goten. You should go and talk to Mom, Dad.'

'I can't,' he honestly replies.

He made a promise that he wouldn't try to persuade Chi-Chi even more. Yes, this morning when he took her the Dragon Balls, and later on throughout her whole speech and afterwards, he fell out of his promise, but just because he fell once, it doesn't mean that he has to stay where he fell. A promise is a promise and he has to keep it, no matter how much he wants to forget it all.

'Dad,' Gohan cries passionately, looking ready to give up. 'Did you even see how she looked when she ran out? I know Mom, Dad, and without Grandpa here anymore, she just…' Gohan ends with a sigh.

Wow, that's a striking blow, Goku thinks, involuntarily moving back as though something invisible touched him. It's as though Gohan just rubbed it in his face that he knows Chi-Chi better than him, Chi-Chi's husband. And that sigh, Gohan's ending sigh made it seem like he felt like he was fighting a battle that he already lost from the start. While he does know that Gohan didn't mean it like that, he still feels accused that he doesn't know his wife.

And it's not a good feeling. It's not a good feeling in the least bit.

Maybe Gohan has a point, he continues to think, since he doesn't know what he should do or say to Goten, going to see Chi-Chi might the better thing to do. Even if it's just to apologise, he probably needs to see her.

'Okay,' he nods as a sign of accepting the advice that he was just given, adding a sincere, 'Thank you,' to Gohan, mostly referring to the help with Goten.

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 **26Chapters**

* * *

He's felt shame. He's felt numb. He's felt uselessly helpless. He's been slapped. He's been punched. He's been ignored. He's been looked at like he doesn't matter, and he took all of it, but all he wants to do now, is see his wife. He just wants to see his wife, and it has nothing to do with what Gohan said to him as a form of advice.

After an hour of flying around aimlessly, in order to get himself together enough to show up where Chi-Chi and look at her in the face, he's come to the conclusion in the end, he needs to see her, if only for a minute. He believes, deep in his heart, that if he just sees her one last time, he'll be all right to regain himself.

It's not even the end of the day yet, but he feels like he's lived through two rough weeks in the two hours since the coronation ceremony. He feels drained beyond anything that he's ever felt, and his heart just tells him that seeing his wife will do something good to him. Also, he needs to tell her something. Which is why he's here, at her bedroom, waiting for his knock to be answered.

He's not sure that she'll open the door for him, but with all of his heart, he hopes that she does. He hopes that she can find it in her heart to open the door for him and he can see her face, even just for a second before slamming it shut in his face if she has to. He can easily just appear in her bedroom like he's always done, but he wants her to have the choice this time. He wants her to either accept him or reject him, because in all honesty, he doesn't feel like he deserves anything from her.

'Chi-Chi,' he says in a breaking voice, pressing his forehead against the door, 'it's me.'

He feels like he's been waiting too long for a response from inside the room, and for every second that he lingers outside the door, feels like an elongated attack on his heart. Waiting for the person you love without knowing what will happen, he realises, is a painful thing.

'Please let me in,' he pleads, crying out from the part of his heart that finds pain in waiting.

Almost immediately following his plea, the door slowly opens, causing his head to fall into the open space created by the now open door. At first, when he rectifies himself and lifts his face, and his eyes fall straight in the centre of her face, her sudden appearance is something that his mind fails to process completely. For those first few seconds, he sees her, he sees her face, but he doesn't take her in.

But then, she calls his name once, probably to get him to focus, getting him to really look at her, his mind swears that no one has ever pronounced his name with such need in all his life. Concurrently, as he takes her in, he feels both his jaw and his heart clench. His jaw clenches, because he feels an automatic need to succumb to that feeling to breakdown from earlier, and that's the only sensor that he can provide himself with, to keep it from happening. He has no right to breakdown in front of her like he feels like doing.

But his heart, his heart clenches for an entirely different reason.

His heart clenches, because now that he's finally giving attention to her face, he sees stretching pain inside her eyes. None of the brave fire that always shines in her face, is showing on her face, and not even a glimmer of the uncertainty that he's been seeing in her eyes the last few days, is anywhere to be seen. That he's the reason for that, makes his heart contract painfully.

'I know that me being near you makes it harder for you, but Chi-Chi…' he tries to explain, only to realise that he can't give her a real explanation.

He wants her to know that he's not doing this on purpose, and that he doesn't want to hurt her like he seems to have done effortlessly, however, he can't decide where to begin telling her all that. He wants her to know that he only came to see her, in the hope that she would remedy him where nothing else could, but instead, seeing her only added to his own inner disruption.

And it's only getting worse with every blink that his eyes make.

'No, Goku,' she says, pulling him into the room and closing the door behind him. 'I was wrong. What I want, is only hurting all of us, and that's not fair. You, Gohan and Goten shouldn't have to suffer because of me.'

Chi-Chi, he softly considers her, his beloved wife… He promised himself to fight for her and go where she would go… He also realised that he has to let her go, because staying with him makes her hurt more, but…

'I'm sorry for all these days,' she continues, keeping her hand on the door handle. 'I'm sorry for thinking that it was okay to leave our marriage behind.'

That part, the part of her leaving him, is something that his heart can't bear to hear, even if it's inside an apology. Also, it's that her apologies, for some reason, feels like a sword through his heart at the same time, and he doesn't know how much more he can take. Not when he already feels like this…

'Chi-Chi...' he tries to get her to stop apologising.

He didn't come here to make her apologise. The truth is, he didn't even come to talk to her like Gohan asked him to do. He only came because he wanted to see her. Between desperately wanting her since he brought her the Dragon Balls, and then severely desiring her when she stood on the balcony for everyone to see, to feeling ashamed and later useless, he honestly believed that seeing her would make it all better.

Only to find that it makes it worse. Seeing her, that is, and only now, he's beginning to truly understand what she meant when she said that him being near her, only made it worse.

From the corner of his eye, he sees her lift her hand off the handle, and then feels it touch the side of his face, to be shortly joined by its partner after a short second.

'I don't want to hurt you anymore, Goku,' she whispers, closing her eyes as she does.

Just from the way her eyes close as if to say that it costs her a lot to say what she said, he can tell without a doubt that she can't say any more, so he does the only thing that he can do, which is to step closely into her and embrace her. Even though she doesn't resist being in his arms, his heart sinks at the observation that she doesn't hold him back.

'I don't want to hurt you either, Chi-Chi,' he tells her, hoping that she accepts his promise and then holds him back like he wants her to.

Just then, she starts quietly sobbing in his arms, and he instantly pulls her away from his embrace before he recognises that his soul prompted him to act that way. Only then, does he think to remember that he doesn't like the sound of her crying. When she cries, this funny thing inside of him makes him want to tear himself up from inside to out.

'Please stop crying, Chi-Chi,' he chokes on his own voice from the rowdy emotions inside.

He gently places his hands on the sides of her neck to make her look at him in the eyes. Where he thought it would get her to stop, she rather turns her sobs into a long cry as though to say that she is in severe physical pain. But then, she takes him by complete surprise when she winds her arms around his neck, plants her lips on his and then suddenly begins kissing him. Too stunned by surprise, he doesn't think to kiss her back.

Until she pulls him further into her by tightening her arms around his neck.

Taking that as a prompt, although he's not entirely into it, Goku begins to kiss her back and still she continues to cry. In his mind, he doesn't understand how she can do those two things at the same time, kiss him and cry, but then he also feels terrible inside himself, despite now kissing her, so…

Maybe he should pull away, he thinks as he places his arms back around her. Although she's not using urgency to kiss him, he feels her desperation in the kisses, and again he nearly pulls back to ask her what's wrong, but a voice reminds him that he's wanted this all day, and now he has the chance to kiss her…

He decides right there and then to pour all of him into this. He kisses her as deeply as he can before pulling his lips away from hers to begin planting kisses on her face and neck, delivering each new kiss with more softness before, and still she continues to cry.

What more does she want from him, he wonders, what more does she need him to do so that she stops crying?

Releasing her from his arms without breaking his lips away from her, his hands lead him to start working on removing her dress. Her quiet cries accompany every move that his hands make, and more times than not, he finds himself hesitating and thinking to stop it altogether. However, at all those times, the voice reminds him that he's desired her since the morning, and stopping now, would be the word thing that he could, especially taking it into consideration that Chi-Chi initiated this. If he pulls back, it might damage things more than sensor them.

Thinking this, Goku picks her up and then carries her to the bed, laying her down to wait for him while he pries his clothes off himself. He wishes that she would stop shedding tears, but she's looking at him with such desperation that he can overlook her tears.

It's funny, he thinks once his hands reach to complete taking the dress off her, all through her speech, he thought about slowly taking the dress off her, but now that he's doing it, it's nothing like he imagined it would be. It's actually so different, that he can't put it into words. It's not the good kind of different, that makes for good anticipation, neither is it the bad kind of different that produces fear and uncertainty. This difference, is just well... different.

Nonetheless, disregarding that, he makes his hands take their time moving all over her once the dress is off her. His hands treat her like she's made of paper, able to incur a tear with one wrong move, even his kisses become increasingly light as though to not leave a mark that could damage her later on. Her cries have died down, but something else more urgent takes the place of her previous cries.

Like a child afraid to let go, she wraps her legs and arms around him in such a way that for a long moment, he trembles that he's making a mistake. He swears on everything that he holds dear that his heart trembles from the way she clings to him. The way she's clinging onto him, isn't necessarily to urge him on, it's more like that of someone bracing themselves for taking on more than they can carry. She's holding onto him like someone who's afraid accepting, that they're holding on too tightly. He knows exactly like it's like to feel that way, because he felt it once in his life, when he took Cell to King Kai's planet.

Torn between wondering if being with him like this is more painful than not for her, and so badly needing to feel that connection with his wife that only this intimate act between them can bring, he halts. But then she tugs on him to continue and he has no choice but to do as she wants. Only, somehow, he doesn't feel like everything is as it should be. He doesn't feel that this between as as right as it normally would be.

Somehow, even though he knows that this is real, and it's not a trick, it feels to him like... like he's missing to interpret something.

* * *

Chapter 13, **Mistress Of The Burning Light.**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13, **Mistress Of The Burning Light.**

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As Chi-Chi untangles her naked body from her husband's arms and legs, being extremely careful not to make a move that might just wake him, her mind chooses that very moment to mercilessly _emphasise_ how dirty she _is_. Long before now, she already felt that she'd be getting herself dirty, but now, the emphasis is the difference and problem, because it almost makes her want to clutch the sides of her head, to stop her mind from producing thoughts.

She's _so_ dirty.

No, she mentally refuses as she quietly sets her bare feet on the wooden floor, dirty's not an accurate enough word. To think that she feels dirty, is the same as saying that she can easily dust herself off to get rid of the dirt, when that's _not_ the case. No, dirty is definitely not how she feels. What she really feels like is… She begins to search her mind for something harshly irritating, that's she's had the displeasure of dealing with in her household cleaning before, when one particular word surfaces at the top of her mind.

Grime.

That's the word, her mind accepts, simultaneously commanding her head to turn back and see if she somehow managed to wake her sleeping husband when she climbed out of bed. Yes, that's it, she feels like grime; thickly greasy and infectious grime. She feels exactly like the stubborn substances that sometimes stain her pots and stove surfaces.

A pain-filled sigh leaves her mouth, a strong testament of how she feels inside.

Never, not even once in her life, has she felt _so_ filthy like this before, and looking at her husband's sleeping face, is only making it worse. Much worse, because looking at him pronounces her affliction and heightens the staining guilt.

'I'm so sorry, Goku,' she says after pulling in a long breath through her open mouth, but no sound comes from her mouth.

The guilt that she feels, has left her unable to speak even the words that she means from the depths of her heart, and even more forces her to turn her eyes away from him, pressing her eyelids for a good measure of reinforcement. She feels so extremely grimy, her head resounds as a hard swallow pushes down her throat. Also from the base of her throat, an unpleasant burning sensation travels upwards, making the beginnings of tears come to form in her eyes.

Oh, another long and pained sigh comes from her mouth. She can't believe that it has really come to this; after more than two decades of marriage, it has really come to this. That it has come to her deceiving her husband like she did and will continue to do.

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 **26Chapters**

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Two hours later, when she enters the kitchen to find her guide, Willow, seated at the tall island table in the centre, Chi-Chi feels dirtier than before she took a shower. It becomes clear to her now, that all her lengthy shower did, was wash away the invisible marks that Goku's softness (as he made love to her) left on her skin, nothing more. The shower removed every print of passion that he planted on her body, and every trace of love that he wrote on her, but it didn't wash away the guilt like she hoped it would, and it definitely didn't do anything to cleanse her mind of her final decision, like a big part of her wanted to happen.

It's apparent now, that she has to live with the choice that she made, and so, she will continue for as long as she lives, to feel as grimy as she does now. No matter how many smiles she shines on her face, and no matter how many times she recites pleasing words to those who she means to recite them to, she will still remain covered by the thick greasy layer of grime that's like a second skin to her now, because that is the path that she's chosen for herself.

She only wishes that it wasn't like this, that it didn't have to be like this, but Goku gave her no choice. It's not that she's blaming this, her choice on him, because she's not. It's only that, well, if Goku hadn't been insisting and pushing, she would have made this dirty choice in the first place. But, what's done is done, and there's no way around it now. She has to lie in the bed that she made; uncomfortable or not, and this kitchen, is the second step in her newly made decision.

'Willow, did everyone leave?' she asks as she walks into the kitchen to him.

Being who he is to her, as he nods his 'Yes,' Willow urgently gets up from his seat, making to start walking to meet her, but she holds up her hand to stop him from doing that.

'It's okay,' she tells him softly. 'What about Goten?'

Her poor baby, she can't even begin to imagine what he must be thinking or doing at the moment. The wiser thing would've been for her to run after him and explain things to him clearly, however, when she looked at the people around her, and how judged she felt, for the first time in her life, she thought of protecting herself, before anyone else in her family.

While she does trust that Goten won't do anything stupid, it still breaks her heart to know that she caused her baby that _amount_ of pain that he took off running, as a Super Saiyan, no less. She would really like to sit down and have a proper talk with him, but that will have to wait until he returns home. Her motherly understanding, knows that Goten's old enough to want space to himself for a while, and eventually, when he's ready, he'll come back and she will talk to him _then_. At the moment, she better than anyone knows that it's the worst thing to pull someone when they're trying to push away.

Willow slowly shakes his head, 'Neither Gohan, nor Goten have returned. Would you like me to send someone out to look for them?'

Someone to look for her sons? There's a first. Not even when they toddlers has she ever had anyone out to look for them if they strayed too far away from the house. They always come back, no matter how angry they got.

'No, thank you,' she answers and then takes a seat across him, her back to the entrance.

'All right,' he says, studying her face carefully.

Willow, she's known for the longest time. From the time that her father became king, Willow has always been there. He's a good man, with a good heart, except, he rarely voices what his feelings are. Seeing the way he's carefully looking at her now, and remembering that he usually doesn't insert his opinion into conversations, even with prompting, she breaks under his stare.

'I'm not a bad person, Willow,' she hears herself verbally succumbing.

It's unintentional, but she realises that guilt has a way of making you feel like everyone can see through you and knows all your secrets, that you can't help it feel the automatic need to explain yourself when a certain is look given.

'I only wanted to…' she continues, her eyes set on his, except that she suddenly can't find the words to complete her sentence with, so she starts another one instead. 'I'm really not a bad person, Willow. My father _knew_ that, and Gohan knows it too, but I've never been sure if everyone else knows that.'

The truth is, she hasn't particularly gone through her life wondering what it is that people think of her, or how they see her as a person, because as long as she had her family, and she took care of them as was her duty, that was enough for her. There have been times when a few stray thoughts plagued her and she wondered, but overall, she's never really been interested in knowing what people think of her. It's only earlier today, that she felt the most judged, and it's only now, that she feels the dire need to defend herself.

'I especially mean Goku's friends,' she makes known her pain from earlier. 'I know that they make jokes about me, but they don't know me. They don't know that I'm not a crazy woman who only thinks about herself.'

'We know you're not, Chi-Chi,' a female voice says from behind her.

For a second after hearing the voice, her heart jumps out and she wildly looks at Willow to explain what is going on. He did after all tell her that everyone left, so he should have to answer for this new voice that just spoke. Simply because she can, she doesn't turn around to find out who it is, she rather waits on Willow to tell her.

'Ms. Briefs,' Willow informs her, duly rising from his seat.

Oh, her heart falls, it's Bulma. _This_ is not what she needs right now.

'Bulma,' she acknowledges with a long sigh.

Although she'd jumped out of her skin for a second when the voice sounded, when she turns around to meet Bulma's face, there's nothing like shame within her, for being caught in the middle of talking about Goku's friends. Had she been speaking from a source of lies, she would've been embarrassed to even turn and face Bulma.

'Excuse me,' Willow bows to her, giving her just the slightest hint of an encouraging smile.

Because she feels like Willow meant to tell her to remain strong with his smile, she faintly returns his smile, but her heart is not in it. It's true that she'd been in the middle of telling Willow how much of a bad person she's not, however, the truth is that she _is_ one. She's chosen to become a bad person since she allowed Goku to talk to her, and that makes her a bad person in any case, and for that, her smile to Willow, cannot come from her heart.

'Can we talk about Goku?' Bulma gets right to the point, while Willow makes his way out of the kitchen and she walks in, coming to occupy the seat that Willow had been sitting in.

'I don't want to hear judgment, Bulma,' Chi-Chi quietly tries to cut that conversation off before it's gets roots. 'I've had the longest ten days, and you can't even begin to imagine how I feel at the moment, so I really can't deal with judgment from you.'

'Judgment?' Bulma asks in way that suggests that she hadn't even been thinking of the word.

Chi-Chi cannot be fooled, though, she knows Bulma very well. They may not be the best of friends, but she's come to know Goku's friend, extremely well. If push ever came to shove, there's no doubt which side Bulma would take.

'I saw the way all of you were looking at me,' she explains in a tired tone.

She really doesn't want to do this with Bulma. She feels horrible enough as it is, sickened by herself even, so judgment is the absolute last thing that she needs.

'Because we were surprised,' Bulma cries as if Chi-Chi desperately needs to understand that. 'Chi-Chi, none of us ever thought that you would leave Goku.'

Pulling a face, Chi-Chi flatly asks, 'And that isn't some kind of judgment to you?'

She already made it clear that she doesn't want judgement, but apparently Bulma doesn't understand that. How else should she say it, to be understood and then left alone?

'No,' Bulma denies with a shake of the head. 'What I mean is, we were all surprised that you did it. We didn't expect it of you. I mean, if I'm being honest, most of us thought you'd leave him after he left with Uub, but when you stayed, we all assumed that Goku was stuck with you for life.'

So, Chi-Chi involuntarily brings her eyebrows together, if she's interpreting Bulma's words correctly, it's a good kind of surprise that Goku's friends feel? And, hang on, did Bulma just admit that they _do_ talk about her?

'I saw how you had to sit down the day Goku left with Uub,' Bulma softly says, but clearly sympathetically.

It seems to her, as though Bulma's a little nervous to touch on the subject, because it might just rehash the feelings from that particular day. For that, Chi-Chi is a little grateful to the other woman for.

'As a woman,' Bulma continues just as softly as before, 'I just knew that in that moment, you reached the end, and I remember thinking that Goku lost you for good that time. I remember thinking that if I felt that upset and saddened by Goku's sudden decision, then it was so much worse for you as his wife.'

Bulma's right. Oh, that day, Chi-Chi remembers, had been the hardest day for her. From feeling content for watching the Tournament, she plummeted down to feeling like the air in her lungs had been stolen right from within her, and she didn't even get the chance to notice it happen.

She vividly remembers how her bones shook from the marrow to the very tip of her skin, and she found herself struggling to sit down, to evenly digest the fact that her husband _just_ left without talking to her personally. And she still has the memory of the way her heart tore as she opened her mouth to say, 'Not again.' Even remembering it now, she still feels the tingles of those feelings sounding in her body, making her almost decide to change her mind about the decision that she made concerning Goku.

'So,' Bulma continues, 'the thing is, I came here to tell you that I support your decision. If I were in your shoes, I'd do the same to Vegeta. I think Goku has to grow up, and realise that family is more important than anything else in the world. If it takes a divorce to make him learn his lesson the hard way, then so be it, but know that you are not alone.'

Wow, Bulma came here to show her support? Of all the judgement and lectures that she expected, she didn't expect Bulma to tell her that. She's so caught by surprise, that Chi-Chi can't decide on the spot how she feels about it. However, on the subject of divorce, she does have something to say.

'We're not getting divorced,' she flatly tells Bulma.

The problem for her is, even as she lets the last word leave her mouth, an intensely terrible feeling comes over her, making her feel like she's throwing a favour back in Bulma's face. The other woman just gave her her support, and here she is, telling the woman that she has no intention of going through with the one thing that Bulma is supporting her for? This is not how it is supposed to be. This is not who she is supposed to be.

Astonishingly unfazed, Bulma waves the statement away, 'Divorce, separation, whichever. That's what I mean.'

'No, Bulma,' she says, pushing her chair out and then standing from the table, 'we resolved our differences. I'm staying with Goku.'

Lies!

She's lying straight through her teeth and lips. Every word that just came from her mouth is nothing less than a lie, that she wants the world to believe, because the truth is, she and Goku didn't resolve their differences. What happened was, she lured him in, knowing he'd wanted to make love with her from the morning, and then gave him a sincere apology for hurting him, but that's it. While her apology for hurting him and Goten is the only truth that she told him, nothing else about the real issue was discussed between them, and no, they didn't resolve their differences, not in the least bit.

'What?' Bulma gasps, swiftly getting up from her chair.

Looking the other woman straight in the eyes, Chi-Chi answers, 'I'm staying with my family.'

The way she knows Goku, when he awakens, he'll think that all is well is with the world, and that he doesn't have to worry about her leaving him again. Then that will be that; he'll go back to his usual self, forgetting all the drama from the last few days and believing that she won't ever leave him again. Well, she admits, it's true that she won't leave him, but…

'But Chi-Chi,' she protests passionately, 'if you stay with Goku, he'll _never_ learn. Whatever you talked about with him, do you _really_ believe that he's learned through it? Goku has to experience _losing_ you for him to learn. Threatening to leave him for a day and then recanting after seeing his broken face, doesn't do anything to teach him a lesson.'

The infuriated passion in Bulma's features and words, would make one believe that _she's_ the one with a husband that always leaves. It touches Chi-Chi that Bulma actually feels this way and came all the way back to make her support known, but the truth of the matter is, Bulma's never been Goku's wife and she can never truly know what it's like to wear that role.

'I wasn't doing this to teach him a lesson, Bulma,' she starts to explain, her eyes zoning out of Bulma's face. 'I was going to leave for myself, to think about myself for the first time since I was a child. Believe me, Bulma, since the day I met Goku, I spent my days thinking of ways that I could please him when we met again. For my teen years, I excelled in fighting to gain his attention for longer than an afternoon. I read romance novels and excelled in my studies, so that I could be the best wife in the world for him. Everything Bulma, _everything_ that I did since I met him, has been for him, never for me. Leaving him was supposed to be for me, but not to teach him some lesson. That's not who I am.'

She knew that she would look vindictive to at least one person concerning her decision to leave, but that has never had anything to do with it. She didn't want to leave to make Goku pay, she didn't want to leave to make Goku feel what she felt, and she definitely didn't want to leave to teach him a lesson, that would make him run after her and glue him to her side. That is not who she is. Like she told Willow, she's not a bad person, and she never wants to be. It's just that she's not a young woman anymore, she's a matured woman who has reached the age of wanting all the time that she has, to be spent in the company of the one that she loves.

'Chi-Chi, _no_ ,' Bulma insists, 'you _know_ Goku. You know that he'll leave again.'

Bulma _thinks_? Chi-Chi ruefully thinks, letting out a short humourless laugh to say, 'I know. I know that he'll leave one day.'

There's no other constant in her head, than the fact that he'll up and leave again one day. It may take as long as it does, but one day, Goku'll get up and he'll leave her again. No one knows that better than she does, and no one has ever had to suffer through that, the way that she has.

Her decision to stay with him, is not a case of living happily in the now and hoping for the best later on, no. She knows what she's chosen, and the reality of that, is that he'll leave. It's not that she's not expecting the worst by accepting that he'll leave one day, it's only that she just knows that one day, he _will_ leave; and she's convinced that that day, will be the last day that she breathes.

'Chi-Chi…' Bulma shakes her head sympathetically, 'by staying, you're only hurting yourself.'

At that, Chi-Chi _nearly_ lets out a long laugh. She doesn't allow the laugh out of her, although, if she had, it would've been a laugh loaded with sarcasm and challenge.

So _wha_ t if by staying, she's only hurting herself? If she's going to die when Goku eventually leaves anyway, what's the point of sheltering herself from pain while she's waitingto die? What's the point of protecting herself from minor harm, when she's only clearly waiting for the ultimate harm of death? Also, why should she not hurt herself when she's as grimy as she is, for deceiving her unsuspecting husband? For making him believe the lies that she wants him to believe?

Of course, all that, she can't say to Bulma. She's already said more than she should've, she shouldn't have revealed her plan, and if Bulma didn't show up pledging support to her, she wouldn't have said as much as she did. And to keep herself from saying more than she ought to, Chi-Chi decides that their conversation has come to an end.

'Bulma,' she smiles, fakely so, 'thank you for coming by, but I'd like to start dinner for my family now.'

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 **26Chapters**

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By the way that Goku comes in the kitchen stretching his arms high above him and yawning, she knows that he's slept wonderfully, and for that, she's glad. It makes her heart feel better to know that he's not hurting anymore, but it just as evenly makes her grimy skin glow more with guilt. She didn't believe it was possible to feel even worse than when she snuck out of bed to wash herself clean of his prints (in an attempt to lessen her guilt), but clearly she was mistaken, because seeing him content like he is, is an abyss-like kind of worst.

'Hmm,' he whiffs in the smell wafting around in the kitchen. 'It smells great in here, Chi-Chi.'

It's his happy smile, it's his lazy movements in the kitchen, and it's the definitely the careless way he's dressed only in his underwear, that makes her heart tremble. That stupidly unaware man dressed only in his underwear and a happy smile on his face, clearly telling the world that he doesn't have a worry, is the very same man that she's choosing to deceive, the very man that she lied to. How can her heart not tremble in fear?

'Dinner,' she quietly tells him, barely regaining herself in time.

Is this really who she's become, she questions herself as her husband happily moves to take a seat, did she really become a mistress while she's married? Has she really become a liar, feeding her husband lies, so that she can live in secret in her mind, heart and soul? Is she really following the burning light of deception, believing that she can fake her way through living with him until what she expects comes to pass? Is that really who she is, now, a woman having an affair with deception behind her husband's back and making him believe her deception?

'Wow, thanks Chi-Chi,' he tells her even before he sees the food, 'I haven't eaten anything since I came.'

When he sits across from where she is, he flashes her a classic smile that has her heart trembling all over again. It trembles so much so, that she sharply pulls in a long gasp and turns her body away from him.

'You're welcome,' she whispers with her back turned.

Bulma's words of only hurting herself by choosing to stay with Goku, sound over and over in her head, urging the trembling of her heart on.

Suddenly, taken by sheer surprise, she feels an arm come around her front and a hand come to rest just below her neck, just as a hard body presses into her from behind. Immediately knowing that it's Goku, she tenses and holds in a breath, to keep her heart in check, so that it doesn't burst.

'Thank you,' reaches her ears like a stealthy breeze of air.

She thought that she could do it, she thought that she could fake her way through living with Goku and keep her heart at distance, so that she doesn't get attached to him. She thought that she would be able to share laughs with him, talk to him and treat him well, all the while maintaining her heart detached from her actions, in preparation for the day that he leaves, but…

Here he is, with his arm and hand around her, sincerely telling how thankful he is that she chose to stay with him after all, and she suddenly has no idea if that will ever be possible. And the problem with that outcome is, if she doesn't manage to detach herself from Goku, when he does eventually leave, it will tear her into several pieces like never before.

What in the world is she going to do now?

* * *

Chapter 14, **No One's Gonna Love You.**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14, **No One's Gonna Love You.**

* * *

He's in a good mood. He's in a very good mood this morning. He's happy, glowing from last night with Chi-Chi even. He's so happy that he can't keep a happy sway from showing in his walk to the kitchen, where a delicious smell is coming from. Last night, with his wife, had been blissfully wonderful, and yes, he can't stop his body from radiating _that_ happiness.

Hmm, he grins widely as he stretches his arms high above his head, just remembering last night increases his good mood and happiness. It's like he's never felt _this_ content and settled in his life, that all he wants to do, is show it off to the world.

The truth is, his happiness is not entirely about what he did with his wife last night, because he hadn't planned to be with Chi-Chi for the second time last night. He hadn't planned on it, but somehow, between climbing into bed after her, and then pulling her into him for a hug two hours later, he found himself on top of her, smothering her inside with himself, until none of them could breathe properly, and he felt like his heart was shattering into finely crafted love from the effect of it all.

However, that is not the only reason that he's in a good mood and happy this morning. Of course, the memory still sends extreme thrills throughout his entire body, especially remembering how violently she shook underneath him, and how intensely he had to grit his teeth and close his eyes as he followed her lead in reaching the inevitable peak of their tender lovemaking. There's another reason for him being this happy and in a good mood, and it centres around his wife.

He's happy that Chi-Chi's not leaving him anymore. He's happy that things are back to the way they used to be. He's happy that there's a delicious smell is coming from the kitchen, but most of all, he's happy to see his wife, the kingdom's Queen, still at the stove like she used to be back in their own house as he finally makes his entrance in the kitchen. One would think that since becoming Queen, she wouldn't do something that her servants can easily take care of for her, but no, not his wife. Queen or not, she's who she is, and that's another thing to be happy about.

'Morning, Chi-Chi,' he says just to get her attention.

Of course, he'd like to greet her and share in his good mood with her, but he's mostly calling for her, to get her attention directed towards him, instead of the stove that she's currently busy at.

'Goku,' she softly answers without turning from the stove.

Where she doesn't turn to look at him, three girls (who he didn't pay attention to at first) look his way at the exact same time, and once they see him, all of their faces rapidly change colour to a deep red that only indicates their blushes.

He guesses that since he's in his underwear, they probably don't like to see him like that. Chi-Chi's told him countless times to not act so freely when there are other people in the house, but sometimes, he just doesn't care who sees him. It's not like he has anything different from other people anyway.

'Good morning, King,' all three girls say to him, bowing their heads to show him respect.

At that greeting, before he can even take the second to reply to the girls, Chi-Chi turns from her stove to briefly face him before she looks at the girls and then starts heartily laughing.

'King?' she asks through her laughter.

He doesn't understand. What is she laughing about? Did the girls say something wrong by calling him King?

Pulling a confused frown, he asks, 'What?'

'It's just, Goku,' she starts after her laughter dies down, 'you're a king by virtue of being my husband, but I know that's not really the kind of adventure that you're looking for.'

He doesn't know, something about the way she said that last part, about it not being his kind of adventure, just doesn't seem right to him. Exactly like he felt yesterday in the afternoon when he came to find her in the room, he feels like he's missing something important. And the nagging thing about feeling that he's missing something important, it's that it seems like Chi-Chi's saying that he can't be a king by her side, like she expects the worst from him. And to be honest, that suddenly makes him feel… well, it makes him feel something.

'But I _am_ a king now, aren't I?' he asks her for clarity, the frown on his face now being for an entirely opposite reason than confusion.

'Yes, you are…' she slants her head to the side just a little bit, as though to say that she's considering something. 'But never mind that now,' she says. 'Get dressed for breakfast, and then you need to find Goten, because he hasn't come here yet.'

He would've liked to press the issue of what she means by saying that he's not fit to be a king –in not so many words- but a sour feeling, quickly turning bitter, just rises in him, completely drowning his good mood and happiness, that he doesn't even feel like breakfast anymore. He would've even liked to sit down with her and have a meal, but he decides that no, he doesn't feel at all like she wants him anyway, and so he leaves the kitchen.

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 **26Chapters**

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Whether his instincts, or his thoughts led him here to Vegeta, he can't be sure of, except that he is here, and there couldn't be a better time to address yesterday with him.

'What was yesterday about Vegeta?' he asks as he leans on the wall of the training room.

Too fast for him to realise it's going to happen, a hard punch lands right in the centre of his face, causing his to stumble back from the impact. For the first few seconds, he's lost as to what actually happened, but when he starts to lucidly place things into place, and he sees Vegeta looking up at him with a look of disdain on his face, he realises that Vegeta just punched him. Again!

'Hey,' he cries, rubbing a hand over his stinging face.

What's the big idea anway? Vegeta punched him in the stomach yesterday, and then he punches him again today? The last time that he checked, there was nothing wrong between them, so why is Vegeta suddenly taking physical shots at him for no apparent reason?

It seems that in response, Vegeta shoves him against the wall with so much force, that even the wall trembles at the brutal contact. If Goku didn't believe that Vegeta has something against him, this last action, settles it in for him that his Saiyan friend isn't happy with him for some reason.

'You're despicable, Kakarrot,' Vegeta spits out, all the fury sounding in his voice. 'A Saiyan's pride, is _his pride_. If you can't take pride in what you have made, then…'

Vegeta trails off to run his eyes up and down Goku's face. Nothing of his feelings is hidden from his glare, and that suddenly infuriates Goku, that he pushes Vegeta off him. He wouldn't normally do that, but considering that he still feels the pangs of Chi-Chi not wanting him earlier, and Vegeta's senseless attacks, he almost can't control himself enough to keep himself in check.

'Then what?' he rudely asks, 'I'm not fit to be a Saiyan?'

It wouldn't be unlike Vegeta to say something along those lines. Vegeta knows that he's not like the typical Saiyan, and that yes, he's different in their race, so it wouldn't be a surprise if Vegeta says that to him.

Frowning, and then looking at him with digust, or what looks like disgust, Vegeta drops his tone to say, 'Then I'm disappointed in you.'

Oh, Goku feels his stomach try to make its exit out of him, because it dives _that_ deeply down. That's a first from Vegeta, he thinks. That's a _very_ painful first.

The effect of Vegeta's words, instead of making him cower and turn his back to leave, makes him feel attacked. Deep down, Goku knows that he's just trying to cover his pain, but he tells himself that he feels attacked for no reason at all.

'What did I do to _you_?' he angrily wants to know.

'It's what you've done to your woman!' Vegeta yells, and then lowers his voice to command, 'Now get out of my face. You and your purple hair!'

'Why are _you_ so angry?' Goku continues to insist.

He doesn't have anything to do with him and Chi-Chi, and much more, why is _he_ angry? What reason does Vegeta have to be disappointed in him? And why now of all times? Why did he have to choose now to be disappointed in him, of all times? Because man, it's stabbing to know that Vegeta's disappointed in him.

'Get away from me now, Kakarrot!' Vegeta dangerously warns. 'If I have to repeat it, it'll be with an energy shot.'

He wants to try again, he wants to get to the bottom of what's eating Vegeta, but then he hears a voice calling his name and reluctantly, he turns away from Vegeta to face the side the voice is coming from. Apparently, he'd been too heated in his interaction with Vegeta, that he didn't hear the training room door open, neither did he feel Bulma's energy, to alert him of her presence.

'Bulma.'

'Get out of there, Goku,' she weakly tells him from the door.

If it wasn't for the tired look on her face, he wouldn't have readily listened to her. If it wasn't for the sad look in her eyes, he wouldn't have let his feet carry him out of the training room to her. Maybe Vegeta is upset with her too, he takes a little second to think. That sad and tired look, isn't typical of Bulma, but as much as he would normally care to find out what has her like that, right now, he has a more pressing matter to find out.

It's that Vegeta has never, in his whole entire life, been disappointed in him. Vegeta's been a lot of things where he was concerned, but disappointed, is freshly new, and oh-so-scalding that he just has to, has to, get to the bottom of that disappointment. Angry, wounded, jealous, lost and indifferent Vegeta he can deal with, but disappointed Vegeta is whole new level of territory, that even his own saliva feels heavy in his mouth.

'Bulma,' he's desperately says her name, 'what did I _do_ to Vegeta?'

With an air of –Goku dares think- disappointment, Bulma slowly shakes her head, and then pulls the door closed, to possibly avoid Vegeta hearing them talk.

'Goku, you're my friend,' she tiredly starts, 'and Shenron knows how far we've come together, and it's because you're my friend that I'm telling you to _grow up_. Life is not all fights and more fights. Life is what you've made, and you've made a life with a woman who couldn't ever be replaced in your life. Do you know how many women would've killed to marry you? And if they had, do you really believe that they would've stuck by you the way Chi-Chi did? For goodness' sake Goku, no one is going to love you the way that she loves you.'

She said it all at once, not taking a pause, and knowing Bulma the way that he knows her, it's clear that she feels extremely strongly about it.

'I know that,' he answers, referring to the fact that Chi-Chi can't be replaced in his life.

He doesn't care how many women wanted to marry him, or which ones looked at him and imagined their lives with him. He didn't choose anyone else but Chi-Chi, and for that matter, Chi-Chi never chose anyone else but him.

'No, you don't,' Bulma cries as though he just said something physically hurtful, using her left hand to push him on his shoulder. 'You really don't know Goku,' she stresses, 'because if you did, you would've been more considerate. You made that woman love you with everything, and then you left her to be alone, and it wasn't just once.'

He can't believe how deeply Bulma is expressing this. And what's worse, is that unlike Vegeta, she isn't disappointed in him. She doesn't even appear angry with him, it seems to him like she has nothing left to give him, like she's given all she could give and there's nothing left for him to take from her. It's like Bulma is manifesting her description of Chi-Chi. For that, he feels really bad.

'I'm sorry,' he apologises.

If he could rip out his soul to show Bulma his deep regret for making her feel to this point about him, because of him, he would do it in an instant. Maybe if she saw how sorry he is, it would remedy her feelings to something more pleasant, and less constricting and hurtful.

'There's nothing to apologise to _me_ for,' she waves away, 'I'm not your wife, I'm not the one forcing myself to stay by your side, because leaving will hurt you and Goten.'

'What?' he croaks.

As unclear as everything had been, it all seems to be falling into place now. Chi-Chi's attitude, that thing that he felt like he couldn't put his finger on… it all makes sense now. Chi-Chi obviously spoke to Bulma, who in turn spoke to her husband, and now…

Bulma sighs, 'Goku…'

'Bulma please,' he takes her hands in his, 'tell me everything she said to you.'

Bulma tries to tug her hand free, but he doesn't let her as she says, 'Why don't you just go and ask her, because frankly I'm not on your side right now.'

'Please…' he begs with all the need that he feels.

He just doesn't know what he'll do it she refuses to tell him about Chi-Chi, he really doesn't know what he will do.

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 **26Chapters**

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To get back to his wife, he defied every law and concept of speed. To get to right where she is, in a chair, in the far end of the study with Willow and a female servant standing on either side of her, he deliberately disregarded his ability to transmit instantly for flying the old fashioned way, to overthrow the definition of speed as he made his way back to her.

He's out of breath as reaches the door to the study, gasping for what little bit of air he can get into his lungs as he momentarily takes in the two servants on either side of his wife, looking down at the down at a book in her hands, where she's evidently showing them something. He's barely able to breathe, but that makes no difference to him, because he's not going to fill his lungs with sufficient air to start speaking.

'Chi-Chi, you lied to me,' he woundedly announces from the door, feeling like a knife just stuck in his stomach.

Even as he speaks, even feeling the painful of pronouncing that his _very_ honest lied to him –something she's never done before- he's already two leaps of steps towards her. The urgency that is boiling within him, can't allow him the chance to solely speak to her from afar, neither can it let him wait until he's close enough to her, to say what he's burning to say.

As he continues to walk in leaps to her, he keeps her in his sight, to watch for a reaction, but in the corners of his eyes, he also sees the two servants straighten up and face his way. While he does know that he shouldn't be talking to her like this, in front of the two servants, he couldn't be bothered to worry about who's present and who isn't. He usually wouldn't dare to dream of an outsider being present during a private moment between him and Chi-Chi, but today, none of that is important to him. And so, when he finally appears in front of her, he almost wants to drop down onto his knees to be level with her in her seat, but something stops him from getting on his knees, and he just stands there in a defeated stance, waiting for her to respond to him.

At the forefront of his heart, as his anguished eyes wait for a reaction from her, he wants, no, he needs to hear her say that no, she didn't like to him. That no, she's never lied to him, and that she will never think to lie to him, because she loves him, and loving him, means that she would _never_ lie to him. He really _needs_ to hear that come from her, more than he wants to see her give him a wounded expression at his accusation.

When she doesn't respond to him, however, when she only lifts her face from her book to look at him and in doing so, creates a silence for them, he instantly feels the knife in his stomach dig deeper, past the intestines. In the graceless silence that surrounds them more than the soft morning light that's shining in through the long study windows, her eyes tell him more than her silence does.

 _Say it's not true_ , his heart silently bleeds out, even knowing that it surely won't happen, _just say it's not true, Chi-Chi_.

'Bulma told me that you don't want to be here with me,' he brokenly follows his first wounded accusation.

Maybe, this way, mentioning Bulma will make her say that it's not true. There's still a chance that she didn't actually speak to Bulma, and Bulma fabricated the whole thing to him, for only she knows what purpose.

It's that he needs, with all of his might, to hear her say otherwise, but again, even with this new push of an accusation, she doesn't verbally respond to him. Her only response, is to turn her head to her side, as though to say that his words are burning her facial skin, and she cannot bear to hear them with her face turned towards him.

Her action, almost makes him want to choke out a cry. Why did she do that? Why is she doing this to him.

Moving so that she can look at him, and he her, he pressingly asks, 'Is that _true_ , Chi-Chi?'

Except, just as swiftly as he moves to put himself in line with her vision, she turns her face back to her previous position, making him double back to have her face in her sights. Whether she's trying to dodge his question, or she's simply avoiding looking him in the eyes, he just wants to look at her.

Presumably, from his persistence, she finally speaks her first words into the air.

'Please leave us,' she quietly says.

She didn't look at him directly, and if it wasn't for Willow and the other servant immediately taking flight from her side, he would've thought that the command was for him. Seeing that it wasn't meant for him, instead of breathing out his relief, he moves again to be where he has the perfect view of his wife's face; on his knees before her chair, bracing his arms on either armrest.

'I _said_ ,' he lowly forces, 'is that true?'

'Yes,' she evenly answers as she brings her eyes to his, simultaneously touching his arms to make way for her to rise from her seat.

Unable to resist her silent request, he removes his arms and gets off his knees, taking a small step backwards to make room for her to arise from her chair.

 _So majestic_ , he finds himself involuntarily thinking while watching her, the way she's rising from her seat with such calm and ease, as if she's been doing it all her life, is a different sort of majestic that he's never seen before. He's dined and lived with various kings and gods, but his eyes have never marveled _this_ much at such an act of simplicity.

Just like yesterday, seeing her dressed like that, he didn't know what came over him, but he just… he was in awe, and he felt the need to worship and discover her from beginning to end. He wonders, did Chi-Chi suddenly inherit Shenron-like powers when they ordained her as Queen?

'It's true,' she finishes, reeling him back to the reality that is now.

The reality. The now. This present time, that's destroying him so much, especially now that she's confirmed the one thing that he'd been hoping against. She just confirmed that she lied to him, and on top of that, she just admitted that she doesn't want to be with him.

'But you promised that you wouldn't leave,' hoarsely comes out of his mouth.

He can't believe that they are back to having _this_ conversation again. She can't know, she really can't know how much it wrung him inside to finally understand what she meant by saying that she was leaving him, and then to struggle with that idea...

'I said that I don't want to hurt you anymore,' she calmly corrects him.

He remembers her saying that. He remembers her tone and the way it came out of her mouth, but still, isn't that the same thing as promising him that she wouldn't leave him anymore? Isn't that what she promised him in not so many words? And now she's recanting, like words can't and shouldn't be honoured?

'Chi-Chi, why are you doing this?' he begs to know. 'Why don't you want to be here with me?'

In the beginning, he'd been clueless and naïve about it, because he never had a single nightmare about her leaving him. Throughout his life, he's had several nightmares of her death and illness, but never one where she left him, and thus, in his reality of realities, Chi-Chi leaving him had never ever crossed his mind.

'I'm tired of this, Goku,' is her even answer to him. 'I really am. All this back and forth, all these days. All of it, I'm just _tired_. You didn't want to understand that I can't stay with you, so what was I supposed to do?'

And she just says it in _that_ way, he feels his face drop incredulously, so calmly and evenly, not displaying even a hint of emotion? How can she just stand there and talk to him about their life together in a calm and undisturbed manner like she is?

'You suddenly can't stay?' he questions, daring her to show emotion. 'Since when can't you stay, Chi-Chi? You've always stayed.'

Part of the reason that he didn't easily understand that she wanted to leave him, was because she never _did_ leave him. Whether hell tore open, and furious water consumed the world, or death simply took him, she always stayed. For that reason, he cannot accept this sudden talk of her not being able to stay. In fact, he's starting to get upset over her insistence on something that they spoke about and settled.

'You promised to be with me through everything,' his forming anger provokes him to say. 'You took vows, Chi-Chi. Don't they matter to you? When did you suddenly become _this_ person?'

This person that doesn't want to understand that he can't be without her. It always semed to him, that she knew very well, that she's been the reason for his strength overall. Did she suddenly forget that she's his push in life, that her presence is his constant security for pushing much harder than he would, if he'd been alone and Bulma never found him in the woods? It upsets him that she's willingly pressing to forget secrets that he confessed to her in private, about the real him that he never lets the outside world see.

Chi-Chi, even with several questions out in the air, waiting to be picked to receive answers, still gives him nothing; not through her eyes, not through her posture, and not through her mouth. Well, no, she does continue to give him that same calm air about her, as though aren't engaged in a serious matter, but that is not the reaction that he wants from her. He wants an explanation from her, and he wants to see that she's being grinded up inside in the same way that he is.

' _Answe_ r me,' he demands so harshly, that he feels goosebumps form on his skin.

If she would've jumped back in fear of him, he would've apologised for the harshness of his tone, but evidently, she hasn't forgotten all that he is, that he would never intentionally hurt her, least of all with his words.

'In the months that you were away with Uub,' she responds, only, her evenly calm tone, has dropped to a notch lower. 'That's _when_ I became _this_ person.'

 _Three months_ , he thinks with a condescending laugh, deliberately the jab he felt at her words, _that's_ _when she became this person_. He wonders, is that when she became this newly artificial person too; saying things designed to hurt, but in a pleasant enough way?

'Three months?' he wants to know, holding up three fingers to indicate his disbelief. ' _Chi-Chi_ , you went _seven years_ without me the last time. What's three months compared to seven years?'

For an answer, -and he sees this very carefully- she firstly takes what should be a stealthy step backwards, and then her eyes slant just a little bit at him. _And there_ , he observes, _that's the first reaction of an emotion that he's getting out of her_. She even goes further by closing her eyes and briefly holding a hand over her heart, while she draws in a long breath.

To the trained eye, to his eye, he realises that he's touched a sore place within her, that she had to soothe with those little actions. His alert mind understands what he did, but his heart is way ahead in feeling what it feels, that he can only think to demand for an answer again.

'Chi-Chi!'

His demand robs her of her private soothing moment, he observes again, because she slowly opens her eyes, drops the hand on her chest, and then brings her eyes to stare into his. Much to fueling his anger, he realises that she's resorted to being calm and inexpressive again.

Really, what is Chi-Chi playing at, treating this, treating him with such seemingly nonchalance?

'Goku,' she evenly calls, evenly still following it with, 'do you have any idea what it's like to wake up alone and realise that you had a miscarriage of a baby that you didn't even know you were carrying?'

What is she talking about, he wonders, because in _that_ tone, whatever point she's trying to make, _obviously_ isn't related to her or her feelings. And if she's trying to get him to stop being upset, she won't succeed _that_ way.

'Do you know what's it's like to have your heart break for the poor little thing that you will never get to know, and then spend hours crying before finally picking yourself up to drive to a hospital?' she follows the first question with just as much calm as her previous question.

Could she be talking about herself? No, he mentally shakes his head, she can't be talking about herself. Going by her calm aura, she can't possibly be talking about herself. It just isn't possible that she's talking about herself.

'Do you know what it's like to have a doctor question you about the father's whereabouts, because you're going through the cleaning process alone?' shortly leaves her mouth in equal measure of prose.

But _why_ , his thoughts start to slow down, contrasting the increase in his breaths per second, why is she calm? All of a sudden, it doesn't feel like she's talking outside of herself anymore, but if she's talking about herself, why is she so _calm_ about it? Shouldn't her words be breaking?

'Can you even begin to imagine how hollow it is, to return back home with an aching heart, only to find it _empty_?' she seems to finish.

He doesn't necessarily get it from her tone, because that's as even as it has been, neither does he get it from her expression, because that too, hasn't changed, but somehow, from somewhere, he gets that she's reached the end of her questions. And man…

It's like all of his energy leaves him all at once, leaving not even a speck to allow him neither movement, nor speech.

She really _is_ talking about herself, it intemperately dawns on him. Actually, no, it doesn't dawn on him, the realisation falls on him like he's a gravitational magnet pulling liquid metal to it, and when the metal lands, it doesn't just stick to him, but it pours all over him, covering him with its heavy embrace and rooting him in place.

'Do you know all that, Goku?' she wants to know, a faint smile spreading over her face.

She doesn't mean that smile, he clearly sees. She doesn't want to smile, because there is no life in that smile. There's no emotion in the smile either, but there's no life in that faint smile. That smile on her face, is one that doesn't say more than it does. For that smile, he can't bring himself even to think to answer her, to ask her about _anything_.

'Because I do,' she finishes in a strained whisper that takes with it her faint smile. 'I've lived through it.'

A feeling like no other since the beginning of this day, hits his heavy body, forcibly penetrating to a place that's too vulnerable to be penetrated.

 _That's_ what broke her, he accepts with a lump stuck in his throat.

That ordeal, is what tore his loving wife into shreds. All these stories that she's been feeding him, may be true, but that ordeal, is the push behind all of the others. The other factors alone, she could've continued to handle like she always did, but that last experience, broke and took away the wall, the barrier of strength that she'd had inside her, to keep her rooted to his side through thick times.

He just… 'Chi-Chi…'

He doesn't know where to begin. Does he apologise for a child he never knew? Does he apologise for the fact that she went through all that alone, with no one by her side? Does he apologise for letting them lose that initial brilliance from their first years of marriage? What does he say to her? And even if he does find out what to say to her, how does he say it to her, when he _isn't_ right himself? How can he attempt to fix her, when he is rapidly breaking the way he is.

'I don't want to be with you, Goku,' she sadly shakes away his talking attempt. 'It hurts, but it hurts more to be with you, it really does. You can't understand that,' she swallows and for the first time, profound emotion crosses on her face, dissolving into her voice, making it break with pain as she continues with, 'and I _wish_ to everything sacred that you would, but you _don't_.'

The pain in her voice, the breaking of syllables that sounded as she spoke her last wish, does something so horrible to Goku, that he finds himself desperately needing the comfort and shelter of her arms around him. Because of that, as though roughly pushed by an invisible force, he lands on Chi-Chi, automatically surrounding his arms around her back to hold her as fast to him as he is able to.

For her part, Chi-Chi detectably stiffens in his embrace, and he even believes that she pulls in a breath to hold it in, for protection purposes.

'I'm so sorry, Chi-Chi. For everything,' he delicately whispers.

Whether the words fade into her hair, or they reach her ears, he can't be sure of. All he knows, is that he doesn't feel any better having said the words and holding her to him. If only she would hold him back, that would for sure ease some of his rowdy feeling.

'Don't be,' she chokes out. 'It doesn't change anything. I just want you to go.'

Even if she didn't tell him that, the tremours quaking in her physical body, would give her away. Those tremours give away her brokenness, her weakness, and by Shenron, he feels like dying for it, more than finding a remedy for his untamable feeling.

'I want you to _not_ be part of my life,' she continues, 'because I won't last you leaving one more time, Goku. I swear that I won't.'

No, he internally cries, he can't do that, he can't not be part of her life. He won't survive her leaving him. He just won't.

'Chi-Chi...' is the only word his heart can teach his mouth to say.

'Do you know what hurts the most, Goku?' the question shatters out of her mouth, leaving a long reverberation of shattering in the air around them.

He tries to tighten his arms around her, to shelter her from the shattering, but he can only manage to shake his head as his answer.

'In eight days,' she sniffs, making her body shift against his, 'you acted like your world was going to fall apart when you found out that I was leaving you. You didn't eat, you didn't think of anything else, you only thought about me leaving. You kept insisting and pushing, because you couldn't accept the idea of me leaving.'

'I can't,' he cries out, surprisingly finding the strength to press her even harder against him.

An abrupt sob erupts from her, but it doesn't stop her from asking, 'You can't? But I _can_ , is that it? I'm so strong that I can endure everything, aren't I? My pain, my inabilities and wants, don't matter, do they? I can, but you can't, right?' she ends with a pained whisper.

No, his heart answers, only, it can't make his mouth say it aloud. Silence, is the only answer that he can give her. By telling her that he can't accept her leaving, he hadn't been negating what she's not able to endure. That's not how he means it.

'And that's _why_ I'm never leaving you,' she tells him, the pain in her voice fading. 'I'm not going to make you go through something that you don't want to. You cannot call me a liar for that, Goku.'

The change in her aura, happens immediately after her words. The sadness and pain that had been clothing her, abruptly dies out as if it was never there to begin with, to be replaced by the same evenly calm aura from before.

'Now,' she says after letting out a breath, 'please let me go. I would like to go and bring Goten home.'

Although reluctant, although riddled by emotions too big for him to handle, he automatically finds himself letting her go out of his embrace.

* * *

Chapter 15, **Our Last Days.**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15, **Our Last Days.**

* * *

There are messes that someone creates for themselves, and then that person has no right to blame anyone else for those messes, _but then_ there are messes that life just throws someone's way, leaving them with no choice but to deal with. Those messes, the messes that life tosses someone's way, for only it knows what reason, are the ones that have this immense power to uproot someone, and put them in place that they don't recognise.

In her case, atop her previous emotions, life gave her a mess, and then she just took it.

Of course, she dealt with it, she didn't just take the mess and then left it at that. She _did_ deal with that mess, she really did, _on her own_ , without anyone's help. She dealt, or rather, she's dealing with the mess that life gave her.

Except, _now,_ atop the previous mess, she's created a mess for herself that no one else can fix for her, and more than that, she's infected other people, people that she loves with all of her soul, to be a part of her mess, as they shouldn't be.

One person in particular that she shouldn't have infected into her mess, is her, Goten. She shouldn't have allowed the result of her decision to make this much of a damaging impact on her son. As a responsible mother, she shouldn't have allowed things to get _this_ far, without telling him the truth about her decision to leave. But even so, with everything that she _should've_ done, the end remains that she _didn't_ do it, and because of that, she has to be here, in their home looking to fix things with Goten.

Their home, she thinks sadly, slowly closing the door behind her with perfect gentleness.

Even from the door, she can already tell where dust has accumulated and where there needs to be cleaned, however, as much as she would give her time to dust her home, she's here for a reason, and that reason is Goten; nothing else can get in the way of attending to him first. She stupidly allowed her sadness and embarrassment to take over her yesterday, and then later allowed herself to be consumed with Goku, that she didn't do the motherly thing and go and look for her son after he took off from the party.

Today, right now, she won't allow anything to get in the way of her talking with Goten, because she simply owes it to him. She owes the boy an explanation, at the very least.

That being her thought, she still can't keep herself from wondering, however, what will become of their beloved home. _This_ home that she and Goku formed and founded with love? Is its end really to be left abandoned, when her whole family moves into the castle with her?

As she navigates through the house, heading towards the bedroom with the mission of finding Goten, she can't help it think that she'd like for Gohan and Videl to live with them in the castle too, so considering that, she has still to decide what will happen to their home. Well, not just her, her whole family has to decide what they'll do with this piece of land, and everything on it, especially knowing that Goku adores this place for sentimental reasons.

Oh, she sighs, briefly closing her eyes to digest this, here's another mess that you've allowed to be, Chi-Chi.

She needs to push those thoughts out of the way for now, because harbouring them right at this moment, might just distract her enough to want to compete for half of her attention with Goten. No, she really has to put those thoughts in an archive in her mind. Her focus, should only be Goten.

She knows that he's in this house, because there's no one at Gohan's. The fact is, Goten is much too innocent to do anything rebellious, no matter how badly he feels. If he had gone to see Trunks yesterday, he surely didn't stay there all night, that he would refuse to come back to his own home. Her faith in him, is rewarded, when she reaches hers and Goku's bedroom first and finds it open. Through the open door, she sees that Goten is laying on his back on their bed.

'Goten?' she softly knocks on the door, not to suddenly startle him. 'May I come in?'

To answer her, Goten silently gets off his back, to sit upright in the middle of their bed, with his legs crossed, and then looks right at her at the door. It's only the indication that she needs to know that she has his permission to enter. She's thankful for that, because although she knew that Goten wouldn't hold a grudge against her, she was still a little afraid that he would reject talking to her. She wouldn't have blamed him, had that been the case. As thankful as she feels, she walks over to the bed, taking a seat on the closest spot to her son that she can manage.

'I'm sorry about yesterday,' she softly starts. 'You weren't supposed to hear it that way, and I'm sorry that you did.'

Her poor baby had been _so_ excited about her being a queen, and him and Gohan being princes, only to have the mat swept right up from under his feet, to make him fall into a place that he wasn't prepared for. She should've been more careful when she was talking to Piccolo. She should've been attentive when she left Goku and Goten behind, to find Piccolo, but no, because of her inaction, she managed to put her son in a place that didn't have a landing prepared for him.

'Mom,' he softly whines through a small frown, 'you told _Gohan_. I'm old enough too. I know that I'm not as responsible and mature as Gohan is, but I'm old enough.'

'I know, sweetie,' she accepts what he's saying. 'I told Gohan, because he had to take care of you while I was gone, and also, Gohan is more like me, and you are more like your father.'

The main reason for her confiding in Gohan, was so that he could take care of Goten while she tried to start her life from scratch. She could've easily chosen to take Goten with her, but she didn't want to have to disrupt his life, by making him relocate to another place. The happiness of her boys, has always been important to her, so much so, that even when she didn't fully agree with their love for fighting, she could never really bring herself to hold them back.

Another reason for telling Gohan about Goku, was like she said; that Gohan is more like her. It's funny really, because while Gohan takes more after her, he's more of a daddy's boy than hers, while Goten, who's almost exactly his father's imprint, is greatly attached to her, more than his father. It's interesting how that turned out.

When she thought of telling Gohan, she thought that, Gohan, like her, could easily listen to what she had to say, and even though he whole-heartedly wouldn't agree with it, he would be able to accept it, without making her feel trapped. She was right, in fact, because when she told him eventually, he didn't question her for an explanation, or if the change was permanent, he only said that he trusted her, and that he loved her. It was the loveliest thing that she's ever heard come out of adult Gohan's mouth.

But for now, Goten is staring at her with a sad expression, saying so much with his face, what didn't yet come out of his mouth.

'I can be more like Gohan if you want me to be, I swear Mom,' he earnestly tells her. 'I can be mature and responsible just like him.'

That's the last thing from the truth. Immature and irresponsible, that's not how she sees him, but in this moment, she doesn't necessarily feel that she _has_ to address the issue of his maturity and responsibility, because letting him know something else, is more important.

Shaking her head to show that she disagree with him, she tells him, 'No, be yourself. You and your father, and even Gohan, are perfect as yourselves, I couldn't ask for better boys.'

Her boys couldn't be a version better than they are, and that's the truth. Even Goku, no matter how much she's craved for him to stay more at home, she couldn't ask for a better him, because if she had to change even one strand of hair on his head, it would take away from the person that he wholly is. Despite everything, she wouldn't change her boys, least of Goku.

'Then why are you getting divorced? ' Goten frowns at her. 'I don't understand, Mom.'

Because he's particularly reminding her of Goku like that, she doesn't answer him just yet. Goten must take her silence to mean that she doesn't have the courage to answer that, because he begins to nervously explain himself.

'Trunks says that I have too many feelings, and that I feel too much, but I've always idolised our family for being so close, even when Dad was dead,' he confesses. 'I just thought that we'd be like that forever, and… But if you're getting divorced, then I don't feel so secure about it anymore, I guess.'

'Aww, Goten,' she soothingly wraps her arm around him. 'That's not all, is it?'

That, what Goten is confessing, is part of the reason why she didn't tell him about leaving Goku. Despite all the mischievous things that he gets up to, and how seriously he doesn't seem to take things at times, underneath all that, is an extremely sensitive heart that needs to be handled with care.

'It's also not nice to know that my family is being divided, Mom,' comes his strained reply.

She's glad for that, because she wouldn't like for him to keep his feelings and fear inside, as though he doesn't have people around him, who love him, and support him. It's good that he's choosing to share this with her, more so, since they've always had a great relationship throughout his life.

'I mean,' Goten continues, 'we were so happy when Dad was here. Gohan lived next door, and we were just happy, all the time. I feel like… I was thinking yesterday that I'm kind of being forced to grow up and be on my own. But Mom, I like being part of our family, and I don't want to give it up.'

Hoping to sound as assuring as she can, she lets him know, 'But you wouldn't have to give it up.'

'Yes, I would,' he returns in a whiny cry. 'If Dad lived here, and you lived in the castle, I know you'd want me and Gohan to live with you. I know you, Mom, you'd just die if me and Gohan decided to stay here with Dad, instead of going to live with you.'

She would die, yes, she won't deny that, but not for jealousy. She'd die, because she's always had her two boys with her, and two lose them like that, would be terrible. She can't even imagine the idea of being in that big place, that she long ago left as a child, that place with many servants, but without one single familiar face. She'll have to allow people to clean for her, to cook for her, to do everything for her, and will be something unbearable on its own, but to not have her family there with her, she'd just die.

'Listen, Goten, I'd never want you and Gohan to choose between me and your father. That's not right, and it's much too painful for me to endure everything that it involves.'

For a moment, Goten only looks away from her, to look down at his lap. Even looking away from her like that, she can tell that he's got his mind set to think of something. She can only what he's thinking of, because she can't pinpoint one particular thing that he could be pondering. Whatever is going on his head, can be anything from picturing his family divided, to literally watching his parents getting a divorce. It's best that she doesn't interrupt this moment for him, but rather allow him this time to think as he wants to.

Finally, after what seemed like an hour to her, her son starts to lift his head, turning it at the same time, so that when his head is properly raised, it comes to meet hers.

'Then don't leave,' leaves his mouth in an expectant tone. 'Please Mom. I know it made you sad when Dad left, but I can ask him to stay.'

He's sweet, she thinks, feeling the softest of smiles form on her face. His innocent eyes are shining with the belief that if he simply asks, _that_ will be reason for her not leaving. Oh, her baby. Her heart almost wants to tear apart for him.

Looking at him now, she's suddenly so afraid that one day, someday, a girl will come along and steal that innocence from his eyes. She worries that now that's he's growing older, he'll meet a girl that he really likes, and she'll break his heart, thus taking the light from his life. She doesn't want that to happen to him, not to her precious Goten. His innocence is everything that makes him who he is.

His innocence is everything, she thinks, but here she is, indirectly making to take that same innocence away from him. How they are now, her response to him, can either make him hold fast to his innocence, and keep believing that anything in the world has an immediate fix, or, it can make him lose the security he's always had in his life. And for someone who's always believed and seen that his parents can do anything, especially Goku, when it came to saving the Earth, losing that security, will have a big impact on his life.

'Goten,' she tries a hand at shifting the conversation to a place where she can tell him that she's going to stay with Goku after all, 'do you remember what I told you when we watched that movie about girl who found out that she was adopted?'

The way that he nods, brings back vivid memories of that night to her mind. That movie made him cry so much, and she swears, she feels like Goten's never hugged her harder than he did after that movie. It had apparently been an emotional movie for him, that made him appreciate the family that he has, more.

'Say it to me,' she requests with a small smile to encourage him.

Unlike she didn't expect him to do, Goten pulls an unwilling face as he drawls calling out for her, 'Mom.'

'Goten,' she lovingly drawls his name in turn.

She's well aware that he doesn't want to go back to that night, back to that movie, but there is something important that she needs to remind him of.

'You said that by nature,' he gives in after a small sigh, 'when someone hurts us, when someone doesn't want us, we're quick to wonder what it is that the _we_ did wrong, instead of thinking that maybe, something is wrong with that other person, not us.'

She reaches out to lightly touch his cheek, feeling proud that he's stored that. 'You remember,' she states, to which Goten slowly nods again.

'It's the same here with you and I,' she starts to explain to him. 'I know that I hurt you, but I didn't not tell you, because something is wrong with you. I'm the one with a problem, not you, Goten. Don't ever think that it's you.'

As though waiting, Goten looks at her, perfectly resembling Goku at a crucial moment, when he wants to understand something that he can't easily accept to believe.

'And…' she pauses to take in a breath. 'I'm not leaving your father. So you have nothing to worry about.'

To that revelation, Goten's face lights up with so much luminance, that she can't contain a goofy smile showing on her face.

'You're not?' he asks in positive wonder.

It almost seems like he wants to jump up as high as he can, and embrace her as tightly as he can at the same time. His joy, is so evident on his being.

'No,' she shakes her head. 'I love Goku very much, and I know that he loves me, so never doubt that your parents love each other. It's only that, I have a deep pain inside that's difficult to live with day by day.'

For her, it's much easier to pretend that the little things are the _majority_ problem, than facing the reality of her miscarriage.

Yes, him leaving just so suddenly _did_ hurt her, and keep her awake for at least a week, because in her head, most especially in her heart, she couldn't really come to terms with the fact that she and Goku had spent so much time together, and when he decided to leave, he just did. He didn't pull her to the side to talk privately. He didn't give her a hug goodbye, and he just didn't talk to her, he spoke to all of them. And yes, she did start to evaluate her life and marriage after that, but it was only truly when she found herself alone in bed with stained sheets that...

Really, her biggest fear is that one day she will stop loving him and everything that she has gone through, that she has suffered through until now, would've been for nothing. And the worst part is, Goku hasn't ever seen things from her side of life. Yes, she knew who he who was when they got married, and yes, she's let him get away with his mannerisms as is per his nature, but despite truly loving her as a person, as his only woman, he never adequately took hold of what it is to be in a marriage with her.

'Is it about Grandpa's death?' Goten worriedly asks.

Oh, gosh, yes, her father's death did a number on her too. All her life, she's felt that her father was her best friend, that they could share any and everything. But even he, life took away from her, and outside of Goku (who she told unwillingly), he was the only person that ever knew about her miscarriage, and if it hadn't been for him, she doesn't know where she would be right now.

But, of course, she can't tell all of that to her sensitive-hearted seventeen year-old. As his mother, that shouldn't be something that he has to know, because it will only complicate things further, so he only nods, hoping that he interprets that as her confirmation.

'I miss Grandpa too,' he gently tells her, 'but we're all here for you, Mom. Please know that.'

'I know,' she nods. 'And I'm sorry for hurting you, I really didn't mean to. Will you forgive me and come back with me?'

For a second, it looks like he's about to pull her into him and crush her is, but that second passes, and the euphoric look that had, for a second, been on his face, gives ways to an apprehensive one. Once again, he looks away from her, to down his thighs, and it's the only sign that she needs, to know that he wants to say something, but doesn't want to get the wrong reaction out for talking.

'What is it, Goten?' she gently urges him to say what he needs to say.

'Are you and Dad okay?' sounds in the room in soft mutter.

Whether of the softness of the question, or the uncertain tone in her son's voice, or the sudden firm hand that she feels on her shoulder, she feels her heart stop. She feels her heart actually stop beating.

'Dad's right here, Goten,' the familiar voice of her husband sounds in the room.

His gentle voice, effectively brings the rhythm back to her heart, and makes her eyes lift up to meet his face, just as Goten lifts his head to sound out a wonder-filled, 'Dad?'

Thank goodness, she thinks with relief as Goku's eyes stare back at her, she hadn't been willing to lie to her son about being okay with Goku, when the truth of the matter is, she isn't. How did they not even hear him come in?

Only briefly, Goku turns away from her to look at Goten, saying, 'It's me, Son. I'm going to make sure that your Mom stops hurting, okay?'

Goten, without giving her any indication that he would do so, he moves out of her hold and then leaps into his father's arms. Not even the word euphoria would be enough to describe how Goten jumped into his father's arms, but the truth is, it seems to her –for the small moment that she got a glimpse of her son's face- that it's a combination of gratitude and joy that make Goten jump in, to embrace his father like he is doing.

It's lovely sight, she appreciates, it's such a heartwarming sight to see, and even more so, when she realises that to Goten, all of his world has fallen back into place, and he feels like he has nothing to worry about anymore.

If only it were that simple, she hears herself countering. Goku wants to stop her hurting, but she wonders, would the Dragon Balls be an easier fix instead? Would it be better to use them for her gain, so that her family doesn't ever have to feel the weight of her decisions on their hearts again? She really wonders…

'Goten,' Goku draws back from the hug, to look Goten in the eyes, 'can I talk to your Mom in private?'

'Are you sure Mom's going to be okay?' their son innocently wonders.

'Don't worry, Goten,' Goku assures him. 'Just give us some time to talk.'

Goten carefully nods. 'I guess I should go back to the castle, huh?'

'Please,' she begs him.

Excitedly Goten seems to already be in a different place, than the atmosphere in this room. 'Oh man, I can't wait to move into my new room. I bet it's super big.'

'It is,' she agrees, adding, 'Now go, we'll meet you there.'

'Okay. Bye Mom, bye Dad.'

Goten leaves their bedroom in an excited rush, which Chi-Chi is thankful for. At least one of them in the family feels like himself again. They silently wait until Goten's far away from their house, and _then_ only, Goku goes to close the bedroom door, to give them their privacy.

Dear heavens, she hopes with all of her heart that this will not be a repeat of what happened at the castle.

'You acted like it was nothing, like it isn't important that you lost our baby,' his low voice seems to be trying to make her understand that he understands what she did, 'but I know that it isn't.'

Their baby, her stomach effortlessly drops. He came here to talk to her about their baby... For that, she can only look at him in waiting. In her life, she's learned that the hardest part of something, is waiting and not giving up, but in this case, the waiting isn't the hardest part. The hardest part to her, right now, the unknown that will come out of her husband's mouth.

Will it be words of healing? Words to soothe? Will it be words of comfort and understanding? And after being said, will those words make even a tiny difference for them at all?

'Chi-Chi, I don't know what to say, or what to do,' he mutters, sounding like he wants to cry.

At the same time, he moves further into the room, coming to stand in front of her and then silently takes her hands into his, just to smooth them over and over with his thumbs. Seeing him like this, rips at her heart, making her want to wrap him in a shelter that no one can touch.

'I know that this isn't a consolation and…' he breathes out, apparently feeling for her, being in her shoes, 'it's not what you need, but…' he pauses to breathe again.

Oh dear heavens, what is he going to say, her heart wonders with the rhythm of a thousand drums.

After his short breath, he swallows and then looks at her face, into her eyes. From what she can read on his face, in his eyes, he really doesn't know where to start. Because of that, apparently, he moves to sit beside her, gently letting go of her hands in the process, and carefully reaches for her, to bring her to sit on his thighs. Her legs, he turns to his left side, while his hands, guide her arms to surround his neck, finally bringing her head to rest on his.

'If you know how I feel about you,' he whispers to her, his voice breaking, 'then, I want you to need _that_ right now. It's not much, but it's the little comfort that I can give you.'

He thinks that his love isn't much for her? Here he is, selflessly doing this for her, and he thinks that his love isn't much for her?

She may be the one on top of him, the one putting physical weight on him, but he did it this way, to show her that he _wants_ to share in her loss, in her inadequacy, in everything that she's feeling right now, and not pester with how he _can't_ afford to lose her.

Gosh, she's so tired of shedding tears, and holding onto sadness and pain. Isn't it about time that she allows her burdens to be someone else's too? Isn't it about time that she gives the chance to this man that's trying, and a chance to resolving their problems? Because, gosh, she's so tired of all of this. So maybe, she should give it a try. Maybe, she should make these last days that happened, be their last days of pain. She has no idea if she, if they are even capable to get to a stage where they are completely normal, but maybe, just maybe...

With that last thought, instead of giving him a verbal answer, Chi-Chi places her hand in his, showing him that she's willing to take what he's offering. That she's ready to trust him to make sure that they'll make it through this.

* * *

Chapter 16, **Pillars Of Hope.**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16, **Pillars Of Hope.**

* * *

The thing that takes away his peace in all of this, is that he truly believed in his heart that everything would be as it always has been, when he returned home. He believed that he'd find things as they had always been, from the time their lives started changing.

Goku thought he'd show up at home, find his family happy and merry, and then he'd head over to see his friends, before coming to settle down at home and relax for as long as he needed before he went back to Uub's village. That's the way it always has been, the way he's always known things to be, except, this time was, _is_ different.

So very different.

It's so different from what he expected that now, he's here, holding his wife in his lap, and trying his hardest to absorb her pain into his being. He direly wants to rather siphon her pain from her, and then replace it with his love inside her instead. For now, all that he has to give her, is his complete love, because apparently, he hasn't been able to give her anything else all these years of being married.

Just thinking that he hasn't given her anything, is enough to lead him to hold his breath, so that he doesn't let out a disappointed sigh. Disappointment with himself, that is.

'Chi-Chi, I'm sorry,' he whispers, his lips on the side of her head.

In a way, this feels like the day at the hospital all over again. The day after the news of her father, that she needed him to just be there for her, instead of trying to make her feel better about it. She'd needed his support when she felt at her weakest, and it feels right to him, that he goes ahead and does that here too.

Her immediate response to his apology, is to push herself further into him, silently displaying her vulnerability and willingness to accept what little he has to offer. It should give him a little relief that she's accepting his little help, but…

Gosh, he presses his eyes closed, he so wishes that it was _that_ simple, that he could just take her weakness, and convert it to immeasurable power by his love alone. It's not that he doesn't want Chi-Chi to display her weakness, it's only that it's breaking him to have her like this. She's never openly been _this_ vulnerable, to _this_ point before. So like he told her, he doesn't exactly know what to do or say to her.

Because he doesn't know what to say to her, he holds tighter onto her. Just as he does that, she lets out a mewl, and one of her hands forms a fist while holding onto him. He held her tighter, and she responded by doing what she did, as though they are in a competition to see who between the two of them, needs what they need more; whether she needs this from him more, or if he needs her to need his comfort more.

'Chi-Chi, please…' he tries, forcefully willing his eyes to open.

His request only serves to add more fuel to the fire of her current state, because instead of understanding that he wants her to just accept him being here, instead of subconsciously resisting him, Chi-Chi lets out a long sob. A sob that would make even the evilest of demons tremble. Or perhaps, he just thinks that, because knowing that he hurt her, makes him feel like an evil demon.

'I'm sorry,' he tries to mend his mistakes in this moment, rubbing his hand soothingly down her back.

'Goku...' comes from her through a sob. 'Don't apologise. It wasn't your fault.'

He didn't expect her to talk, not when she's all but pasted on him. Much less, he didn't expect her words to indirectly imply that it's _her_ fault, at least for losing their child. That isn't right.

That really isn't right.

He hates to do this, to take away her only form of comfort right now, but he can't just sit back, holding her in his arms and leave her to blame herself for something that she had no control over. With that in mind, he pushes himself to use his arms, to draw her away from him, so that he has a clear view of her face.

'Chi-Chi,' he firmly starts, 'you _need_ to talk to me. I'm here. I will be here, and I want to be here with you. So please talk to me. These days, I can't always guess what you're thinking, and if you don't talk to me, then there's nothing I can do for you.'

He doesn't want to be like one of those decorative ornaments in their living room, with the role only to be there, but not be instrumental when it's necessary. He's been her husband all these years for a reason, and they've always shared their thoughts with each other. He needs that same trust between them now.

'I'll tell you,' she assures him weakly. 'Just not right now.'

'Then when?' he cries, feeling a little desperate.

His fear is that they'll have this moment, where everything is seemingly okay, and she'll make him promises, but then the next day, all of that will have disappeared all over again. They've already gone through that cycle twice now, and he wouldn't handle a third time. He just wouldn't.

'Just not right now, Goku,' she tries to assure him again. 'Please.'

'Chi-Chi...' he starts and then pauses for his eyes to thoroughly search hers. 'I... Please...'

I can't lose you. I can't go through the thought of losing you again. I can't just let you out of my life when you've clearly got much pain inside that you're refusing to show it. I don't want to be without you. Ever. All of that, is what he wants to tell her, but he distinctly remembers her telling him that he expected it of her to be without him, but he couldn't dare go through such a thing, and that effectively keeps him from saying anything along those lines.

'I promised Goten,' is all that comes from her mouth, but it's enough.

Pillars of hope, that's what his sons are to him. Gohan and Goten, are the strong support that hold together the building of their family, and in them, both him and Chi-Chi find the best reason to hope, for even the impossible. For their sons, Chi-Chi would do everything imaginable, which is why he simply pulls her back into him, to embrace her again.

In pulling her to him, he also decides to wholly invest in her presence and tune himself to mentally stand in her shoes. There might be an accurate word for that, there must be a word for his mental synchronisation with Chi-Chi, but he can't think of it right now, and since he can't think of it, he'll settle for calling it empathy. It takes a lot of concentration, and the complete emptying himself of his own feelings, but through a method that Mr. Popo once taught him as a little boy, as he leaves his eyes to close for as long as Chi-Chi needs, it happens.

As though her feelings are literally resonating from her into him, Goku begins to feel that deep and almost tangible amount of empathy towards her. Her need for him and her distinct feeling of stubborn reluctance to give in, reveal themselves within him, as if he's the one feeling them instead of her. What doesn't reveal itself to him, at least within him as Chi-Chi's feelings are, are the deeply purple thick streaks in his hair, and the brilliant purple glow that is outlining the two of them as a whole.

He let go. When he decided to forget all about himself for once, and just be attached to Chi-Chi this intimately, without having any hint of thought about himself in his mind, he let go. He let go of his own pain, his own confusion, his own emotions, wants and needs, to solely focus on his wife, and that.. that awakened something inside him, that's been flirting with him for a few days now.

But of course, he has no way of knowing any of that.

* * *

Chapter 17, **Queens Don't**.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17, **Queens Don't.**

* * *

Having gone by her emotions, to determine when she would be able to talk to Goku like he requested her to, she thought that it would at least be a good while before she was ready enough to. Only, she's taken aback, when several minutes after requesting that he be patient until she was ready to, she begins to feel a shift in her stance to talk later. Her emotions are still very much the same as they have been, but her mental stance, has shifted.

That's unexpected.

Maybe, she quietly starts to reason, the subtle mental shift started happening, the second that Goku's arms encircled her, and that wholly protected feeling came over. Or maybe, the shift started to happen when she felt a radiant heat from him, as though Goku was connecting with her. In all honesty, she isn't all that sure when the shift starting happening. What she _is_ certain of, is that a shift is busy happening, probing deep within her, to share her pain with Goku.

But... Is she ready?

Is she really ready to burden him with the heaviness of her own feelings, without making him feel like she's actively accusing him as responsible for making her feel like this? While yes, he has played his many parts in getting her here, she doesn't want him to feel like she's accusing him of it. For someone like Goku, accusations do more harm than provide a healthy way of overcoming. Which is why she has to question herself if she's really ready to really share her pain _now_.

Yes, the intangible shift answers her, you _are_ ready.

She's about to question that answer, except, she realises that despite her penetrating emotions, even feeling as deeply as she does, at a point, this _has_ to end. This, what she's been doing and putting herself through, _has_ to end. The ups and downs, the many lows, the tears, the back and forth, and the silent, unspoken accusations, _all of that_ has got to be met at _this_ point; this point where Goku is meeting her.

'I think I'm ready now,' she whispers out of her mouth, the words partially muffled by how pressed to his chest her face is.

Goku's first response to her words, is to press her tighter into him, as if by letting her have her moment to start talking, he would abruptly be separating her from him. She admires that she's thankful that he's apparently so focused on her that he doesn't want to lose that focus, but... This is the time that he needs to let go.

'Goku,' she tries to coax him to release her, 'if I don't say this now...'

Deliberately, she leaves the rest of the sentence up to him, to interpret in the way that he could imagine, it would turn out if she doesn't get to talking about this right now when she wants to. She didn't necessarily declare it in that way, for Goku to react to it, no. It's rather, that she's held onto not-healing for so long, that it will be like she's shedding her own skin, to leave her flesh grossly exposed.

Either her deliberately open-endedness settles it in for Goku, or he simply siphons off her urgency to talk right this moment, but something does it for him, that makes him lighten his hold around her. She immediately uses the chance to draw back from him, before he changes his mind and clutches her closer to him than ever before. As she pulls away from him, she quickly arranges herself to clear her tears away, and attend to the situation with a presentable face, as she's come to master over the years.

Her eyes don't focus on him so well at first, but when they do, they find that her usually black-haired husband, has now purple strands on his hair, with an equally purple aura around him.

Involuntarily, a softly shocked, 'Your hair is purple,' leaves her mouth, with a finger pointed at him.

It's only after she's announced the change, that she remembers that at heart, imbalances of sorts and changes in the things that she usually knows them to be, automatically create in her an unstoppable impulse to bring it to light. It's just who she is, without meaning that she necessarily _feels_ a ready emotion about it immediately.

But now that she got it out, she can't help it notice that everything else about him looks the same, except for the purple hair. And the purple aura. The purple aura is also different, which brings back to her memory the unexplained flickering from that one day.

Remembering that day, she can't help it wonder if this new purple hair and aura, is part of another one of those Saiyan transformations that he is so good at achieving. At the front of her mind, she highly doubts that it isn't a transformation, and because she does, she instantly feels a swirl of pride mildly decorate her sullen emotions with some relieving illumination.

'Your hair is purple,' she repeats, only this time, she adds fond pride to her tone.

Despite all the ways that his hair changing colour tends to rub her the wrong way, she's always genuinely proud of him (and their sons) when he achieves a new form. His transformations always speak so loudly of his commitment and love to excel above everyone, that she can't help it be proud of him when he gains a new form. It's only that her pride, can never seem to express itself verbally, before his dislike for the transformation wins to express itself first.

She's never really thought _badly_ of the Saiyan transformations, it's that their black eyes and hair, make them who they are, and represent their gentleness. The blonde and whatever colours surface at times, make them appear like different people to her. She especially hates the fact that they can go from their sweet black features, to different features in a matter of seconds. That always makes her feel disconnected from them, because she can't _be_ like them, that way. She's learned to adjust to their changing ways, of course, but she still doesn't entirely like it when they transform.

Only, it's as though her observation doesn't matter in the slightest to him, because Goku produces a dark scowl, before he shakes his head, and leans close into her.

'I don't care,' he immediately answers in a harsh commanding tone.

Without consciously thinking to, Chi-Chi swallows. She swallows down hard with an intensity that probably shouldn't be allowed to be known. It's probably because her whole body freezes up, that the single action of swallowing, feels as intense as it does. That was too unlike him, to answer like that. She wouldn't go so far as to call it rude, more than dismissive, but still, it was too unlike him to cast her words aside like _that_.

Goku apparently, upon seeing her stunned reaction, realises what he's done, because his scowl disappears at once, to clear the way for a softer and apologetic expression on his features.

'I don't care about that right now,' he corrects himself in a delicate tone, reaching out his thumb to trace a simple line along her jaw.

The execution of running his thumb along her jaw, is not the grand thing in itself to her. What has her dissolving, is the intent behind the action. She's been married to this man long enough, to know that sometimes he simply can't deliver all his feelings with words.

'I only care about _you_ , Chi-Chi,' he completes his correction, with him sounding like he is about to lose is voice, giving the words more than enough effect.

Suddenly, her throat feels dry, and she gives in to the urge to swallow again. Just focusing on his eyes rather than the expression that he's wearing, Chi-Chi realises that he didn't need to say it. It's glaringly obvious that he doesn't need to say that to her, because his eyes tell her more than his words.

In all the years that they've been married, she doesn't think that she's ever seen him so connected to her, connected to a moment with her, that he's serious to _this_ point, where his curiosity doesn't arouse concerning his purple hair. Usually, he would've asked a curious question about it already. Because of that, her shoulders drop significantly, her head following, so that he doesn't see the tears that are beginning to well in her eyes.

'Chi-Chi, look at me,' she hears come from him.

No, she thinks, she doesn't want to look at him. The reason that she bowed her head, is so that she wouldn't be able to send any of her lugubriousness his way. Her reasoning is that if he's connected to her, it's only a matter of time before he penetrates into her internal being, and thus, be infected to feel her feelings with her. Her face contorts in pain at just the thought of him sharing in that pain with her. That's not what she wants for him. Maybe saying that she is ready, was a mistake.

'I don't want to,' she replies quietly, closing her eyes to weather the escape of the words from her mouth.

In the short silence that follows her words, she feels his hands touch hers, to pull them towards himself. When she first felt his contact, she thought that he would gradually work his hands up to her face, to make her look at him, but no. He apparently understands that she doesn't want to look at him, which must be why he places both of her hands on his chest, keeping them there with his on top.

'Then just don't pretend like you're okay, Chi-Chi,' he tells her in his empathetic voice. 'I know that you're hurting, and you're hurting even more because I wasn't there, but please don't act like you're okay. I feel it, right here,' he makes her hands rub over his heart. 'I feel all of your pain.'

She lifts her head to look at him then. She can't quite put her finger on it, but something about the way that he made her hands circulate over his heart, sparked her to take in the seriousness of the situation, and that she's not the only person involved in her pain. What will happen is that, if she doesn't bring out to light, she'll destroy him, because she's somewhat learned to tolerate different degrees of pain.

Her eyes meet Goku, who looks like he didn't know how much pain he was capable of feeling for someone else, but he has a vivid picture of it now. Her eyes bore into his, and it's as though her internal everything has made its way into his heart somehow, making him feel twice as much as he feels; for her, and for him feeling for her.

'I _am_ hurting...' she painfully admits, willing herself not to choke on the words. 'But I feel that I can't... That I'm not supposed to, because I'm a queen now, and... There are _so_ many things that queens don't do...'

'Chi-Chi,' he calls, removing her hand from his chest to press them in his own. ' _Forget_ all that. Even if you weren't queen, you'd still be hurting. That responsibility doesn't take anything away from your pain. Don't let it be the reason for keeping your pain.'

Right in the moment, because of those words from Goku, who sounds like he knows what exactly he's talking about, she feels her resolve drop. Her heart clenches too, but it's her dropped resolve that's telling.

' _You_ can say that, Goku,' she involuntarily sobs out, ' _but this is all I've known_.'

As she is, she doesn't believe that she can properly explain the mechanics of _that_ to him. But maybe, if she tries to give him little glimpses of what it's been like for her, little snippets of all that she's known to do since marrying him, he might get an idea, that might lead him to understanding what she means.

'When you first died, I was devastated, and angry too,' she starts, ' _but_ I couldn't fall apart. Gohan was still out there with Piccolo, and he needed me to keep hoping for him. When you both left for Namek, I was worried _all_ the time, but I couldn't fall apart again either. I had to hope...'

Only to sniff her emotions back in a little, she pauses her talking, but she immediately picks up with her words again.

'When you died again, _Goku_ ,' she stresses is name, 'I cried for days, but I still couldn't fall apart. There were days where I just wanted... In this world where the Dragon Balls negate death, I just... It would've been so easy, just that one time, to fall apart and let all of my pain go...'

Remembering how she'd thought to gather the Dragon Balls then, a rueful smile crosses her face, and she shakes her head at the memory. That would've been a cowardly thing to do, especially considering that Gohan needed someone to get him through his father's death.

'Not even when you left with Uub, could I fall apart,' she continues, and then pauses, for him to take in what she said.

Quietly, he only stares at her. He looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn't know what to say. It as if he's thinking that even if he did know what to say, he wouldn't be able to get it out with an even tone. It's reflected in his stare, the way his heart is twisting for her.

In turn, seeing him like this for her, she feels her passageway constrict. Her lungs succumb to a heavy weight, making it hard for her to breathe, and her heart takes a sharp dagger to it.

'It was so hard, Goku,' she chokes the words out as breath. 'You can't imagine how hard it was for me to be strong after that miscarriage, but I did it. And then my father died. There's always something, Goku, and I'm never allowed to fall apart. That's the only life that I know, and _you want to take that away from me_.'

'I want to help you,' he corrects her soothingly, 'To be here, _with you_. Just let me do it.'

* * *

Chapter 18, **Recovery Begins.**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18, **Recovery Begins.**

* * *

 _It was so hard_ , she said. That's what she said; _was_. She's been telling him how hard it _was_ for her to experience everything that she did up until this point, and he understands that, he's sympathetic to it even, except, what he feels, doesn't correspond to _that_ tense of hers. What he feels, _isn't_ in the past tense, it's in the _now_ , and it's real. And he urgently needs for her to accept that.

' _Please let me do something for you, Chi-Chi_ ,' he tries again, hoping the desperation that he feels, is kept out of his plea.

This, what is happening between them, stopped being about himself long before he realised what he was really doing, and so, he doesn't want the desperation that he feels, to make his way to her. True, although he feels desperate for her to let him in and share her world with him, the desperation, is still a part of _his soul_ , _separate from her feelings_ , that he doesn't want to smudge this with it. In his mind, with everything that he has, he cast away that she wants to leave him, he cast away the lingering feelings of how he felt when she tried to lie to him, he cast away how she acted coldly with him, and he also cast away that they can't seem to come to an understanding, just so that he can be here for her. It's only right that he lives up to that dispelling.

'But, Goku...' she sobs his name out.

But, Goku what?

She's tearing him, doesn't she see that? It's not about him, but it's tearing him that she cannot allow him to share with her in her feelings. This, what she's trying to accomplish, is tearing him. And it's so hard... It's so unbelievably hard, he emotionally sighs. He really doesn't want to force her to surrender her emotions to him, but for the love of something, he _wants_ to do something for her. Just anything, anything at all, that will make her feel better, make her feel comfortable to talk to him, he wants to give her that. If only she would let him, and not give him half settled concrete wall to connect with.

'I only want to help you, Chi-Chi,' he earnestly tells her, trying to explain to her that he doesn't mean to take anything from her, for himself.

How he wishes that she would understand how he doesn't mean to take anything from her. Taking from her, is the last thing that he wants to do, because what he wants to do, is give her what she allows him to. If she's willing, if she let him, he wants to give her all of him, leaving nothing for himself. Really, if she will take it, he's ready to give her everything that he failed to do all over the years.

'Let me help you,' he pleads again.

'Goku...'

Her current response is different from the first one. The same way that she sobbed out his name before, isn't exactly as how she does it now, and sadly, that's enough for him. This time, she makes sure that his name carries the weight of the words that don't follow his name from her mouth. Immediately, he understands that incomplete silence of a sentence for what it is. What her mouth doesn't complete, her closing eyes do, and so, he feels that she doesn't need to say more. After all, she already expressed it to him, that she feels a sort of entitlement to her feelings, that she doesn't feel emotionally ready to just yet.

But, how he wishes...

'All right,' he hoarsely resigns, tilting his head only a little to the left. 'I'll give you time, but I _will_ be back.'

For now, that's the best of things that she will allow of him. When in truth, she shouldn't have to allow him the space to leave, and much less, he shouldn't be allowing this space to leave to be an actual opportunity between them, it is how it is, and it is what it is.

There's a difference between silence and distance, he thinks as he sighs his resignation out, half hoping that she doesn't notice him doing that. There's a big a thick line, that separates silence from distance, and to him, silence is worse, so maybe giving her distance, and allowing her that time to have her desired silence, is better than being here with her, and getting silence from her, which makes him feel like a vast distance is between them. It may just be better to have her silence without him, so, as much as he would rather not, he will give her a little distance.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

'Gohan?' Goku loudly calls from the door.

The door is partway open, which is typical of how Gohan's house always is. At least, from what he remembers, Pan has always had more energy than she can contain inside the house, which forced Gohan and Videl to always keep their front door open. But for a reason that he cannot understand, he doesn't step through the front door without an invitation, as he previously would've done.

'Videl?' he calls for his daughter-in-law this second time.

It's strange to him, something unknown and very unlike of him, but his mind is telling him to wait out here, and to call out for the actually people who live here. Although they are family and live right next door to his house, his mind is telling him that he needs to allow Gohan and Videl, even Pan, to come to the door and let him in. He can't place where his mind is getting that from, but for a second, he wonders if it has anything to do with his episode with Chi-Chi. Maybe, it has something to do with the fact that he hasn't been able to help Chi-Chi so far, because she's not letting him to do it... The fact that he needs her to let him in before he has access...

'Dad?' Gohan's voice comes from inside.

'It's me,' Goku carefully answers back, keeping his eyes on the door.

Why does he feel like this, all of a sudden? This isn't like him, he thinks. Being this weary, and careful, it's not hugely typical of him. It feels like something inside of him, is becoming a barrier, that's shutting him off from being his usual self. He knows for sure that if it wasn't for this barrier-like thing inside of him, his actions would've been different. Just different.

'Coming, Dad,' comes back to him from his son.

Feeling relieved at the response, he breathes out a big sigh as his feet automatically move back to make way for when Gohan shows up at the door. That relief of his, suddenly drops to the floor, when the door does swing back, and Gohan appears in place of the door. Yet another strange thing that he cannot understand.

'Dad...' Gohan says, his tone a little distant, lost somehow.

'I want to talk to you,' he explains himself. 'Can I?'

Only after rolling his lips into his mouth, drawing his eyebrows together and then rectifying his face to be how it usually is, Gohan replies with, 'Sure, Dad, but...'

That's not good, Goku starts to think. It's bad enough that he feels like this, but to have Gohan make that expression, and then talk to him as though he is hesitant to engage in a conversation at all... His reason from coming here to Gohan, was primarily that he could give Chi-Chi her little bit of silence, without being far away from her, and then secondly, to actually talk to his son. Not for his benefit, but for the benefit of Chi-Chi.

'What is it?' he braves enough to ask.

'Nothing,' Gohan shakes his head, 'it's just that you look different, that's all. Is that a new transformation?'

New transformation? Oh, he must be talking about the same thing that Chi-Chi mentioned earlier. Not that he's interested in the least about it, but whether or not it _is_ a new transformation, he doesn't feel any surge of power going through his veins. The heightened senses and the warm tingling that comes from a new transformation, aren't things that he can feel here, so it can't be a new transformation. And even if it is, he doesn't care about it now, and rather, more honestly, on the contrary, he feels significantly weakened to an extent.

'I don't know what it is,' Goku answers, being as honest as possible, while using a dismissive tone to communicate that Gohan should let it go.

'All right,' Gohan carefully accepts. 'So, what is it that you want to talk to me about, Dad?'

'You knew about Chi-Chi, didn't you?' he asks right away, although, it's not really a question.

He figures, there's no use in trying to ease into the topic, when he can bring it up right away. He's never been one to beat around the bush anyway. Also, his time with Gohan, is limited to the amount of time that he thinks is necessary for Chi-Chi to collect herself, and be ready enough to talk him. If he takes time to ease into the topic here, he'll be wasting that precious little time, that isn't a luxury that he has.

'I did,' Gohan nods.

That's no surprise to Goku, because from Gohan's behaviour the other day, he put it together that Gohan must've known about Chi-Chi's decision, unlike Goten who seemed completely lost and caught off guard. It was only that in the days that followed the incident, he'd been too consumed in his own feelings, to go and talk to Gohan about his part in this decision of Chi-Chi's, so he never got the chance to have that conversation. That chance to talk, he has now, only, for a different reason.

Now, he _is_ looking to talk to Gohan about his mother, about that particular topic, but _not_ for himself. His feelings, his thoughts and his questions, don't matter to him at the moment; none of that does. He couldn't be bothered to wonder why he was the last to find out, why no one said anything to him from the beginning, because there's something else that he cares to be bothered with. Really, if his talking to Gohan at the moment was for himself, Gohan's answer would've knocked some wind out of him, and it would've had him wondering _why_ in the world Gohan knew, but never said anything to him, about something that affected him directly. The fact that he doesn't feel and wonder like that, is proof enough that he is his own least of concerns as they stand here.

'And do you agree with her?' Goku wants to know.

His will to know about this from Gohan, is not out of curiosity, though, and because Gohan doesn't respond right away, he feels compelled to rephrase his question, into something more answerable.

'What I mean is, do you think that I'm being selfish by not letting her go?'

Again, Gohan doesn't give him an answer right away, instead, he looks over his shoulder as if to see if someone is behind him, and then only returns his gaze to his father to answer.

'I can't really say, I'm sorry, Dad,' Gohan finally replies.

It's the way that Gohan replies, that speaks more to Goku than his answer does. Up until now, Goku found that his son's expressions had been telling to a degree, but that seems to have changed, and it just seems different. Much like Gohan's tone suggests that he can in fact say, that he does have an opinion on the matter, though he's not willing to voice it.

'Your opinion matters to me,' Goku tries to get him to see reason.

'It's just...' his son breathes out.

That sounded like it came out uncomfortably, Goku makes a note of it, clearly indicating that Gohan doesn't want to give his opinion at all, that he shouldn't be made to do it. On any other day, Goku thinks, he'd understand that about Gohan, and he would be the last to push his son further than he is willing, but this has to with Chi-Chi, so he can't readily accept that. His reasoning is that if Gohan has something important to say, that might just be better for Chi-Chi entirely, no matter what it is, he wants to hear it. Never mind if he will like it or not.

'Gohan...' he pleads, his hands itching to touch his son for emphasis, 'please.'

Thankfully, it seems as though his quiet plea got through to his son, because a concerned look crosses Gohan's face just before he answers with, 'Dad, I want both of you to be okay, but I don't really know how that looks like, and means for both of you. Much less together.'

Although that's not the answer that he expected to come from Gohan, he immediately feels that it's a fair enough answer, and because of that, he takes a silent moment to study his son. It's not, but here at his son's door, it feels like he's seeing his son for the first time. Or rather, he feels like this is the first time that he is seeing Gohan as an adult.

Seemingly from out of nowhere, he's all too attentive of how mature and careful his son is, something that he never appreciated when he was living at home during the last ten years. In his eyes, he's always seen Gohan as Gohan his son, that little boy that study because his mother stressed it, and then go out playing with the animals when he got a break. Even after Gohan got married and had a child of his own, Goku never really appreciated his son as an adult, because he didn't pay attention to. It's never been that he actively chose to ignore that, and yet he somehow missed to appreciate it.

Until now. It's strange how attentive, amongst other things, he's being...

'I respect you very much, Dad,' Gohan states clearly when he sees that no answer will reach him. 'You're still my hero, even after everything, and I...'

'Tell me,' Goku urges him after sensing that what might follow, is most likely uncomfortable to be made known.

'I don't want to say anything to you, that might make you feel like you've lost my respect,' Gohan picks up after nodding to say that he understands. 'Please, don't be angry, Dad, but please understand that I'm not taking sides. Mom explained her situation to me, and since I've always supported whatever you did, it's only fair that I support Mom too.'

And he should, Goku thinks, looking at his son. There shouldn't be a universe in which Gohan shouldn't support his mother. Chi-Chi has always done the best for their sons, always putting them first before him and herself, so there should be no reason why Gohan shouldn't support his mother as much as he would like to. For a fact, he just knows that Chi-Chi would die from the inside if she felt like her sons were choosing him over her, and he wouldn't blame her. It's not fair, Gohan shouldn't have to feel bad for supporting his mother, because that's not the problem here. If that's how he made it sound like to Gohan, then he should rectify it.

'I'm trying to fix it with her, to help her,' he tells Gohan, hoping that is enough to explain his view, 'and I only wanted your opinion on how to do that.'

He thought to himself that if he got Gohan to give him a little insight, since he'd already known about Chi-Chi's decision to leave, he would know how to help Chi-Chi as she is at the moment. Honestly, at the moment, his first concern is that he heals her, fixes her, without any thought of himself, but at the same time, he feels concerned that he can't do that. He feels like he has all of this amazing power, by being able to understand her in a way deeper than empathy, and yet, he _can't_ use that power, because a barrier is keeping him from using it. He'd been hoping that Gohan would help him find a way to destroy that barrier, somehow, at least.

'I understand, Dad,' Gohan nods, 'I really do, but my part in this, shouldn't be more than this. I can't do more than understand you, I'm sorry. Your leaving was hard for all of us, except Goten, because he still... He still doesn't want to grow up, I guess. I can't give you an opinion, because you might not like it, and I hope you can understand that.'

Strangely, he _can_ understand that from Gohan. It's strange to him, because before today, he would've been pushing to hear this said opinion anyway; he wouldn't readily have accepted to understand just like that. What's more, he understands that it's not Gohan's part to lend him a hand in this fight. No, here, he has to pull his punches by himself.

'I do, Son,' he says, clearing his throat a little bit, 'I understand that, but just so you know, I don't want her to leave. I know that it's hard for her to stay, but I don't want her to leave.'

If that means something to Gohan...

Whether it makes a difference to his son, whether it helps shift his unvoiced opinion or not, he wants Gohan to know that at the very least. It might not be his place to get involved in this thing between his parents, but at least, he should know that to his father, losing his mother, would be losing an intimate relationship that he can never again have with anyone else. He wants Gohan to know that losing his mother, is equal to losing silent and patient moments with her, that nobody else afforded him.

'Ev-...' Gohan unsurely starts, 'Even though she does want to leave, she doesn't want to leave. Do you know that, Dad?'

He doesn't actually, so he shakes his head as an answer.

'Well, she doesn't,' Gohan tells him firmly as though it's a command. 'It's not my place to tell you, and I don't want to get involved in this, but Mom once told me that marriage, yours and hers, at least, is a partnership, where she covered for your weaknesses and you covered for hers. Being married to you, is her whole life, and she doesn't want to give that up, even carrying your weaknesses for you...'

Carrying his weaknesses...

That, for some reason, sticks him very hard in the lungs, that he sharply pulls in a short breath to compensate for the puncture that he feels like he just suffered.

'Chi-Chi doesn't have weaknesses,' he says absently, only to disguise the lack of air in his lungs and the plunging effect of it on him, while his mind is really starting to wander.

Carrying his weaknesses...

'That's what I said to her,' Gohan replies to him, 'but she said that you did such a good job of covering for them, that she looked like she didn't have any.'

'Chi-Chi doesn't have weaknesses,' he repeats just as absently as before.

If she did... If Chi-Chi did have weaknesses, that little pride inside of him, that he's always relied on, that she would never leave him, would've been shattered a long time ago. His pride was never that he thought she _couldn't_ do better than him, it was that she _always_ stayed no matter the circumstances. It's how he's harboured that pride within him, that she would never leave, and he would always come home to a waiting wife. And... It's what proves that she doesn't have any weaknesses.

'Dad,' Gohan softly protests, 'you're probably thinking of weaknesses in terms of strength, like I did. You know, like mental and emotional, but she explained that she meant about shortcomings, and deficiencies in dealing with character, and some other things.'

He can't believe it.

He can't believe this.

He can't believe this is part of what Chi-Chi is holding onto, what she's refusing to share with him.

He can't believe it, and it's starting to make his longs feel like concrete.

'Gohan...' he partly rasps, 'I need to be with your mother.'

* * *

Chapter 19, **Separate.**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19, **Separate.**

* * *

She should've known better than to trust her mind. She should've known that her tired mind, which is a very separate entity from her straining heart, the same heart that's holding on as tightly as it can, while fighting to let go at the same time, would trick her into believing the lie that she's collected herself enough, to be ready, to face him. She should've known better, because the moment that Goku comes back into the room, that illusionary preparation that she'd constructed in her mind, and adopted into her bodily posture, instantly dies as though she didn't spend energy building it up.

Along with her mental composure, her usually strong will internally crumbles down to absolutely nothing, leaving difficulty as the signature taunt of her illusion.

Gosh, her spent eyes stare at him, she never thought anything could be as hard as this, and she has lived through the hardest and toughest of times. She's here, while he's over there, and from where she is, taking in all that she is, it's as if she and him are in a battle, where none of them is deemed fit in the least to win. It looks to her like, and this is after weighing his hesitance to move further than the door into the room, and her own reluctance to open her mouth to invite him to come back to her side, that both of them have to come to an agreement to surrender, but they can't get to that point.

Why is this so hard? In her broken mind, she wonders why this is so hard, that she can't do something as simple as surrendering, when that's all her husband is asking of her.

One word would make a difference, wouldn't it? She could easily say his name, and that way he'd know that she's in the process of surrendering, couldn't she? It shouldn't be like her tongue is bound all the way down her throat, making it impossibly uncomfortable to even attempt slight movement with it, should it? As she looks at him, purple hair on his head, a regretful look on his face, and eyes that mirror the pain that's defining her and describing her heart, the most that she can do, knowing that she can't speak, is make sure that her eyes don't leave his, if only to be connected with him.

Oh, like she's never had to experience before, she feels like she's in a chokehold, held in by a tightly invisible grip, where her inability to speak, is smothering her will to talk.

The struggle between the two, is dangerously throttling to her, and if only she could adequately express that to him, through their connected eyes. Express to him how it's not that she doesn't want to speak, because gosh, she does want to call his name... She really does want to say his name, and take that first step towards surrendering, but... She's suffocating from the struggling conflict inside, even though she knows that she would definitely find a little reprieve in giving herself up to him. The metallic pressing pressure of the chokehold, somewhat makes her feel lifeless in her living body.

It has to change, she firmly commands herself in silence, she has to make a change from allowing herself to be throttled, to attacking it, in order to stop feeling like this.

She may find it hard to move her bound tongue, and she may feel like she's in a waiting room, just waiting for the doctor to burst from the operating room with news that will untangle her heart from around her veins, but in the absence of her mouth and heart, she has her body, and that, she can attempt to use as an act to show her white flag of surrender. And so, even with trembling thoughts of fear that she will not get it right either way, she lifts both of her hands, to stretch out towards him, shakily willing for her vessel hands to desperately say the words that her mouth won't speak.

Goku, her hands loudly call with their shaking rhythm of dance, I surrender; I'm not as ready as I thought I was, but I'm prepared to release all of this pain inside.

Yes, she surrenders, her eyes close briefly, only to fully digest that about herself. A moment later, when she slowly pries her eyelids apart, his short gasp of a response, leaves his mouth slightly open as though to say that she just made the ancient call that he's been waiting all of his life, but never came until now. His mouth is open like the words are at the tip of his tongue, however, it's his eyes that speak more words than those that are teasing with no substance on his tongue. And much more than that, his quick recomposition; how after quietly closing the door, he walks in haste to her.

Oh, thank goodness, she breathes in her relief, her eyes feeling ready to close, only to let her relief out again, because her lungs cannot sustain to keep it trapped inside them.

No matter, though, she thinks, who needs relief when he's reaching her, and just now taking a close seat next to her? He's here, her heart jingles just a tad as her eyes dedicatedly keep on him, watching, waiting... He's here, he understood her call for him. _I'm here_. Even his strong eyes, with their dark colour, confirm his presence to her, assuring her that her white flag of surrender wasn't in vain, or lacking in importance to be acknowledged. I'm here, his understanding silence, which he evidently refuses to break for nothing at all, establishes that she made the absolute right choice.

Him just looking at her with impossibly mute words, and her staring back at him with all she can't get herself to say, constructs the most sacred and crucial silence around them.

She's heard it said, that a picture paints a thousand words, and maybe her current picture, to him, paints a thousand words, but she hopes to dear life that if that's the case, those words don't drown out the timidly soft, brokenly pleading words that the silence between them is holding captive. Those words, although not exchanged, are everything to augment their sacred silence, however in her fear of losing them to her thousand-word picture, she reaches out for his hand with hers. Her hand is shaking, but she knew, she felt, in fact, from the beginning that this would be as hard as it is.

Throwing up hands in surrender, she knows, has never been easy; whether prepared or not, surrender is an absolute abjection, comparable to breaking legs in marathon race.

He makes it, the humiliation of breaking legs in the middle of a race, easier to for her to bear, because when he grips her hand back with fixed fierceness, led by the thankful picture of emotion in his eyes, she finds that he understands her. Without words, without more than eye contact and quivering hands reaching for him, he simply understands her, and there isn't much more than that he will push for from her. That, sinking into her with the greatest of weight, she's hugely overcome by something much more than relief, which is feeling less suffocated in the position of the chokehold that she's in.

Face to face with him like this, her hand in his, she uses her free hand to bring his other hand, to her forehead for only a steadying second, before sliding it into her hair.

She's made up her mind; having come this far with her surrender, she might as well complete the rest of the way, by separating what she feels entitled to hold onto and salvage, from her surrender. It's otherwise not pure or surrender at all, if she's partly trying to retain something for herself, through continually (in the back of her mind) thinking of how hard this is, and how she isn't sure she's able to release it all to him, without being left with nothing to anchor her down in holding on. The least that she can give this man that is solely interested in being here for her, is reciprocate his self-sacrifice.

With her eyes in the moment before she closes them, she tells him everything that words will ruin or most likely distort; that he, using his special technique, can in share all of her.

Since his return, in all of their interactions, there's always been a disconnection between them, a clear divide that kept them on different separated planes, until now. Strangely, after all the talking that they've done these past days, it's pure silence that brings them closer together in this way, wiping clean away the line of divide that had been disconnecting them. As he inclines his head to her, communicating that he understands her, and then strongly leans his forehead against hers, telling her that together, they will take it all on, she closes her eyes for the last bit of her surrender, to let him in.

* * *

Chapter 20, **The End.**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20, **The End.**

* * *

His thoughts, at the beginning of their alluringly intimate moment, had belonged to nothing. Nothing in the way, that he emptied them out, to accommodate his wife's need before his own want to help her. The activity itself, of putting his wife's need before he wanted to be her helper, not being the biggest of factors, before two others, to push him to that emptying state, it still made the most significant difference in aiding to maintain nothing's ownership.

In the middle of their moment, during their actual moment, his thoughts still belonged to nothing. Again, nothing in the way, that he still didn't give importance to his own want. When he thinks about it, it's quite strange to say that his thoughts belonged to nothing during their moment, when the very technique that he was using to gain access to what she was giving him, depended on him carefully being connected to himself, with expert discipline.

Now, though, at the drawing end of their incredible moment, (because he inexplicably feels it reaching its culmination) his thoughts are smoothly seeping back into his ownership, and he's overly glad for that. It's not the disconnect from the nothingness that he's glad for, or even the very fact that his thoughts belong to him once again. It's simply that with his now returned thoughts, he can embrace them enough, to use them as a bridge between them.

For how severely there's been a disconnect between them in the last few days, a fault in connection, where they couldn't be in sync with each other, even on the basest and trivial of levels, he can't _ever_ be glad for any disconnect lodged between them. Although, the separation of his thoughts from nothing, to his own right, is quite necessary for the both of them, more specifically to bring them back together again.

The thing is that with his thoughts back, he can now start arranging himself, instead of letting her lead. And in arranging himself, he can start a process where they are able to tackle their differences, because on his marriage, that's all that he cares about in the world. As much as he'd like to believe that this magnificent moment that they shared, is the solution to everything unbridged between them, the perfect answer to the issues trapped between them, he _understands_ with clarity that it's nothing but a small step towards progress. Before, in the past, he wouldn't have realised it this way, to this extent exactly, but he knows better now.

Without a doubt, yes, bless the amazing transference that happened, and is now coming to an end, but it's not close to being the solution for them. Which is why having his thoughts back, is such an important thing to him, the way that it is. It goes without thinking that he'll be reluctant to remove his hand from her hair, and break contact from her, but it has to be done, and-

 _Crrrrrrrrrrrgh!_

With the abrupt, uninvited sound, his eyes just as abruptly open seconds too prematurely. His hands, the one in her, hair and the other in hers, quickly join the abrupt disruptions, by jerking away from contact with her, to cover his stomach in a silencing attempt.

 _Grrrrrrrrrcgh!_

His mind didn't mean to interrupt their ending moment, except, his body apparently grew back into its own along with his thoughts, and decided to be honest with him. He's embarrassed it, if he's being honest, and so he shyly pulls away from her, with his head hung down.

'Eh-he-he,' he shyly apologises, his hand still lamely planted over his stomach. 'I'm sorry about that.'

He's sorry for not only for his stomach making that embarrassing noise, but also for not preparing her for his abrupt physical pulling away. In a way that he can't yet express in the right way, due to his momentary embarrassment, he's sorry for destroying the atmosphere that they'd constructed around them, without warning her beforehand.

'Someone's hungry,' her voice seems tease in a soft whisper.

It's through the softly teasing tone of her voice, that he gets the smallest of courage to lift his head from its hung state and look at timidly look at her. He honestly can't decide if her soft whisper, is an affectionate caress, or, if it's a loving acknowledgment of something that she's easily able to identify in him, but it does the wonder of alleviating some of his embarrassment, enough for him to look at her.

What he sees on her face, though, is that she doesn't seem to mind that his stomach robbed them of the final moments of their ending moment. Rather, on her face, he sees the warmest smile that he seen in days, come to life. Neither her face, nor her body language, has a trace of disturbance, which is why he feels at ease, to give an answer to her statement.

'I am,' he confesses, reaching one of his hand to scratch the back of his head. 'I'm sorry.'

While he may not feel that embarrassed anymore, in his thoughts, he still _is_ sorry that his stomach felt comfortable enough to do that without giving him a hint first, thus disturbing something before its time. Really, who knows which stage they'd be on, and how their conversation would be now, if his stomach had waited _just a few more_ seconds?

'Don't be,' she dismisses in another soft whisper. 'You're not supposed to hold in your feelings, or hunger. You're allowed to express it all.'

She says that, he answers internally, but she is the first of the two of them to keep her feelings bottled inside, for fears that only she is aware of, because she won't share them with him. It doesn't seem fair for her to say that to him, he tells himself, only because he believes that she has it set in her mind that she doesn't have that same privilege that she is making available for him in her life. Clearly, he went wrong somewhere, that he didn't inspire that same confidence for her, in him, and he has to correct that now.

'You're allowed to express it all too,' he gently tells her, taking a step back to her. 'Your feelings and everything.'

An askew smile from her, following his words, acts as the first response to his invitation. It's a smile, he says to himself, and smiles are good things to receive, but his heart doesn't believe his lame soothing. On the contrary, his heart feels the pang of rejection, as it can clearly interpret it as avoidance. For her to do that, especially after experiencing the step that they took towards progress, is specifically dashing to his heart.

'I'm going to make you something to eat,' leaves her mouth, further driving in the hollow dashing of his heart.

The announcement, comes from her mouth soothingly. It's designed that way, to keep him from contesting her, but it has the opposite effect on him, that he reaches out his hand, to hold onto her arm and keep her from taking a step away from him. Ironically, instead of pacifying him to let her go ahead with what she wants, her soothes makes him want to keep her closer than ever to him. It's actually strange, because her soothes have never had a reverse effect like this on him before.

'Chi-Chi... Wait,' he pleads, sliding his hand up her forearm as his eyes do the same pleading as his voice.

It's unfair, his eyes look at her imploringly, she says, and means her prior words to him with an open heart, but why doesn't she believe it for herself? Why can't she accept that, she too has that same privilege to express it all? Why must she smile at him like that, and then slowly get on her feet, to tactfully avoid the invitation that he's extending to her? It makes his heart ache, just wondering why.

'You're hungry,' she says quite affirmingly, 'so I'm going to make you something to eat.'

He still doesn't feel comfortable with that chosen tone of hers, but it surprisingly makes him decide that maybe, he should allow her to do what she wants. As he is, his thoughts are his own again, and he is only thinking in line with getting them back on track, to a safer and happier place. He's not necessarily considering that what she might still need, is just for him to be in sync with how she's processing, and dealing with things inside of her. If he's learned anything these last few days, is that what she displays on the outside, and how she functions, isn't reflective of what is going on within.

'Are you sure?' he asks, internally resigning, only to be sure that she wants him to let her be.

She's sure that she doesn't want to sit back down with him, and talk?

She's sure that avoiding this, is the better thing for her to do?

She's sure that putting all of this on pause, when they've already taken a step towards progression, won't be regressing to the original point of stagnation?

'I feel better,' she assures him softly. 'We should've done this earlier, I know, but I was just so... But, I promise that I really do _feel_ better now.'

Silently, almost against his will, he nods to say that he accepts her words, but although he understands what she is saying, he can't keep himself from using his free hand to grip it over her other hand, in quiet desperation. With that single move, he just wants her to know, that he needs for them to better, completely, as soon as possible, because much more of this, he not willing to live through.

Evidently, something about him asking her that, must touch a sympathetic place inside of her, because her face softens with gentle light for him, as she pulls her left arm from his ineffective hold on her forearm, bringing it to smooth over the hand of his that is gripping her right hand.

'Trust me,' she says while caressing his hand. 'And... I really need to start on your food, okay?'

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

While she was in the kitchen cooking, he took that solitary time to go around their home, and just see it. Because he couldn't stand to wait in silence, he went around the house for his own personal rehabilitation.

His eyes observed the little and big things in the house, without discrimination.

His hands and fingers touched everything that they reached out to.

His mind admired all the simplicity in delicate detail of the decor.

And his heart, his heart felt with every fibre of flesh, for this house as a home.

He went around their home, using his physical presence, to induce memories from the past that happened in here. As his eyes saw, his fingers obeyed the effect of sight, to touch. As his fingers touched, his mind performed its due, to remember. And as his mind remembered, his heart did the inevitable of retrieving from the archives of its corners, to feel as was rightful.

His heart rightfully felt.

It felt that this is home. Not the castle.

The castle is glorious as it is, but he's always loved the modesty of their small comfortable home. And more than that, everything significant in their lives, happened in this home. Their first real argument, from which they both learned that mutual feelings of affection and attraction, couldn't sustain a relationship on their own, happened inside these palely painted walls. Their first experimental sexual act, from which they discovered that while making love was intricately special, other less affectionate, but still appropriately gentle to moderation, sexual acts also mean something in a relationship, also happened in this house. Their first combined fear when Gohan, their under-a-year-old son, walked into an open bonfire one late night, teaching them that being parents meant not always sheltering their child from danger, happened on their home ground too.

None of that happened in the castle. The only things that have happened in the castle, have only cause him disturbance in emotion, as if the castle itself is incompatible with his very soul. While on the other hand, so much learning, and so many lessons, took place in this house of theirs, and to just leave it behind, abandoned, to make a new home in the castle, is not desirable to him. He would like to imagine that it isn't desirable to her either, seeing as she has spent more time in this house more than anyone in their entire family, so he will have to talk to her about. _Right now_ , whether she's finished with her cooking or not. Urged by that thought, he turns his back on the inspection, and begins to walk to where his wife is.

'What do we do with the house?' he asks as he walks into the kitchen.

Luckily, in the kitchen, he doesn't find her back turned in his direction, which gives him the perfect chance to see her immediate reaction upon hearing his question. It's her eyes that he takes notice of first following his question, because they avert from the blank space that they'd been looking at, to travel around the kitchen, as though looking for something particularly precious.

It doesn't occur to him, to pay attention to the fact that he'd found her staring into space, with an expression nearly blank, because he rather focuses on softly watching her. Maybe, if he wasn't concurrently holding his breath in preparation for her answer and appearing patient to wait for an answer, he would've remember to consider the stance that he found her in.

'I don't know,' she shrugs, her eyes slowly still going around the kitchen.

'We should keep it,' he tentatively suggests.

He makes the suggestion that way, tentatively, because reasons that may very well not be in line with hers, he wants to keep their home. Just as they had kept Grandpa's hut up until Gohan got married, he would like the same to be done with their own home. It's of course much deeper to him, than just the comparing fact that they had done that with Grandpa's hut. Not only does this home represent the unit they've built over the years, it also means the world to him. This house is the best home that he has ever known, and he wouldn't like to lose it to a big castle, with rooms that are too spread apart, that when he laughs, no one can join him for being too away to hear him.

'I think that we should keep it,' he repeats, maybe to set his resolution in more.

'I want that,' she responds, finally looking at him, 'but I don't know how it will work.'

That's a surprise to hear from her, he mentally exclaims. Except, looking directly her, and her looking back at him, he can tell that she means what she said, exactly in the way that she said it. The surprise to him, is that she always has an idea for a solution at the ready. It's so very unlike her, to not have thought about what will become of their house.

Apparently, reading the surprise on his face, she smiles to say, 'I don't always think of everything, Goku. Or at least,' she corrects herself, 'since you came back, I didn't think of much. I didn't plan beyond myself.'

Fitting, he solemnly nods. He's put her in very testing situations in the past before, only, this past situation, seems to have done the most damage to her. The specifics to how the damage has been done, he doesn't have, but he can assume that it may something have to do with the combinations of things that suddenly happened. Her own conflicts deep within, but he didn't help in not truly letting her go. He didn't realise that in insisting on keeping her, he messed up the arrangement of her daily functioning.

'It's my fault, isn't it?' he sadly acknowledges.

'Yes,' her reply instantly reaches him, 'but I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. I'm only saying it, because it's true. But enough about that, you should take a seat,' she finishes by gesturing to the table.

There she goes again, doing what she did in the bedroom, and making him feel like he's taking another long separating step away from her. The way that he sees it, it's like she's pulling away from him, without making obvious that she wants to pull away. He can't fully understand that about her, not when he contrasts it to the incredible invite that she gave him some time ago in their bedroom. What was the point, he wonders, of letting him in, if she's going to be stepping back from him whenever he wants to address everything to the last of its shreds. Or maybe, is he missing something important, and failing to see that it's wrong for him to want to arrange them to be better?

'Shouldn't we talk more, Chi-Chi?' he genuinely questions, moving his body to a wall for it to lean on.

Through eyes pressed closed with purpose, she shakes her head just as purposely, and then says, 'This is the _lightest_ that I've felt in days, and I just want to live lightly for now.'

Doesn't _everyone_ want to live lightly?

His whole reason for abruptly rushing from Gohan, was that he could have a proper sit down with her and then dissect all of his responsibility, that he neglected, and she had to shoulder by herself. Because he wants to live lightly, to return to how it used to be between them, he came back to her, even when he didn't know if her time alone had been enough at the time, or not.

Of course, he wants to live lightly too.

And yes, he understands her want, that he does, but his question is why can't they start a process to get them to living lightly sooner? Prolonging that process, will only mean that they remain in the same difficult position as before, which he is frankly fed up with. He knows that they've only taken a step towards progress, but he didn't think of how much work, bridging the current place to actual progress, would be.

If only it wasn't like this...

'Plus,' she fondly shows him a polite expression, that's just an eyelash bat off tactful coercing, 'I'm really curious about that purple hair of yours. What is that transformation called? I didn't even get a chance to ask about Uub, and how training with him was like.'

Funny enough, he doesn't want to let his internal point go, but her presenting an old-times throwback version of her as wife, melts him to do just that. He can't say that he necessarily likes that he has to redirect talk about them, to something that doesn't immediately have to do with them as a whole, however, he can appreciate that she's creating a path of a way to a bonding place. Bonding with his wife, through talking, he will take advantage of. Even if it won't lead them to talk in the way and about the things that he wishes, he'll be okay with just bonding with her, because it will mean that she is not pushing away from him.

'I don't know anything about this transformation,' he admits to her as he internally starts to relax.

He doesn't even know if he can call it a transformation, because he hasn't seen it himself. Everyone keeps mentioning this new transformation that, he hasn't yet seen or felt, when he knows nothing about it. What's stranger, is that he hasn't in the least felt like he has any sense of new power that is flowing in his veins, or like he received a new shock of life that's just bubbling to be used. Maybe, if he felt something physical happening in his body and mind, he would be interested in exploring it. Except, with the way things are, he couldn't be bothered to interested in seeing this said transformation for himself.

'But,' she wonders curiously, 'didn't you achieve it while training Uub?'

Immediately, he shakes his head to say, 'No. Training Uub was different,' he adds. 'It's not like training Gohan and Goten had been.'

'Goten and Gohan are your sons,' she softly rebuts, 'of course, there's a difference between them and Uub.'

'I guess,' he answers. 'Training Uub was very different. With Gohan, I had to be gentle and let him find his own way. Even after he told me to stop being soft on him, I continued the same way. What I'm saying is, I knew what I was doing with Gohan, because I knew him, but it's different with Uub.'

That being so, it would be foolish to think that he achieved this so-called transformation through training Uub. To explain this better to her, he leaves the physical support of the wall behind, to walk and be closer to her.

'Training Uub is different,' he repeats, mostly to cement this line of conversation in.

'Why?' she wants to know, sounding genuinely interested. 'You can't be gentle with Uub?'

'I _am_ gentle with him,' he explains. 'That's just who I am, but I have to spend less of my strength, because even though I know what he can do, I don't know him enough to have that _assurance_.'

Probably, to anyone else, and by anyone else, he's strictly thinking of Vegeta, he would sound like he is contradicting himself, except to Chi-Chi. She knows all of his ways of speaking and meaning, without him getting into details. That's something that grew in their marriage over the years, and his gratefulness for that, he will never be able to express in his entire life.

'But...' she thoughtfully starts, 'It's been three months. Didn't you get to know Uub in that time?'

'Not really,' he gives his reply. 'I didn't really spend time with any of them outside of helping out and training. I kept to myself, mostly because there was a woman there who was too kind to me. I didn't really like that.'

Even now, he doesn't like the memory of that woman inside his mind, because remembering her, always puts a frown on his face, and a sour effect in his heart. Seeing her in person, on the other hand, made him nervous, and got him as close to shivering as his body could do, without actually shivering. Because of her, for some part, he couldn't make himself get closer to Uub, to know him to that extent of assurance.

'A kind woman is _really_ the reason?' she asks, her scepticism clear to him.

She doesn't understand, his mind quickly defends him, that woman makes him feel like he is in the wrong just being close to her. He honestly likes that she's a kind person, but he doesn't appreciate that she looks at him in that way special way, that only his wife is allowed to do. It's troubling to think of how to even begin telling his wife, that another woman has been showing interest in him, as if he isn't a married man. He has to try, though, he has to give Chi-Chi something, or else she won't accept his reasoning for not forming a type of relationship with Uub.

'You see, the things is...' he timidly starts, accompanying that with an uncertain scratch to the back of his head. I think that she likes me more than she should.'

Due to how closely he's watching her for a reaction, he catches it perfectly, when she delivers it to him. It's exactly like he would expect her to react, how she looks at him as someone who'd like a detailed explanation would do. Every line on her face, speaks of a question that needs an answer, and her eyes, well, her eyes...

'Like a crush?' she asks with widened-by-surprise eyes.

'Yeah,' he unwillingly answers, 'like that, like a crush. I don't like it,' he confesses, scrunching his nose to demonstrate just how much that proclamation doesn't sit well with him.

As though she'd only been waiting for him to confirm it to her, she lets out a burst of fruitful laughter, laughter that could probably feed even the most starving of Saiyans. When she does that, he feels very tempted to look the other way from her, just to avoid feeling even more ridiculed than the idea of being treated specially by a foreign woman. But then, after considering how rough they've been having it in their lives in the last days, he can't commit such a mistake and look away from the sight of his laughing wife.

The way that colour latches onto her face, is so different and new to how it has been for them during their interactions. And the prominent spurring sound of her laughter, is nothing that he wants to miss witnessing as it leaves her mouth. Neither the mirth resounding in the air, nor the effect of that mirth on her body, does he have the will to cut short from her, like his stomach already cut their closing moment short, some time ago. For that reason, he decides to move over to the table and take a seat there, and just allow her to be.

When her laughter starts to die down, she follows his lead and comes to sit with him at the table, but her eyes still shine with the effect of her laughter. It only occurs to him then, that she might've just been laughing that wonderful, for all the days that she cried, or felt like she was dealing with too much at once. Only looking at her now, does his heart recognise his own sympathy for her, as his mind remembers how she told him that she just wants to live lightly for the time being.

'I'm glad that you find it funny,' he hears himself saying.

He didn't plan on saying that, but perhaps in his sympathetic mind, he's feebly attempting to use the fact that something about him made her laugh, as a way of making up for what he's caused her, that she embraced the first laughter from her mouth extensively.

'It _is_ funny,' she confirms through an amused smile. 'It's funny that it bothers you. Most people would find it flattering, especially at our age.'

He's not most people, and so, it bothers him that a woman who is not his wife, has affection towards him, like he is available to receive her affection. His mind cannot even understand why any married man would be flattered to be in such a situation.

Frowning from his thoughts, he makes it clear how different he is from the rest, 'It's not okay for her to do that.'

Evidently feeling for him on that, she reaches across the table and touches his hand in comfort.

'Well,' soothingly comes out of her mouth, 'if it bothers you that much, make a point to avoid her when you go back.'

Too suddenly, too unexpectedly, all of the connecting branches to their bonding, snap apart on his end, so much so, that he heavily draws his hand away from her touch.

From firsthand experience, he knows that there comes a time in a battle, where a testing and comfortable moment is broken, to the reveal the harsh reality of the true fight that is actually going on.

Sitting across his wife now, his eyes staring at her in the way that a stranger would look at another stranger, as his heart beats a disturbing rhythm, that sends the wrong signals to his veins and nerves, he feels that the same, just happened here. Without any warning, Chi-Chi abruptly took them from a regular place of light talk and bonding, with a _distrustful assumption_.

It would be a cardinal sin, if he said that it doesn't cleanly break his spirit. And even if he could lie about it to her, and get away with the sin in the process, he wouldn't be able to escape the giveaway that his withdrawal from her touch provides.

Oh, wow! And not in the good way. How things easily change within the span of a second.

From feeling embarrassed to confess about the woman in Uub's village, who has a crush on him, he now feels like he's been led on, only to be betrayed. What makes it harder for him, is that in his heart, he had believed that at least, through their shared moment and his insistence to talk about them, she understood that he was trying to rearranging his priorities. Clearly, she didn't retain anything from what he'd been trying to do, because here she is, talking about him going back to Uub's village, when it's the furthest thing from his mind at the moment.

'Chi-Chi,' he leans forwards, despite having just pulled his hand from her touch, 'I don't know if I'm going back.'

He feels that he needs to tell her that, to let her know that his mind has no thought of ever leaving again, because apparently, she doesn't trust that he will stay.

In his wounded thoughts, he properly fails to remember that this is who he is; that even though he doesn't feel like doing something at the moment, when he eventually _does_ feel like he wants to do that other thing, he will simply get up, and follow through with it. Consequently, he also fails to read the message on her face as she simply looks at him; not recognising how she looks like she doesn't have the faith left inside of her, to keep believing that he will stay with her this time.

'Chi-Chi?' he asks for her to verbally give him something, because he can't read her at all.

He notices that she appears to want to say something, something that would be of great importance between them, but she quickly shakes her head, as though to discipline herself to change her mind.

'What is it?' he wonders.

'You should eat,' she says, like his question is in that line of topic.

Her words, she follows with getting up from the table, to leave him alone with his thoughts, but he doesn't easily accept her to do that. By calling her name in a firm sound, he lets her know that he is not allowing her to let this go.

'Chi-Chi.'

With elegant unaware lightness, she reverses her head to him, and miraculously, for a man who had been set on not letting her get away with this, the words disappear right from his head, melting clean through his tongue too.

'Huh?' she wonders, looking as oblivious as anything can be.

No, not like this, he cowardly finds himself relenting.

He can't push her, when she's like this. She's over there, getting ready to serve him his food, meanwhile, and he wants to push her into talking about something that she is clearly avoiding for her own sake. Or even for both of theirs. Just look at how quickly she put that line of conversation behind her, to appear that oblivious when he said her name.

'When you're ready,' he ends up saying instead, 'I'll be here.'

When effortlessly, it seems, she gives him a soft smile as his response, he realises the truth, that behind the smile, buried underneath the soft expression that she is showing him now, is her own private castle –separate from the other royal castle- of pain and burden, that she's shut from the rest of the world.

He can't keep knocking on the door to her castle, when she's clearly told him that she doesn't want yet to come to the door. But, when the end to this thing come? Just when will they see the end? Because it seems like there is no way out of this.

* * *

Chapter 21, **Unbecoming.**


End file.
